


Eden

by evaricious



Category: Original Work
Genre: Age Difference, Blowjobs, Cheating, Clubbing, Dirty Talk, Drinking, Eventual Happy Ending, Explicit Sexual Content, Friends With Benefits, Infidelity, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Recreational Drug Use, Swearing, Underage Drinking, also thanks FOB for your entire discography, drinking and driving probably, esp Save Rock And Roll, i mean its me what did you expect??, just generally a whole lotta law breaking, saveWil2k18
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-05
Updated: 2018-09-07
Packaged: 2019-06-05 17:04:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 76,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15175334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/evaricious/pseuds/evaricious
Summary: Seb (never call him Sebastian) King has a pretty sweet life tbh - doesn't have to worry about money, can't even be bothered to finish uni and he's got everything he needs right here in Surfers Paradise so why would he leave? But nothing stays the same forever and the status quo is changing fast. Can he change with it or is this the end of life as he knows it?





	1. If Photos Steal Souls We’re All Probably Trapped On Someone’s Camera Roll

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “We can forgive a man for making a useful thing as long as he does not admire it. The only excuse for making a useless thing is that one admires it intensely. All art is quite useless.” – Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray 
> 
> Detailed warnings in the end notes - please check them if you're worried about triggers

# Eden

Trouble in Paradise

 

 

Chapter 1: If Photos Steal Souls We’re All Probably Trapped On Someone’s Camera Roll

_I don't know where you're going_   
_But do you got room for one more troubled soul?  
I don't know where I'm going  
But I don't think I'm coming home_   
_And I said, I'll check in tomorrow if I don't wake up dead_   
_This is the road to ruin and we're starting at the end_

– Alone Together by Fall Out Boy

 

**10 th Jan, 1.17pm in Surfers Paradise. 6 days 20 hours and 50 minutes until disaster **

**Current mood: Alone Together**

“I’m not taking no for an answer this time, Wil!” I called out loudly, grateful as I stepped into the dark apartment that I’d actually remembered to take my keys with me. Being locked out was never fun, and it looked like my best friend (also oldest friend, housemate, basically partner in crime) was still in bed. “You’ve been holed up here for ages, this is no way to waste your youth.” At least, I’d assumed that’s what he was doing, because he’d been ignoring my calls all week. Apparently my assumption that he’d been moping around the house had been wrong though, because the room wasn’t the mess I’d left it in. Last week it’d been trashed – a monument to the bender of a week we’d been having since New Years, but right now it was spotless. “Nice one, Wil,” I called out appreciatively, bags dropping noisily to the floor as I gazed around the tidy room. “I hope you didn’t do all this.” It was nice to come home to a clean house, but what was the point in us ditching our last semester if he was just going to waste it picking up after me?

He hadn’t replied yet but I knew he was home – his keys were on his hook by the door. I flicked the souvenir bottle opener hanging from it, a fond smile tugging at my lips. After the semester ended last year we’d been perfectly happy bumming around Brissy, but as Christmas rapidly approached and nosy parents started asking about graduation I needed to GTFO. It wasn’t like we were that behind – both Wil and I were enrolled in the last units we needed in the coming year – but all this talk of “settling down” and “finally starting work” was pissing me off. The logical choice had been to run away again, so here we were in Surfers Paradise, and here was where I intended to stay. We’d gone out on Christmas Eve for the purpose of buying each other the tackiest gift we could find. I’d been sure I’d win with the bottle opener, but Wil had surprised me with a shiny silver dolphin ring and amid much laughter we’d declared it a draw. It embarrassed him daily that I insisted on wearing it on my pinkie, the only finger it fit.

“You missed a fab time up the coast.” I finally heard an answer this time, an indistinct groan from his room. Grinning to myself, I sank onto the couch to wait for him. Wil hadn’t wanted to come to the Sunshine Coast with me, begging off the trip and claiming he wanted to stay and work. He’d been ignoring my calls though, and while I wasn’t worried I was curious about what had caught his attention, so after yet another call went through to message I’d cut my plans short, deciding to drive back down to Surfers to investigate.

It was obvious he hadn’t been lying about working. Lights and a white backdrop were set up in the living room, the thick curtains drawn which explained why it was so dark in here. Wil’s tablet was on the couch, a tap on the screen waking it up and I chuckled to myself that it was unlocked –would he ever learn? – but the sound died on my lips as it opened on a picture of a beautiful boy.

“You’re back.” The words were mumbled around a yawn and I didn’t glance up from the screen – I was too absorbed in the collection of photos of Wil’s latest subject. “Did you message? I must’ve missed it,” he added, and I made a noise of agreement as I heard him shuffle towards the kitchen. “How was the SC?” he asked, and I finally looked up, having to tear my eyes away from the picture of a lithe, tanned body sprawled over familiar grey satin sheets, the liquid folds of fabric the only thing preserving the modesty of the model.

“Fine,” I answered, still distracted. “Not as much fun as you’ve been having,” I added, punctuating my statement with an eyebrow raise and to my delight I saw he couldn’t look at me, clearing his throat before he lifted the milk bottle to his lips.

“I told you – I’ve been working,” he insisted before taking a swig, and I went back to scrolling through the gallery.

“I can see that.” I swiped to another shot; this time the model had his eyes closed and despite the fact that he was almost definitely naked under the cleverly draped sheet he looked innocent, almost angelic in feigned sleep. “Who is he?”

“No one,” Wil said, and the tablet was tugged from my hands.

“Aw, don’t be stingy.” I didn’t wrestle him for it though. It’s not like he ever locked it – I could always look again later. “He’s gorgeous, where’d you find him?”

“We met just after you left,” he admitted, and I watched with amusement as he sank onto the opposite couch, facing where I’d sprawled, my feet hanging off the edge to avoid putting my shoes all over the white leather. He was obviously scrolling through the gallery as I had just done. “I was taking photos of the sunset and he was just coming in from the surf.” I closed my eyes as I let that mental image fill my mind – sun-blond, tanned and with eyes the colour of the ocean behind him. Water droplets would still be clinging to his smooth chest and he’d have a surfboard tucked under one arm.

“And how exactly did he get from the beach to being naked in your bed?” I asked, looking over in time to spot Wil looking embarrassed again.

“Not _in_ my bed,” he corrected. “Just on it.” He’d set the tablet aside now, a remarkable achievement in my opinion. “I told him he was so perfect he should be a model and he laughed in my face – so I decided to prove it to him.”

“And did you?” My eyes strayed back to the tablet, now lying dark and dormant. I was itching to see what other images it contained.

“Not yet,” he said with a humourless laugh, and by the look on his face I assumed there were other things on his mind besides making him a model. “As of last night he remains “unconvinced”.” _Last night, huh?_ Those shots in the bed were timestamped from yesterday. _Oh, sorry Wilem_ , I thought with an uncharitable smirk, _on the bed._

“I wanna meet him.”

“Of course you do,” he said around a long-suffering sigh. “But it’ll be a cold day in hell before I introduce you to Damien.”

“So it’s Damien, is it?” I mused, laughing when I heard Wil’s quietly muttered curse. “Calm down, Wil.” He looked less than reassured. “I have zero interest in stealing your new toy.”

“You will though,” he said petulantly, taking up the tablet again as he rose to his feet. “You always do.” He hesitated for a moment, bottom lip caught in his teeth as he seemed to debate dragging up the old _you-always-take-my-boyfriends_ argument again. I was spared the lecture this time though – the intercom had just rung. Wil went to it as I sunk back into the soft upholstery, eyes closing and it was only when I heard his low moan of frustration that I looked over again.

 _“Of all the days to be early,”_ he muttered under his breath, and then, “Hey, Damien, come on up,” in a forcefully cheerful tone into the intercom. I felt a slow smile spreading over my face as Wil wheeled around to point at me sternly. “Behave yourself, Seb, promise me,” he commanded, and I tried to school my face into a serious expression as I crossed over my heart. “I’m serious,” he said, and by his tone I didn’t doubt it. “Don’t ruin this for me. I love him and the last thing I need is you swooping in and stealing him.”

“Would I do that?” I said, a look of wounded innocence on my face, but before Wil could reply that _yes, yes you would_ the door was opening and I was treated to the glorious vison of Damien in the flesh.

***

“Lo, Wil.” Damien greeted his friend casually, looking perfectly relaxed in our apartment as he wandered into the kitchen. It made me wonder just how much time he’d been spending here while I’d been up the coast – and what other photos might be saved on Wil’s tablet. “I was thinking, instead of shooting today we could hit the beach – remember I said I’d take you surfing? – it’s a perfect day for it and if we get there soon the swells won’t be too big.” Wil’s attention split between where Damien was helping himself to a drink and where I was watching from the couch as our guest bent at the waist, arm leaning on the open fridge door as he moved the milk aside to find a cider.

“I don’t think I’m up to surfing, Damien,” Wil told him evenly, and when he looked up, bottle cap twisting off under his palm I saw the moment he noticed me.

“Oh. Hi,” he said, all adorable awkwardness with a light flush colouring his cheeks.

“This is Seb, my oldest friend,” Wil told him, a touch morosely I thought as Damien came over.

“Nice to meet you,” he said eagerly, and I didn’t miss the way his eyes strayed lower before flicking back up to my face. I smiled wolfishly, glancing over to Wil to check his reaction to the object of his affection so blatantly checking me out, but his back was to us as he headed for the vacated kitchen. I stood up as he moved to offer his hand – his palm was cool from the cold glass and his grip was firm and confident, despite his apparent shyness.

“Just as charming as your photos,” I told him, and I was delighted to see the flush in his cheeks deepen. “And even more handsome in real life. Wil’s right – it’s a waste not to capture you on camera.”

“Do you think so?” he asked, and it was pure innocence, devoid of vanity. “I still feel awks as all hell doing it but Wil always says the nicest things.”

“Well I don’t have anything nice to say right now,” Wil said sternly, and I turned to see him leaning against the kitchen counter, one hand planted flat on the bench as he pointed to the door with the bottle of cider he’d just opened. “I’m kicking you out, Seb – I’ve got plans for today and you’re only going to distract my subject.”

“Harsh, Wil,” I replied, turning a look on Damien, all bright-eyed and eager. “You don’t mind me hanging out, do you Damien?”

“Of course not!” Damien insisted, but the innocently bashful look on his face was at odds with his declaration. I couldn’t help the smile on my face as he looked earnestly at Wil. “I swear I won’t be distracted – I’ll do everything just like you say,” he promised, and Wil took a long swig of his drink to avoid looking at either of us.

“Stay then, Sebastian,” he said eventually in a flatly defeated tone. “God forbid you should do something productive with your time.”

“I suppose I could always go catch up with the squad,” I suggested mildly, and Wil pulled a face like he was about to point out exactly how unlikely that was – he knew better than anyone I didn’t give a shit about the uni friends who’d followed us down here – but before he could say anything Damien was interjecting loudly.

“It’s fine, really. I _want_ you to stay.” At Damien’s statement Wil looked between us, the crease between his brows deepening as he heaved another sigh.

“Stay, Seb.” The look in his eyes was still unwelcoming but he’d at least lightened his tone. “You only just got home, after all.” I grinned at the both of them, and Damien was grinning back at me over Wil’s shoulder.

“So you live here, too?” Damien asked excitedly, and he positively beamed when I put an arm around his shoulder to escort him Wil’s room, where Wil had already disappeared to start setting up. This hadn’t been what I was expecting to find when I’d decided on a whim this morning to drive back down to Surfers Paradise, but it was definitely a welcome distraction.

***

“Tilt your head just – yes! Now hold that…”

Wil was directing from behind his lens, coming out every now and then to pose his model _just so_. We were in Wil’s room, some of us much more clothed than others as Damien lay posing amongst the satin sheets again. Apparently, Wil had had “ideas” for poses he’d wanted to try after their shoot yesterday so they were recreating the scene – I’d been about to comment under what circumstances those idea’s might’ve occurred to him, but then I’d been glared out of the room when Damien had to strip. But if Wil was still annoyed by my presence he gave no indication as he snapped away, earnestly focused as he always was with a camera in his hands. The fact that it seemed his intentions didn’t run to sleeping with Damien even if I hadn’t crashed the shoot today I honestly thought was a wasted opportunity, and so very Wilem. Here was a gorgeous boy, literally naked in his bed, and Wil was calmly telling him to _touch your neck, curl your fingers a bit, just like that_ …

It was driving me wild.

But Wil had always been as patient as I was fickle. It was in spite of, or maybe because of this duality we’d been friends so long. In any case, he seemed perfectly calm as he moved to direct Damien again, holding the sheet and arranging it to reveal even more skin. The rapid click of the shutter filled the air again and I caught Damien’s eye for a moment, watching the change in his expression as I lounged, arms crossed, against the wall. God, he really was fucking gorgeous, every line of him the epitome of physical perfection, and the innocent aura he projected every time his eyes darted across the room to catch me staring at him was the cherry on top.

“Damn,” Wil swore softly, and I turned to him curiously. “I need the 50mm,” he muttered to himself and he’d already turned towards the door before he suddenly remembered his model. “You can relax for a sec,” he told him. “I’ve just gotta get another lens.” Damien visibly relaxed, slumping to the bed before rolling over and pulling the sheet with him to sink face-down into the mattress for a moment. Wil disappeared and Damien looked up again, shy as he watched me drift closer. I took the armchair facing the bed, forcing him to twist around to keep me in sight.

“You look bored,” he said with a disappointed expression and I had to smile.

“Are you kidding?” I scoffed lightly. “It’s not every day I get to watch a hot young thing rolling around in bed.” He looked away bashfully, the desired effect, but to my surprise he managed a retort.

“I don’t believe you,” he said, and if he was blushing the light layer of makeup he wore was hiding it. “I’ll bet you’ve got hot young things in your bed all the time.”

“Maybe,” I agreed with a laugh. “But that doesn’t mean I wasn’t bored then – or that I’m bored now.” He’d pulled the sheet across his lap as he sat up, still modest of his nakedness as I moved to sit on the bed next to him. “It sounds like Wil’s in the zone though, so I hope you’ve got some stamina left.”

“You’d be surprised how long I can go for,” he shot back, and he was all confidence and bluster until I let my gaze drop from his face to travel lower.

“I’d be interested to find out if that’s true,” I told him, watching the effect that had on him. His breath had quickened, and when I leaned closer to capture his lips with mine he was soft and yielding. It was brief – Wil would be back any second now and I didn’t want to be caught in the act, or found out by tell-tale kiss-bitten lips – but when I moved away Damien’s cheeks were flushed a dull red despite the foundation, his eyes brighter than before and I couldn’t help the feeling of triumph that swelled my chest. “That’s our secret,” I whispered, one finger to my lips as I swivelled to stand up. Damien’s gaze followed me as I leant back against the wall again. “Wil would kill me if you tell.”

“I won’t tell,” he whispered back, still looking awestruck but before I could flirt any more Wil was striding back into the room and Damien scrambled to flip over, eyes going wide with horror when Wil started attaching the new lens and ordered Damien to take his pose. This was almost too easy. And it was hilarious to see the look of concentration on his face, having to hide my laugh with a cough as Damien at first insisted that they’d been shooting this way all along, and the annoyed insistence of Wil that he was wrong and that Damien should roll back over immediately.

***

I was glad Wil didn’t drag it out after that, because naked model Damien wasn’t exactly riveting. I mean, there’s only so much entertainment you can derive from watching some hot guy naked in the sheets when you’re not allowed to _touch_ said naked hot guy, so I was much happier with the current arrangement, which was sitting on the roof terrace getting drunk. Damien was managing to match me drink for drink, which was equal parts impressive and amusing. Wil on the other hand was sitting stiffly at the table after coming back out to join us, casting mournful looks at the both of us every so often while still nursing his second cider.

“Congrats on yet another successful shoot, Wil,” I told him, and he acknowledged it with a silent toast, raising the half-empty bottle at me. “When are you finally gonna tell your parents this is what you wanna do?” I asked, and under the sudden scrutiny of both Damien and I he looked cornered, eyes widening in horror at the prospect.

“How ‘bout never?” he said, managing to play it off coolly in front of our guest, but I knew him better than that.

“You know they’d probs be super cool about it,” I mused, thinking of Wil’s dad and how nice he was, so unlike my own cold, standoffish old man.

“You think?” Wil said, nose scrunched up like he didn’t believe me. “Pa’s already got half a dozen jobs for me come July – he said I can pick, but…” he trailed off, a complicated look on his face, and I knew exactly how he felt. Wil’s family had a hand in lots of things: shipping, construction, bit of real estate, and the plan was for Wil to manage something eventually, but he’d never cared for it. “ _I just wanna take photos,”_ was all he’d ever said when I asked him what he wanted to do with his life. Not like I had a better plan anyway.  “What about you, then?” he asked, neatly turning it back on me. “Have you told—“

“Nope,” I said, quickly cutting him off and avoiding his judgment look. From the corner of my eye I saw him heave a sigh.

“What’re you gonna do after graduation?” A valid question, one I’d been wrestling with for a few years now.

“Can’t tell you what I don’t know.”  

“Y’know, I’ve always thought you’d do well in the casino business,” Wil mused, and don’t mistake that for a complement – the side-eye he was giving me undermined any sincerity in the sentiment. I smirked at Wil’s sassiness – all a show for Damien – but I shrugged my shoulders.

“We’ll see. I’m not really interested.”

“What’s this about casinos?” Damien asked, leaning forward in interest, and Wil answered for me as I took another swig.

“Seb’s family own a bunch of them – ever heard of King’s?” he asked, and I grinned to myself as Damien’s eyes went wide.

“Shit, they’re like the biggest in the country,” he said, face lit up with excitement as he turned back to me. “You must be rich.”

“And morally bankrupt,” Wil added, and I shot him an amused look. “I dunno why you hate the idea so much, Seb,” he said, one eyebrow quirked as he swirled the last of his drink in the bottom of the bottle. “I think it suits you.”

“Maybe,” I conceded with a laugh. “But it’s still work, so…” My gaze drifted over the view off the veranda, trailing off as I spotted Damien lazing on one of the deck chairs, a cider propped on one bent knee and his hand shading his eyes in the late afternoon light. “I think I’ll just hang around here until someone notices.”

“How responsible,” Wil said sarcastically, then seemed to remember Damien and turned to him with an earnest look. “Don’t listen to a word he says, ok? He’s the worst role model.” I grinned as Damien immediately leapt to my defence, sitting up to gesture with his drink.

“But it makes so much sense!” he said passionately. “Why can’t we just do what we want with our lives – they’re _our_ lives!” Wil stared in shock for a few seconds before rounding on me, mouth flattened to a hard line.

“Jesus, Seb, what’ve you been telling him?” he asked, clearing annoyed, and I avoided his accusing stare as I finished the last of my drink.

“Dunno what you mean,” I lied, but Wil was unconvinced, shaking his head at me. I smiled, lowering the empty bottle to the ground and Damien was getting up, asking if anyone else needed another drink and trotting off happily to the kitchen to fetch another two ciders.

“I mean it, Seb,” Wil said seriously after the sliding door had clicked closed, Damien safely on the other side of the glass. “Stop filling his head with ideas – you’re gonna ruin him.”

“Relax, Wil,” I said impatiently, eyes shut against the bright light slanting in, making everything glow gold. “He’s all yours.” A smile tugged at my lips as I remembered earlier, just after the shoot. Wil had reluctantly let the objection of his fixation go as he packed up the set, and I’d taken him out to the roof for an illuminating chat. A couple of complements had been all I needed and Damien was putty in my hands, and we’d just been getting to the good bit when Wil interrupted, shooting me a death glare as Damien jumped guiltily away.

“You should come to town with us tonight,” I said abruptly as Damien returned, handing me another drink.

“That’d be awesome,” he said, agreeing readily, but I could see Wil frowning at me again.

“He’s not old enough.” Wil’s chastise earned a darted glance from Damien, who was quick to respond. It seemed like fifth-cider Damien (or sixth, really, if we’re counting the one from earlier) was much looser-tongued than the sober version.

“I’ll be eighteen in two days,” he declared, and I turned a smirk on Wil.

“ _He’ll be eighteen in two days_ ,” I parroted sweetly, watching the colour rising in Wil’s face before he deliberately looked away and finally drained the last of his drink. This wasn’t the time for teasing Wil about cavorting with a minor though; I wasn’t dumb enough to start throwing stones from my own glass house. “And Eden will let him in,” I said instead, and a delighted smile was lighting up Damien’s face as I continued. “We’ll just book the VIP room like always – they never card us.”

“Really?” he asked excitedly, and I gave him my most indulgent smile. I could see Wil was even less fond of this idea, and I wasn’t surprised when he got up suddenly.

“I don’t feel like going out,” he said shortly. “You go if you want, Seb. I’m having an early night.”

“Don’t be like that, Wil,” I goaded, knowing that this would only make him more determined not to go. “Come and have fun with us.”

“No, I don’t think it’s a good idea,” he said with finality, and with an almost stern look at Damien he added, “I don’t think you should go either.”

“But I’ve never been to Eden before!” Damien whined insistently, and I knew there would be no changing either of their minds. Wil was looking at me intensely and I met his gaze, unable to keep the smirk off my face.

“Remember what you promised,” he said suddenly, and my smirk widened.

“I don’t remember making any promises,” I told him, and I drank in the pained expression on his face like the delicious elixir it was.

“C’mon Damien, I’ll drive you home,” Wil said, turning away from me dismissively.  

“I’ll pick you up tonight, round eleven ok?” I couldn’t believe how excited he looked at the prospect.

“Yeah, I’ll be ready,” he said, eyes wide in wonder as I hid my grin behind a drink. “See you then.” He followed Wil inside and I settled back on my deckchair, enjoying the feel of the afternoon sun on my face before Wil’s voice floated back to me.

“I’ll be back in a bit then. Want anything while I’m out?” He was half out the door, a troubled look on his face as I waved off the offer, drowning the words that came to mind with more alcohol. I doubted very much Wil wanted to hear that I would be going out to get what I wanted myself later tonight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Important Warnings:
> 
> Age gaps: Damien is underage (about to turn 18) when we meet him. Seb and Wil are both 23 so if age gaps aren’t your thing, this is not the story for you.
> 
> Consent: Everyone here is consenting, no one’s doing anything they don’t wanna do, but pretty much all of the time they’re deciding to do things while under the influence of something so if that bothers you, this is your warning, coz you’re not gonna like it.
> 
> Infidelity/Cheating: Lots of sex, not necessarily between people in love and often without the knowledge/consent of official boyfriends/girlfriends. 
> 
> Queerphobia: Anna has some narrow views on bisexuality and Seb's dad is a bit of a homophobic arsehole. I'll tag mentions on specific chapters but it shouldn't be too awful. No one agrees with them, they're well and truly on their own with those opinions.


	2. If You Ever Wanted To Check Your Privilege, Now’s Probably Not The Time

Chapter 2: If You Ever Wanted To Check Your Privilege, Now’s Probably Not The Time

_I've loved everything about you that hurt_ __  
_So let me see your moves_ __  
_Let me see your moves_ __  
_Lips pressed close to mine_ __  
_True blue_ __  
_But the prince of any failing empire knows that_ __  
_Everybody wants, everybody wants_ __  
_To drive on through the night_ _  
_ _If it's a drive back home_

– G.I.N.A.S.F.S. by Fall Out Boy

 

**Current mood: G.I.N.A.S.F.S**

Wil had grudgingly given me Damien’s address, and in return I’d let him give me his lecture on morality. Or at least I hadn’t left until he’d finished, but I hadn’t really been listening.

“Sure you don’t wanna come, Wil?” I asked for about the hundredth time as I took my keys off the hook, but he just shook his head, looking torn.

“Make good choices.” I took in the stern look on his face, unable to stop the grin from spreading across mine.

“You know me.” With a wink and a patronising pat on his cheek I left him, keys swinging from my finger as I headed downstairs. When I pulled up outside Damien’s flat I was expecting him to be impressed and he didn’t disappoint. The look of wonder on his face was stroking my ego as he climbed into the front seat of the Lotus.

“ _Holy shit an actual Exige._ ” He looked awestruck, mouth hanging open as I laughed and told him I’d picked it for the colour. I didn’t know why I pretended not to know things but it got a surprised laugh out of him and that was enough. “This can’t be real life,” he said, already in with his door closed after him and he looked like he wanted to start touching everything as his eyes roamed over the dash.

“You’d better buckle up,” I warned, and he quickly complied, still grinning, but he gasped as I floored it.

“Holy shit!” I just grinned, enjoying the sound of the blow off valve and the way he was thrown back in his seat. It wasn’t far to town, and maybe that was a good thing because it was way too tempting to show off and this car drew enough unwanted attention. A bright yellow beacon for nosy cops.

“Ready for your first taste of paradise?” I asked, and he grinned in reply. Eden was my nightclub of choice, having frequented the place since coming down to the Gold Coast in December, and as I suspected the bouncer didn’t stop Damien, waving us both through.

“This is so cool,” Damien murmured under his breath, looking exactly like a kid on Christmas as we walked the short corridor, bass thrumming in the air. I was heading to the stairs and the VIP rooms, something Wil and I discovered on New Year’s Eve, but Damien seemed keen to hit the floor before anything else. “C’mon, let’s dance!” He’d grabbed my hand, pulling me towards the packed dancefloor and I went with him easily, enjoying his enthusiasm as he turned to dance close, letting go of my hand but finding my hip instead as he found the beat to move to. The song was already bleeding into the next one and for a moment the sway of his hips slowed, then his eyes went wide as he screamed “I love this song!” and he was dancing with abandon again. It was easy to lose myself in the music, because Damien was _good_ at this. It was a shame Wil hadn’t wanted to come – he was missing a great show.

“ _Mmh, nice_ ,” a voice said in my ear, and I turned to see Liv smiling wickedly at me. “Gonna share this one?”

“Nope,” I said, pulling Damien closer with a hand on his waist. He hadn’t even noticed the interruption, and as my hand slid down to his hip he was grinding up on me.

“Too bad,” she said, and Damien spotted it this time because she was leaning on my shoulder, mouth barely an inch from my ear. “He looks yummy.” I watched the emotions play over Damien’s face as he watched. There was no way he could have heard her but he seemed to realise we were talking about him judging by the uncertain look in his eyes.

“Friend of yours?” he leaned in to ask.

“Never seen her before in my life,” I said, with a hand on her shoulder to push her off me. She gave me a patronising look before glancing at Damien again, which brought her grin back immediately.

“Later, Seb,” she said, leaning back in to kiss my cheek, and while I was frowning I let her, because one perfectly manicured nail was tapping my other cheek, the vague threat enough to hold me still. “Have fun, then,” she hissed, but then she was gone and it was easy enough to forget about her, especially with the way Damien was rubbing up on me.

“Wanna drink?” Damien mimed, and I realised I’d completely lost track of time.

“Upstairs,” I mouthed back, pointing up and he nodded eagerly, following after me as I led him off the dancefloor. I caught sight of Liv again just as we reached the stairs. She blew me a kiss and I stopped to let Damien overtake me, one hand on the small of his back as I threw her an annoyed look that didn’t seem to faze her one bit.

“This’s the poshest place I’ve ever been,” he said in wonder as I gestured him into our private room. I tried not to scoff at that – I was trying to seduce him not insult him – but fortunately he’d been distracted by the stocked bar and my expression was lost on him as I shut the door firmly behind us. The music was already on, although much quieter up here, the same music being dj’d downstairs coming through speakers mounted high on the walls. “Who was that girl before?” Damien was at the window now, watching the dancefloor below where we’d so recently been. I bypassed it without a glance, heading for the sofa.

“Liv. Or call her Olivia, if you wanna annoy the fuck out of her. Know her from uni,” I said, sinking into the soft upholstery appreciatively.

“I thought she might be an ex-girlfriend.” It was cute how he thought he was being clever, but best nip that one in the bud.  

“I don’t date.” _Anymore_. What a hassle that had been. I’d given it up years ago as a bad joke.

“So this isn’t a date then?” he asked coyly, turning to lean against the window, body angled towards me.

“Only in the very loosest sense of the word,” I said, and he looked like he still might be harbouring some hopes, so I added, “I don’t do relationships, Damien. I’m not looking for love, I just like fucking.” He was watching my lips as I spoke, and he licked his lips, seemingly unaware that he’d done it and I fought to keep the satisfied smirk off my face.

“Can I get you a drink?” he offered, turning towards the bar before looking back at me quickly, like he was afraid of letting me out of his sight.

“Sure,” I replied easily, arms behind my head as I relaxed on the couch. “What can you make?” He bit his lip shyly for a moment before recovering with a question of his own.

“What do you like?” I considered his question for a moment, feeling more than seeing the way he was watching me even as my own gaze raked down his body.

“I think you know already.”

“In that case,” he declared, and he’d taken first one, then a second hesitant step closer. “I _think_ I know what you want.” He’d grown in confidence, perhaps taking my answering smile as encouragement and he was sliding onto my lap, knees either side of my thighs as my hands found his waist. “Am I right?” he asked, but instead of giving him an answer I pulled him closer, finding that he was already sinking down to meet my lips with his.

Eager hands were on my shoulders, sliding around my neck and pulling at my hair as he rocked his hips into me. He hadn’t objected when I’d slipped my hands under his shirt to touch him, and when my hands splayed on his back he’d arched into the touch with enthusiasm. One hand was catching mine now, dragging it around his waist until I could feel the tell-tale twitch, the proof of his arousal, pressed under my palm.

“You can touch me,” he said, breathless with excitement and I swallowed down my moan of appreciation.

“Except you’re still seventeen. I’m not sure this particular whim is worth a court appearance.” He leaned back, pouting, and he tugged on the hand he still held impatiently until he could read my watch, which showed it was already after midnight.

“Only for another twenty-four hours,” he said petulantly. 

“And you can bet you’ll stay untouched for at least another four of those hours,” I told him, sliding him sideways off my lap and biting back the laugh that bubbled up as he sprawled on the sofa. “Because I’m not fucking you in a nightclub.”

“You’re so romantic,” he said dryly, flopping over to lean on the armrest to watch as I moved over to the bar. “Gonna treat me right?” he asked cheekily, and I flashed him a wink as I set two glasses on the counter.

“Only the very best for you, Damien,” I said, selecting a bottle and turning it over to read the label. Select batch scotch – I doubted he’d appreciate it but it would get him drunk fast and I poured us one each over ice. “What shall we drink to?” He’d slid to his feet, all grace and easy elegance as he plucked the offered tumbler from my fingers.

“How about we drink to whims?” he offered, and I smiled my agreement.

“To whims,” I repeated, and after a clink of crystal I took a sip. _Poor Wilem_ , I thought with an uncharitable smirk, because the innocent muse he wanted so desperately to keep from my contaminating influence was sliding an empty glass back onto the bar before palms were gliding over my chest. I felt every inch of his body pressed up against mine as his hands dropped over my shoulders, and it was almost a relief when I tasted the whisky on his tongue.

***

“There’s that girl again,” Damien said, hand cupped to my ear so I could hear him over the music. We’d come back downstairs to dance again and I looked back over my shoulder, spotting Liv and a few other familiar faces in the crowd. It hadn’t just been a line earlier – I didn’t plan on sleeping with him here, but he was certainly testing the boundaries now. The hand on my chest dropped a few inches lower and I turned back, gut clenching at the sight of Damien with his eyes closed, head back and lights playing in a wash of colour on the column of his neck. We needed to get out of here soon because we’d ended up finishing that bottle of scotch and I was probably only another two songs worth of dirty dancing away from just fucking him in the VIP room like he’d been begging me too all night.

“Think you can behave?” I growled in his ear, and he laughed, the sound lost in the music but the rumble of his chest pressed against mine only feeding the desire to rip his clothes off. There was a hand sneaking under my shirt and I caught it just like I had the last few times. He wasn’t bothered, or the slightest bit deterred.

“Can we get out of here?” he asked, leaning close so I could hear him and still grinding up on me, and I was distracted enough to let go of his hand which he quickly took advantage of, sliding it between us to touch the obvious bulge in my pants. If he got busted as underage at this point I was definitely getting arrested.

“That’s a _fantastic_ idea,” I muttered to myself, and while he couldn’t have heard he got the gist, grinning as I slipped my phone from my pocket to open the Uber app.

“Can I drive?” he shouted, I couldn’t help it, I laughed, but far from offended he still looked pleased with himself, arms going around my neck again as he leaned in closer. “I _love_ your car.”  

“Let’s go.” I didn’t bother shouting it, hoping he could either lip-read or he’d get the idea when I reached up to grab one of his hands, pulling him in the opposite direction of Liv and the rest of the squad now that I could see Annalise, hoping she hadn’t spotted me too. A quick check of the app told me we didn’t have long to wait so I took us straight towards the exit, and soon we were outside in the cool night air, the bass just a distant buzz now as Damien skipped drunkenly to the curb. “Woah,” I called out, tugging him back by the hold I still had on his hand. “Careful. Jeez, I think you’ve had a bit too much tonight, huh?”

“Nuh uh,” he childishly argued, and there was a thought in the back of my mind that while it was endearingly cute right now, that could get old fast.

“Well just hang back here anyway, ok? Can’t even imagine having to tell Wil I watched you get run over.”

“Wil would be sad,” he said solemnly, and I agreed before he added, “Wil likes me.” I was wondering if he’d noticed. Not that Wil was exactly subtle or anything.

“Yes, I think he does,” I said, unable to hold in the laugh at the look of thoughtful concentration on his face.

“Do _you_ like me?” he asked, and he bumped into me as he crowded closer.

“Yep, sure do,” I told him, and he smiled, big and genuine as I tucked a stray lock of hair behind his ear.

“Good,” he said emphatically, eyes closing as he leaned into the touch. “Coz I like you too.” I shook my head, unseen as he wavered on his feet but I had him, an arm around his waist anchoring him to me. “You’re _sexy_.”

“Why thank you.” I grinned. I’ve said it before but I’ll say it again. Too. Easy.

“I wanna do stuff with you,” he said, words rushed and his eyes were opening again, focusing in on mine.

“Yeah? What kinda stuff?” God he was so drunk. I doubted we’d be doing _anything_ tonight, he was probably gonna pass out in the car.

“ _Sexy stuff_ ,” he said, leaning closer to stage whisper it, and his lips brushed my cheek.

“We can do sexy stuff if you like.” He nodded, eyes lighting up instantly. “Not right _now_ ,” I added, catching the hand reaching for my pants again. My phone buzzed in my pocket, and a glance around confirmed a car had pulled up just down the street. “That’ll be our ride, Day, c’mon.” He was putting on a fake pout, struggling to hide a grin and I kept glancing back watching the grin’s progress as it slowly won out.

“King?” the driver asked.

“Yep, that’s us,” I confirmed, then, “careful, Day, watch your head,” as I held the door open for him to climb into the back of the sedan. I followed him in but I’d barely got the door closed before he landed in my lap.

“Your car’s nicer,” Damien murmured softly, words spoken against my lips between kisses. I’d reached up without thinking, fingers carding through his hair as I pulled him back down to kiss again. “But there’s no backseat in the Lotus,” he added with a smirk. The quiet but insistent “ _ah hem,”_ from the driver reminded me with a start where we were, and Damien laughed when I pushed him gently off my lap again, hand coming up to wipe at my mouth self-consciously.

“Sorry, man,” I said, turning to watch as Damien wrestled with his seatbelt. “Damien, we dropping you at your place first?” He grinned, face half-hidden in shadows and eyes on me as he clearly gave the driver my own street address, and he looked so pleased with himself I couldn’t help returning his satisfied smile. He’d managed to fasten his seatbelt but turned to lean against the door, bright eyes watching me from the shadows as the car rolled into the street. Damien had one leg propped up on the seat, foot lazily swinging and every stroke brushed against my leg. It was the only place he was touching me and honestly we couldn’t get home fast enough – when the car finally pulled up I handed the driver a fifty and told him to keep the change.

“Thanks, mate!” Damien told the driver brightly as he climbed out after me, and I felt his hand reach for mine, sliding down my wrist until we were palm to palm and he could lace his fingers with mine.

“You sure you wanna come up?” I asked, giving him his out, but he just grinned and swayed closer, and my eyes drifted shut as he kissed me, hesitantly at first but growing in confidence when I didn’t pull away.

“Does that answer your question?” he asked softly, a little breathless but his grip on my hand tightened.

“C’mon then.” It was too dark out here. The security lights must be out because the only light now that the car had disappeared down the hill was coming from across the street as I fumbled with my wallet to swipe us into the building.

“You gotta be quiet, ok?” I warned when the elevator reached the top floor, which on reflection was probably unnecessary because Damien hadn’t said a single word the entire ride up. Unlocking the front door silently was a mission, trying to hold my keys steady to stop the jingle was not an easy feat when Damien still had a death-grip on my other hand.

The apartment was dark and silent, no light visible from under Wil’s door, and I put my finger to my lips as I nodded towards my bedroom. Our shoes on the tiles sounded a hundred times louder in the stillness of the night and Damien had to smother a giggle as he tiptoed across the living room. Only once my door was closed behind us did I breathe a sigh of relief, kicking off my shoes and leaning on the wall for balance now that Damien had finally let go of my hand. I peeled off a sock, watching as he imitated me, and by the time I’d started unbuttoning my shirt he was pulling his over his head.

“Why’re you looking at me like that?” he asked in a whisper, shirt still bundled in his hands but he didn’t resist as I plucked it off him, letting it fall to the floor as I took a step closer.

“Because you’re gorgeous,” I told him honestly. His hands came up to grip my shirt where it gaped open at the top. “I think you’re the most beautiful human I’ve ever seen.” He swayed, unsteady on his feet and bumped into the wall, sagging against it for support and pulling me closer with his hands still fisted in my shirt.

“So you wouldn’t want me if I was old and ugly?” he asked, looking curious and sounding more sober than he had thirty minutes ago. When I reached up to touch him he jumped, but when my fingertips just skimmed over his arms, brushing up to his shoulders before dragging lightly down again he relaxed into it.

“Does it matter?” I asked, and his grip loosened on my shirt, sliding a few inches lower although he wasn’t letting go. 

“Yes,” he said, sounding more sure of himself by the second as I moved to undo the last of my buttons. “I want to be loved for _me_.”

“But I do love you for you,” I insisted. “Your youth and your body are as much a part of you as your mind or your soul,” I explained gently. The hands had let go now to slip under my open shirt to touch, hesitantly at first but quickly growing adventurous as they dipped lower to graze over my belt. “Not appreciating them would be like ignoring part of you.”  

“Did you really just say you loved me on a first date?” he asked, and his head tilted to regard me, a cheeky grin on his face as he slouched against the wall. I could fell his fingers hook into my belt loops, tugging me closer and I took the invitation, hands on the wall as I leaned in a brushed a teasing kiss on the corner of his mouth. 

“Don’t date, remember?” was my glib answer. “Besides, I’m trying to charm the pants off you. Funny,” I said thoughtfully, pulling back as far as he’d let me – he still had a tight grip on those belt loops. “That usually does the trick.” He was still grinning, hands moving to undo my belt now and I let him, moistening my lips as he tugged at my jeans to get my fly undone. I was already hard, straining against the stiff denim and my cock twitched every single time his hand brushed against me.

“Trust me, it’s working,” he confirmed, and his hand was cupped over me, hot and pressing insistently as I rocked into the touch. My hand was sliding down his side, down over his hips and between us to get between his legs and he took the hint, legs parting enough for me to slip my knee between his thighs.  

“Is it?” I was crushing him into the wall, lips just grazing his ear. “Because you seem to still be wearing yours.”

“I can fix that,” he said, and I could feel every shallow breath he took where we were pressed together. As soon as I moved back his hands flew to his fly, quickly unzipping it and pushing his jeans down his legs until he could step out of them.

“ _God, I just want to take you apart_.” I’d whispered it, almost reverently as I crowded closer. His eyes closed when my hand slipped between his legs again, his hard length caught in his pants and throbbing where my wrist pressed into it.

“Wait—“ he cut himself off, and when I looked he’d squeezed his eyes shut, but they flew open the second I backed off. “No, shit, I didn’t mean _stop_ —“ he babbled, and when I took another step back he followed me, reaching out to catch my hand. “Just, holy shit this is awesome and scary and _I don’t know what I’m doing._ ” He whispered the last part furiously, his cheeks glowing red.

“Relax, we don’t have to do anything you’re not ready for,” I told him, and he seemed reassured, reassured enough to tug on my hand a few times anyway, and I smiled and pulled him over to the bed. “Ok?” The back of my knees hit the edge of the mattress and I let myself fall backwards, watching the way his eyes went wide, a satisfied grin back on his face as he climbed up on top of me.  

“Ok,” he agreed, knees sliding wider as he leaned down, hands sliding up my chest and under the shirt I was still wearing and pushing it open while greedy eyes took everything in. “Can you take these off?” he asked, and he was tugging at the waistband of my jeans, undone but still around my hips.

“How ‘bout you do that?” I suggested, tucking my hands under my head and watching as he bit his lip.

“Ok,” he said, all traces of fear gone now and replaced with enthusiasm.

Dear god this boy was gonna _end me_ , he was so fucking precious. He was sliding off me, avoiding my gaze as he tugged my jeans down and I lifted my hips to help as he pulled them off. The soft flump of them hitting the carpet punctuated the silence before he crowded closer again, kneeling next to me as he reached out to trace the edge of the elastic at my waist.

“I didn’t know you had a tattoo,” he said, eyes lighting up as he touched the mark at my hip, and I groaned inwardly when fingers tugged my pants lower to reveal the art. “FOB – what does that mean?” he asked curiously, tracing the outline of the crown above the letters and I grabbed his fingers to pull his hand away.

“It means I got a tattoo when I was eighteen,” I told him dryly. “I don’t recommend it.”

“Yeah but I wouldn’t pick something stupid,” he countered, realising a second later what that sounded like. “Not that yours is stupid.”

“No, it’s pretty fucking dumb.” _And I’d stop caring years ago_. “Some friend Wil is, coz he full-on just let me get it like a dickhead.” Damien grinned, flopping down next to me and propping up on one elbow.

“Wil’s spider is so fucking cool.” I frowned at the reminder of Wil’s tattoo. God I hated that thing.

“Well why don’t you go wake him up and tell him?” I’d shut my eyes but a peek showed me I’d caught his attention again, and a moment later there was a hand sliding over my hip.

“I think I’d rather stay here,” he said, and I grinned as I reached for him, pulling him down until his weight settled on top of me, legs parting to slide either side of me again.  

“Well thank god for that,” I told him as he sat upright, hands settling low on my chest for balance. “I’d kinda like you to stick around too.” I dragged one of his hands higher, putting it where I wanted it and his fingers brushed hesitantly over my neck, dragging over my Adam’s apple as they uncurled to lie flat. “ _C’mon, Day_ ,” I whispered, and I pushed down until he was pressing harder, hard enough to feel my pulse under his thumb. “I promise you’re not gonna break me.” His grip tightened, just for a second before the tip of a pink tongue moistened his lips.

“Kiss me again?” he asked, thumb sliding slowly against my throat and I swallowed, watching how the change in pressure under his thumb caught his attention.

“Sure, come down here and get it,” I told him, and God I wanted him, wanted to see him fucked-out and breathless, but we had all night – we could do this slow. His hand slid higher to touch my jaw as he leaned in and I pressed my palm down over it, holding his hand there as I caressed his tongue with languid strokes. He was learning fast, too. No more passively letting me kiss him – in the last few hours he’d picked up a few tricks, and right now his tongue was moving against mine in an imitation of how I’d been kissing him all night. He might’ve been trying to give off a cocky air of confidence but it was apparent that he’d either never been kissed before today, or he’d never been kissed properly, and as I reached down to touch him, swallowing each moan as he made it, I reflected that I was happy with either of those possibilities.


	3. Did You Ever Consider It Might Be Your Fault For Expecting Depth From Shallow People

Chapter 3: Did You Ever Consider It Might Be Your Fault For Expecting Depth From Shallow People

 _I'm a loose bolt of a complete machine_  
_What a match,_  
_I'm half doomed and you're semi-sweet_

 _So boycott love_  
_Detox just to retox_  
_And I'd promise you anything for another shot at life_  
_Perfect boys_  
_With their perfect lives_  
_Nobody wants to hear you sing about tragedy_

– Disloyal Order Of Water Buffaloes by Fall Out Boy

 

**9 years ago, Sunshine Coast**

“Seb, I swear to god if you don’t give it back I’m telling ma.” He just laughed at me, completely unconcerned because _of course_ he knew it was an empty threat, and I cast a worried glance at my closed bedroom door. Ma was just downstairs, this was a _nightmare_. “ _Please_ , Seb,” I pleaded, giving up the chase as I tried to catch my breath and he hopped to a stop, my stolen phone still held over his head, and still _just_ out of reach.

“Naughty, naughty Wil.” Seb took the opportunity to start scrolling through it again, eyes fixed on the screen as my own widened in horror. “Just what have you been getting up too?” His eyes were glittering with mischief when he looked at me and I wished for the thousandth time the ground would just open up and swallow me whole – I was _never_ gonna live this down.

“Seb, it’s not what it looks like,” I insisted, licking my lips nervously.  

“Really?” he asked, his grin only growing wider. I made a grab for the phone again but he twisted and easily kept it away from me. “Because it looks a _lot_ like gay porn.” I felt my face flame red and he laughed. This was not _at all_ how I imagined coming out to anyone, let alone to my best friend.

“I was just curious,” I said softly, head hanging until I felt him poke me in the shoulder. My head whipped up again and I gratefully snatched the phone back, but the damage was already done.

“About dicks?” he asked cheekily, and while I worshipped my oldest friend I honestly could’ve throat-punched him right about now. I tossed my phone onto the desk thinking _betrayal! Insubordination! How dare you let me down like this! I hope you break._ But I knew it wasn’t my phone’s fault. “Yes, thank you, let’s never talk about this ever again,” I said, hands over my face, already trying to repress this mortifying experience.

“If you wanna see another dick you know all you had to do was ask, right?” I stopped moving – stopped _breathing_ – _did I just hear that right...?_

“What…?” I asked hesitantly, turning to see he was watching me with bright eyes, the humour gone and replaced by something more intense.

“You wanna try kissing? See if you’re into guys or not?” he asked, shrugging casually like the offer cost him nothing.

“I already know – I mean I don’t need to—” I cut myself off abruptly because _this is not a conversation I’m prepared to have_. Not with Seb. Not in my bedroom.

“So you already know, huh?” _How was he being so cool about this when I was having a melt down?_

“Aren’t you freaked out?” I blurted out, and he laughed again.

“The look on your face, Wil,” he said, still chuckling and I felt the fear in my chest start to dissolve. _Of course_ he was just joking with me. I massaged a hand over my heart, willing it to return to normal. “Why would I freak out?” he asked, and I swallowed hard as I realised he’d been crossing the room and was now right in front of me. “I mean,” he said, reaching out and I froze when I felt the touch on my neck, just a light brush of his fingertips that was somehow making it impossible to move as he leaned closer to add, “You’re kinda turning me on right now.”

 _I’m dead. I’m dead or I’m dying because this is not happening,_ I thought frantically, because there was no way I was standing in my room, lip-locked with my best friend with a tongue licking into my mouth. My eyes had been wide open but I’d quickly slammed them shut, hyper aware of every sound we made, every touch as I felt the hand slide down my neck, another low on my hip, tugging me closer until I was pressed up against him. _This. Can’t. Be. Real._

“You taste like chocolate,” he murmured, pulling back just far enough to get the words out before he was kissing me again, and I was a swirl of uncertainty and relief that he didn’t seem to want to stop until I felt a hand slide under my shirt. I froze – panic seizing me as he chuckled softly. “Scared?” It should’ve sounded like a taunt but there was no malice in his tone.

“Confused,” I said after a moment, eyes still firmly closed as I heard him laugh again.

“That’s what they say isn’t it?” he said. “You’re just _confused_.” I shook my head, but when I opened my eyes I could tell he didn’t mean it.

“I meant I’m confused about _this_ ,” I said, stepping back to gesture between us. I tried very hard not to notice the way my shirt dragged up when it caught on his hand. “Aren’t you “going out” with Indra?” I put a little too much emphasis on the going out, putting it in air quotes before folding my arms over my chest.

“Yeah,” he said, reaching up to run a fingertip over his lower lip thoughtfully. “And she’s been hinting nonstop she wants me to kiss her.” He dropped his hand, and I felt my heart stutter painfully when he licked his lips quickly. “But I dunno. I haven’t really had that much practice yet. So whaddya reckon? Am I any good at it?”

“Umm.” Is that seriously all I had? _Why is it so hard to think clearly right now_? “Yeah. I mean I guess so,” I said slowly. “I don’t have anything to compare it to.” My first and only kiss had been about a year ago, when Sebastian had pecked me quickly on the lips as a dare. A hushed silence had descended over the group before the girls had all squealed, and then every dare he’d got after that had been for him to kiss someone else. I’d hated it at the time, but consoled myself when Seb had told me later that he’d never kissed anyone but his mother before, and never on the lips. _“So you were my first kiss_ ,” he’d said jokingly, and I’d smiled weakly and tried to make a joke back, although to this day I had no idea what I said.

“I figured,” he said with a wry grin, reaching out to push my shoulder. He barely touched me but I was so out of it I had to move my feet to keep my balance. “You alright?” he asked, and he was starting to actually look concerned.

“Fine.” _I mean my best friend, not to mention crush for the last year just kissed me but sure, I’m fine._ “Just,” I took a hasty step back, “don’t do that again.”

“Why not?” He closed the gap again and I took another step back, feeling the back of my knees hitting the bedframe. “I kinda liked it.” I saw him lick his lips again and I let out a shaky breath.

“I like you.” The words tore out of me without my permission and I heard them echoing in my ears as I waited for the rejection.

“Yeah, I guessed that.” He stepped closer and I was pinned between him and my bed. “You’re always looking at me lately,” he added lightly. I couldn’t believe how calm he seemed.

“Seb?” I started, unsure exactly how to say this. “I mean I _like_ you.” My eyes darted to the phone lying quietly on my desk, the thing that started this all when my stupid best friend had found the folder in my gallery I’d been adding to ever since I discovered how easy it was to google dicks. “In a really, _really_ gay way.” He smiled wolfishly, one hand reaching up to my neck and I felt his fingers brush over the pulse throbbing in my throat.

“Stop complaining then,” he said. He was playing with the hair at the nape of my neck, fingertips combing through the short strands. “Because I really, _really_ wanna kiss you again.” He smirked, leaning closer and the hand on my neck was holding me still. I told myself I couldn’t get away, but I was lying as I kissed him back.

“I’ve thought about this a lot,” I admitted, eyes closed and heart pounding. Seb chuckled under his breath, still so close and the thumb slowly stroking up and down my neck was making my knees feel weak. Maybe this was all a dream? There’s no way this was really happening, right? “But I didn’t think you…” I trailed off, swallowing back the words I’d been about to say. _Because Seb’s not gay_. Ever since the dating craze had swept through our year he’d agreed to go out with practically half our class. _The female half_ , my brain supplied helpfully. And yet here he was, fingers still playing with my hair, and even though I was still too scared to open my eyes I could tell he hadn’t moved away.

“Didn’t think what?” he asked, voice a breathy whisper. “That I’d wanna do this with you?” I risked opening my eyes to find him grinning at me. “I dunno if you’ve noticed but you’re kinda cute, Wil.”

“Don’t you like girls?” I blurted out, wishing I could get a handle on myself. He just shrugged disinterestedly, his face a mask of unconcern.

“Sure.” I reached up, intending to move his hand but once my fingers closed over his wrist I lost the resolve to pull it away from me, and he smirked when I just held onto it. “I like you too though.” _Does it work like that?_ Maybe it did for other people. I knew it didn’t for me.  

“Maybe it’s ok for little while then,” I said, eyes already dropping to his lips as the last of my resolve crumbled and his smirk grew wider.

“Whatever you want, Wil,” he said, warm breath on my lips as he leaned in closer, my heart pounding in my chest competing with the butterflies in my stomach and I wondered if this was what it was like to fall in love.

 

***

**11 th Jan, 11.45am in Surfers Paradise. 5 days 22 hours and 22 minutes until the worst happens**

**Current Mood: Disloyal Order of Water Buffaloes**

“Seb?” The knock on my door was stirring me awake, and I made a noise of frustration low in my throat as I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to ignore it. _God,_ I was fucking tired. What did I even do last night? “For fucks sake, Seb! It’s nearly lunch! Are you getting up at all today or—?” Wil’s voice had become clearer as he spoke, having opened the door and I turned my head towards the sound of it, cracking one eye open to spot him framed in the doorway.

“Hmm? Lemme sleep, Wil,” I mumbled blearily, and I tugged on the covers as I rolled over. It caught and I looked over my shoulder to investigate, finding the cause to be Damien, fast asleep and pinning the sheet to the bed with one deliciously toned arm. My gaze travelled down to where the covers were pooling at his waist, revealing what was frankly an alarming amount of tanned skin. I looked back at Wil, standing motionless in the doorway.

“Of course, you must be tired,” he said coldly, and I winced as my door slammed shut.

“ _Wil_ ,” I called after him plaintively, but I didn’t move to get up. A moment later I heard the front door close with a bang and I sighed as I realised I’d have to make it up to him later. I hated it when Wil was cross with me. The fact that it happened more often than not was something I should probably work on. Wil’s immaturity had woken Damien though, and I sank back to the pillow to watch those ocean-coloured eyes blink open slowly, and the moment they focused on me a lazy smile was on his lips.

“Mornin’,” he said, voice raspy with sleep but unable to hide the shy note.

“Hey.” I rubbed the sleep from my eyes, but as he moved I was rolling back over, dragging the newly freed sheet with me as I settled back on my pillow. “Wil’s gone out. Help yourself in the kitchen,” I said around a yawn. “Just don’t wake me up.”

“Ok,” he answered brightly, sounding more awake than he had any right to be. I felt the bed move, heard a rustle of sheets as he shifted closer. There were lips on my shoulder, a single kiss pressed to my skin before he was sliding out of bed and I shut my eyes again. I was more than ready to fall back asleep and a minute later I barely registered the soft _snick_ of my bedroom door closing behind him.

I managed to sleep for a couple more hours according to my phone. I’d grabbed it to silence the incessant buzzing, squinting at the screen to see it was Anna phoning before declining the call. I dragged a hand down my face, wondering if I had to get out of bed at all today but I’d ignored my body’s needs for too long already. A quick trip to the toilet and I felt much better already, and after standing under a warm shower for ten minutes I almost felt like a fully functioning human again. I’d pulled on a robe, tying it loosely at my waist to go and investigate caffeine options, and I was surprised to find Damien curled up on the couch, eyes on the book open on his knees and a thumbnail caught in his teeth.

“Hey.” I greeted him on my way to the kitchen, and he’d looked up after a moment, a faraway look in his eyes before he seemed to snap back to reality.

“Hey,” he mimicked, and as I flicked on the coffee machine he unfolded his legs to stretch. “What time is it?” I heard him murmur, almost to himself and a moment later he’d answered his own question with a laugh and a softly disbelieving, “I can’t believe it’s nearly two-thirty!”

“Wil come back yet?” I asked, and I heard him come into the kitchen.

“Nope, haven’t seen him all day,” he said, and while a mug filled with steaming coffee I turned to give him an appraising look. He must’ve showered – his hair looked soft and un-styled – and rather than redressing in his clothes from yesterday he was wearing one of my shirts. It hit him mid-thigh and I caught myself wondering if he’d raided my drawer for underwear as well or if he was naked under the soft cotton shirt.

I hummed noncommittally at his response, mind already on other things. Wil would be back by tonight – his moods might be intense but he never sulked for long. I kinda wished he was back already though, because while I’d managed to make coffee it wasn’t a patch on the ones Wil made me. I winced as I tried it, adding more sugar before gesturing to second one I’d made.

“Here, help yourself,” I told him, and he obediently moved to add sugar to his own drink.

“Aw, you made me coffee,” he said happily, tone just lightly teasing before he joined me at the breakfast bar. “Thanks.” I acknowledged it with a silent nod, and for a few minutes it was blissfully silent. Until I made the mistake of making eye contact that is and he started to tell me all about the book he’d found and got lost in, and whatever else he’d been doing while I slept all day, and how much fun he’d had last night…

“Damien?” I interjected when he’d paused for breath, and he was all attentive silence for me to continue. “Can I call you a ride?” His mood dampened, as I knew it would, but he didn’t object and I went in search of my phone to get him an Uber. I assumed Wil would be back sooner rather than later and if I didn’t want to provoke him I needed Damien gone by then. He’d vanished back into my room while I finished my coffee, reappearing a few minutes later dressed in his own clothes. Settling back on the couch he took up the book again but seemed less absorbed in it this time, and when my phone chimed I walked him out.

“I had fun last night,” he said, and there was hardly any of the shy blush left from yesterday.

“We’ll have to do it again sometime,” I told him, and I couldn’t help smiling back as his face lit up. “Come over for dinner tomorrow. We’ll celebrate your birthday in style.” He grinned at that, just as the elevator doors slid open and in a moment of boldness he’d leaned forward to kiss me quickly.

“See you tomorrow,” he said quickly, and I watched as he ducked into the elevator, giving me one last captivating smile before the doors closed again. He definitely wasn’t the fount of purity Wil was idolizing but there was no denying he was inexperienced. _That’s half the fun though_ , I thought gleefully. No wonder Wil was so obsessed with him. He was young and untouched, a malleable soul I could bend and shape to my will, and I was starting to understand the appeal of the artlessly charismatic Damien Hamil.  

***

**1 week ago on the Sunshine Coast, the day after Seb left Wil all alone in Surfers Paradise**

“Seb, what are you even _doing_? You’ve left Em all alone out here and she misses you!” Sienna’s shrill voice called from the balcony, originating from the hot tub I’d abandoned and I could hear the murmur of another voice, Sienna’s boyfriend Ben, and girlish giggling that was probably the aforementioned Em. I ignored it to frown, phone pressed to my ear and listening to it ring out yet again. I hadn’t got through to Wil nearly all week now, and before I’d assumed he was just sleeping or something, but this was getting ridiculous. All I’d heard from him since I left was a sunset pic from the beach with a passive-aggressive caption, _so predictably dependable, Wil_ , but he hadn’t called me back or messaged once since then. What the hell was he _doing_ down there?

“ _C’mon_ , Sebby, your champers is getting warm!” I rolled my eyes as I clicked off my phone, sliding it back into the pocket of my discarded shorts so it was safely out of sight – my phone was always locked but no need to tempt fate – before I headed back outside. “It’s about time!” Sienna complained loudly when I reappeared, turning back around to slide down into the warm bubbles as her friend caught my eye and giggled.

“Calm down, woman,” I told her blithely, climbing back in as the other occupants made room. “Some of us have a life, y’know.”

“This is your life, idiot,” she said fondly, and I shrugged to concede the point before she squealed, water splashing as she slapped her boyfriend on the shoulder. “Fuck _off,_ Ben _–_ I swear to god if you pinch me one more goddamn time…” Despite her complaints she’d put herself in his lap, making a grab for his hands so she could presumably put them where she preferred them and I tuned them out to sink down in the water, arms out along the sides as I felt Sienna’s friend – Emma? Emily? Something like that anyway – shift closer.

“Mind if I join you?” she asked, a tug on my wrist encouraging an arm around her shoulders.

“Be my guest,” I said mildly, eyes still closed as I felt her press up next to me. If Wil wanted to keep sulking and ignore me, fine. I had better things to do than keep checking on him.

“So I happened to notice the bedroom has a waterbed,” Emma or Emily murmured in my ear, and I grinned at the hand sliding over my thigh as her voice lowered to a husky whisper. “ _I’ve never fucked on a waterbed_.”  

“Oh my god, Seb, will you make up your mind?” Sienna was calling after us but it was drowned out by the giggles as I helped her friend out of the water. “You gonna finish this champagne or what?”

“It’s all yours, Sie,” I said careless over my shoulder. “I’m in the mood for something else right now.”   

***

**11 th Jan, 4pm in Surfers Paradise. 5 days 18 hours and 7 minutes until that ticking time bomb explodes**

“We’re nearly out of ‘fidditch again,” I said, screwing the cap back on a bottle that had another three drinks in it, tops. There was no response from the darkened living room, and I turned to see Wil, hunched over the glowing screen of his camera, apparently still ignoring me like he had been all afternoon. “You can’t keep sulking all day, Wil,” I told him with a long-suffering sigh and he shot me a glare in response, eyes quickly dropping back to his camera as he kept scrolling through his photos.

“All I asked,” he said petulantly, slouching down further on the couch and frowning, “was that you didn’t sully his innocence. He’s still technically a child.” I waved away his reprimand impatiently.

“ _Pfft_ , he’ll be an adult in the eyes of the law by tomorrow,” I said dismissively, flopping down on the opposite couch. “And besides,” I added, shooting him a teasing look. “If you really wanna go down this road, aren’t you in possession of some _illegal material_?” I caught the guilt on Wil’s face before he hid behind his camera again.

“You can check if you like – there’s nothing on here I’m ashamed of. He was always covered,” he insisted hotly. “And I would never, _ever_ ,” he glared at me again, “do what you did.”

“And what _did_ I do, Wilem?” I asked lazily, sprawling on the couch and kicking the cushion to the floor as I got comfortable again. “Is it illegal to share a bed now? How times have changed.” I could see him thinking about it, camera lowering and brow furrowed as he frowned down at his lap.

“So you didn’t…?” he started to ask, falling back into silence as he no doubt considered exactly how much of last night’s events he wanted confirmed. “I don’t ask you for much, Seb,” he said finally. “But I’m asking you this; please don’t fuck him.” I snorted a laugh.

“What, before you do, you mean?” That had come out sounding a lot more derisive than I’d intended, but Wil wasn’t being put off.

“I mean it – don’t spoil Damien.” He looked so forlorn as he added, “He’s the only good thing in my life.”

“You met him _last week_ ,” I interjected, torn between disbelief and amusement.

“Sebastian,” he growled warningly, and oh no, he’d broken out the dreaded first name.

“Fine, fine,” I said, hands up in a show of surrender, and the whisky sloshed in the glass. “But you’re never gonna be happy like this Wil,” I paused to take a sip, savouring the flavour. “You gotta stop pinning the conditions for your happiness on other people.”

“I trust you, Seb,” he said, an earnest look on his face as he ignored all of my good advice. The scariest part was I knew he did, but his faith in me was horribly misplaced and the sooner he realised it the better off he’d be.  

“Someone needs to,” was what I said out loud, the smile on my face fading at the corners. “Sometimes I wish I could trust myself.” The intercom rang and I ignored it, only looking up when Wil sighed in annoyance as he went over to answer the call.

“Hey Anna, it’s open.” That got my attention in the worst possible way and I shot him an irritated look. “What?” he said defensively, going back to flop on the sofa, camera once again in his hands.

“Could’ve pretended we were out,” I said, annoyed because just the thought of seeing Anna was enough to ruin my buzz.

“You still can – I haven’t told her you’re back.” I considered hiding for the briefest moment, but there was no way Anna was sending me scuttling for cover in my own home. Besides, I remembered running into Olivia last night. Surely she’d reported that immediately to her best friend. I eyed my drink for a moment, then shrugged and downed the lot. If I had to deal with Annalise Mendes I was gonna do it drunk.

“Wilem, I need you,” Anna said dramatically, bursting in the door in a flurry of colour and energy. She paused, I could see her searching the dim living room with narrowed eyes until she found Wil. “Did you forget to pay your power?” she asked, not bothering to wait for a response. “Whatever, tell me you’re stocked.” By some miracle she’d missed me so far and I watched silently, hoping to keep it that way.

“Hello to you too, Miss Anna,” Wil drawled, and she skipped over to flop onto the couch with him.

“Hello, how are you, darling? My, you’re looking well,” she said, playing along with a huge grin on her face as she cuddled up to him. “Now put this down,” she said patiently, taking the camera carefully from a protesting Wil and setting it aside so she could wrap both hands around his bicep to give him a shake. “And gear me up! I’ve got places to go, people to fuck.”

“Charming as usual,” I said snidely, unable to resist the urge to bait her. I regretted it immediately as her attention focused on me, and I got up to get a refill, swiping my empty glass up from the cluttered coffee table.

“Seb! When did you get back?” I heard the surprise in her voice, and when I checked I could see she’d got up to follow me over to the kitchen, leaning on the breakfast bar. So Liv hadn’t blabbed last night. Interesting.

“None of your business,” I said, recapping the bottle and sliding it back into place before lifting the glass to my lips. “What’re you chasing?” The grin that spread over her features was almost feral.

“Any stims, really. Molly? Coke if you’ve got it,” she said, preening. “Gonna be a long night – got a new conquest lined up.” _Still living that hoe-life then,_ I thought uncharitably, nose wrinkling as I watched her _. I can’t believe you have the nerve to call me a slut. _

“Do we have coke?” I directed the question to Wil, who was already digging through the cluttered compartment in the sofa as I wandered back over.

“Got a bit,” he said, extracting two tiny bags of powder, a smile tugging at his lips when my face lit up.

“Wil, you’re a champion,” Anna said, already by his side and making a grab for them but Wil had whisked them out of the way.

“Yeah…” he said slowly. “Not for you – you still owe me from last time.” He chucked me one and I caught it one-handed easily, clearing a space on the coffee table while Anna looked between us and pouted.

“C’mon babe.” She made another snatch for it as he held it out of the way. “You know I’m good for it, I just don’t have any cash on me.”

“You never have cash,” he said, eyes sparkling with amusement as she gave up trying to grab it and settled for just pouting, hands sliding over his shoulders as she leaned close.

“Come see me tomorrow, I’ll get it for you,” she insisted, and Wil turned his face away. Anna’s dark purple nails were a sharp contrast to Wil’s pale skin as she dragged her fingertips lightly down his throat, catching on the collar of his shirt. “Cross my heart, hope to die,” she said, crossing over _his_ heart as she made the hollow promise. I laughed coldly, earning a glare thrown my way. But Wil was relenting, like he always did, and she squealed with excitement as he handed it over. “Thanks babe!” She kissed him on the cheek quickly and he rubbed at it with the back on his hand as he gently pushed her off him. I dropped my gaze back to the coffee table quickly. I’d been about to tip it out but I paused when I saw Anna take half a step in my direction.

“See you tomorrow, then,” I said dismissively, and she took the hint.

“Pleasure doing business with you,” she said, tone huffy and annoyed. I heard the door close as I resealed the packet, squeezing the soft powder through the plastic as my mind wandered. Wil had followed her to lock the door, and when he settled down on the couch opposite I flicked the packet onto the coffee table.

“You change your mind?” he asked, a note of surprise in his voice as I got up to go over and slump on the couch next to him, not leaving any space as I slouched into his side.

“Just don’t feel like it right now,” I said with a shrug, and he shifted to get comfortable.

“The world’s ending,” he drawled, one hand tucked behind his head as he turned a look on me. “Either that or Anna killed your buzz. You two really hate each other, huh?”

“Maybe I wanna do something else instead?” I shot back defensively, choosing to ignore just how close to the mark he'd hit with that off-hand comment, and he laughed until I turned into him, sliding a hand up his chest. “I missed you.” Under my palm I could feel the rise and fall with his every breath until he reached up to push me off him, and my hand landed on his thigh instead.  

“Liar.” His lips pulled down in a frown. “I know you had fun without me.”

“No one beats you, Wil,” I insisted with a grin, starting a slow side up his leg until he caught my hand, but when I tugged it free he just sighed and gave up, eyes closing and head falling back as my palm grazed over him. A thought occurred to me that made my smile drop. “And it wasn’t like you weren’t busy yourself.” He made a noise of disagreement.

“Damien’s different,” he said softly, almost to himself.

“Because you won’t fuck him.” I couldn’t help the eye roll that accompanied that statement.

“Because he’s special,” he said, his correction gentle but I could hear the sincerity behind the words.

“No one’s _special_.” I frowned, annoyed by his romanticism. _They’re all the same, aren’t they?_ “Just fuck ‘em and move on before they disappoint you.”

“Seb.” The amount of disappointment Wil managed to convey with that syllable alone I felt only served to prove my point, and he shook his head at me, having finally opened his eyes. He sighed then, and he sounded resigned as he added, “You break my heart, you know that?” I grinned – I’d been accused of that before. When my eyes fell on my abandoned drink I sat up to tip the last of it down my throat. I suspected he was right. He usually was.

“It’s the only thing I’m good at – we can’t all be artists.” I slid my empty glass onto the coffee table, fluidly moving to straddle him. “Besides, doesn’t all great art come from pain?” A hand had curled around my shoulder, encouraging the closeness. “ _I’m just feeding your muse_ ,” I murmured, a grin tugging at my lips as I watched him slowly give in.

“You’re a bastard,” he said, voice soft and unconvincing, and the hand on me had been joined by another already. We were so close, breathing the same air and I wanted to get this to the next level, but this was a game and kissing him would end it too soon. Instead I moved my hips, enjoying the almost-but-not-quite-silent gasp that drew from him. He had other weak points I could attack – I knew all of them – and I let my fingers curl in his hair, teasing at the nape as I shifted my weight again. “Seb,” he said, the warning tone letting me know just how close he was to completely giving in.

“ _Wil_.” It was softly spoken, full of the affection I had for my oldest friend. Wil had told me on more than one occasion that he didn’t believe I cared about anyone, but he was wrong. Falling in love like the movies? Fake. Unrealistic. But I wasn’t so blind I couldn’t see how important Wil was to me. He’d been the only constant thing in my life for so long, I honestly didn’t know what I’d do without him.  

“ _God, you’re such a dirty cheater_ ,” he said, almost wistfully, but he gave in anyway, tilting his face up to kiss me. Wil was a die-hard romantic, and nothing got his pants off faster than going all sappy on him. The game had only just started though, so while I returned his kiss I didn’t look for more, letting him set the pace as we moved slowly together. I could feel a palm smooth over my leg, gripping below my hip before continuing the slow slide up and under my shirt. I answered with another rock of my hips, another point to me as Wil’s kiss turned greedy. He was pulling me down on his lap now, our hips rocking against each other sending heat spreading through me. God, I loved drunk sex. I had no idea why but a couple of drinks in me always made me horny, especially when Wil was around. Hell, Wil turned me on stone-cold sober, not that he ever let me fool around with him sober anymore. But Wil knew _exactly_ how I liked to be touched, and I got off on how he responded so easily to me – it was a win-win.

“Been too long.” I drew back to let the words fall between us but he chased me, catching my lips in another hungry kiss before I pushed back, hands sliding up to catch his face and hold him. “Didja miss me?” I asked, watching his fluttering eyelids over closed eyes, hearing the desperate catch in his breath.

“I always miss you.” He confessed to it as if it were a sin.

“But you had Damien.” I was surprised at the hard edge those words took. Wil and I weren’t bound to each other, and god knows I hadn’t been celibate on the SC, but I felt that familiar flicker of annoyance that Wil’s attention had been on someone other than me this week.

“Didn’t have him,” he said with a shake of his head that brushed his nose against mine. “Didn’t have anyone while you were gone.” It was the truth, without agenda, and in Wil’s breathless voice it filled me with want.

“Well I’m back, aren’t I?” I said, thumb stroking over his cheekbone as his eyes fluttered open, pupils blown wide as he watched. “You can have me now.” He moaned, a sound of appreciation that went straight through me as his hands settled on my hips, pulling as I pushed against him.

“Wanna fuck you right here,” he said, already pushing me down and I grabbed fistfuls of his shirt to bring him with me.

“Not in your bed?” I asked, watching for the grimace I knew was coming as he pinned me to the couch. “Not in the sheets Damien’s been wrapped up in?”

“No,” he growled, nosing my head to the side to kiss down my throat. My laugh turned to a gasp as his hand slid between us, rocking over my rapidly swelling dick as he sucked over the pulse hammering in my neck.

“Your bed too good for me now?” I knew I was pushing him – it was part of the game. To see how far I could go. “You could pretend I’m Damien,” I said, slowly withdrawing until I was lying passive beneath him. “Wil?” I called, letting it show in the way my breath caught in my throat how he was affecting me. “Wanna play Virgin?” He growled, fingers tightening over the cock straining in my pants. It was his move, but judging by the way Wil had just yanked me to my feet, hands fisted in my shirt to bring me crashing back to his lips I’d won this round.

“Get in my room,” he said darkly, pulling me closer and I heard the tiniest sound of my shirt beginning to tear, “and wait for me.” He let go to catch my hands in his, pulling them away from where I’d been reaching around his waist. “Now.” I shivered in delight – I loved it when dominant Wilem came out to play, but half the fun was trying to break him and we were only just getting started. I leaned closer, licking my lips as I stopped just short of kissing him. 

“Bring me something to lick off you,” I said, punctuating it a curl of my tongue that had his lips parting for me like magic. He walked us backwards a few steps, connected only by our mouths and where he still held my wrists.

“ _Go_.” He breathed the simple command and I decided I’d better start obeying before he lost interest in bossing me around. That didn’t mean I had to make it easy on him though. I’d barely taken two steps before I’d pulled my shirt over my head, and I left the rest of my clothes in a trail leading to his room. I was naked by the time I crawled under the sheets, enjoying the coolness on my skin as I waited for him. I’d left the door open and I wondered what Wil was doing in the kitchen. It was clichéd, I know, but I’d been hoping he’d just grab the cream I knew was in the fridge. Judging by the sounds though, I was getting something a little more complicated than a spoon dumped in a plastic tub.

“Wil,” I called plaintively, one hand brushing lightly down my chest. I luxuriated in the feel of fingertips ghosting over my stomach and lower as I reached to touch myself. “I’m _waiting_.”

“I’m coming,” he said, a touch of amusement in his voice as he appeared, still fully dressed and holding a tumbler in one hand that looked like he’d emptied the last of the bottle into it and a small bowl in the other.

“Not yet you’re not, but give me a minute,” I shot back with a sly smile, sitting up to take the bowl and setting it aside as I reached for him. “Let me help you with that.” I began to unbutton his shirt and he let me as he took a sip of the whisky.

“You’re the strangest virgin I’ve ever seen,” he commented, and I let my fingers still about halfway down, throwing him my coyest look as I tugged at his shirt.

“You’re just too irresistible,” I countered, and he took another sip instead of answering, licking his lips when it spilled. “Are you sharing?” He shot me a calculated look, taking a deeper drink this time and I watched the bob of his Adam’s apple as he swallowed it. The drink was set aside – too far for me to reach without a stretch – and he climbed up on the bed with me.

“Come get it if you wanna taste,” he teased, but I was way ahead of him, mouth on his to suck the whisky from his tongue. It was easy after that to wrestle him to the bed, and I moved to kiss down his neck, hands sliding down to find the remaining buttons and make quick work of them, sweeping my hands back up his chest to reveal as much skin to me as possible. My fingertips brushed over his collarbone where I knew his tattoo was – the too-real-looking spider that made my stomach drop every time I saw it. I kept my eyes lower instead as I sat back to admire my canvas, reaching for the bowl and trailing the spoon through the cream as I debated where to put it first. It wasn’t whipped, so I was careful not to spill it on the sheets as I dribbled a trail of the thin cream down his chest. It looked indecent, especially with the way Wil’s breath caught at the cold touch of the spoon being dragged over his nipple.

“Stay still,” I warned, leaning down to lick at the mess I’d made. I lapped at it carefully at first, but as the flavour hit me I sighed, licking the rest up in a few eager laps. “Mmh, you put whisky in this,” I said, moaning appreciatively as I dribbled more of the cream, lower this time.

“A stroke of genius I thought,” he murmured, and I grinned as his hand skimmed up my back to settle on my neck, encouraging each bob of my head as I lapped up the cream.

“Not just a pretty face.” He smiled at the compliment, eyes closed and I ducked my head to suck the last of the cream from his skin. “Clever Wil.” I could see the effect my whispered praise had on him, and I leaned down to kiss the soft smile off his lips. It turned dirty quick, and the clink of the spoon as I quickly righted the ceramic bowl made us both laugh as I pulled away.

“You making a mess?” he gently chided, and I took the opportunity to set the cream aside.

“ _No_.” It came out a lot more defensive than I’d intended, and Wil’s smile stretched into a grin at the lie. “And even if I did it would’ve been your fault.” A hand on my jaw urged me lower again until he could kiss me.

“ _Liar_.” Wil’s voice was low and husky, and I felt it go straight to my dick. “You’re such a messy boy.”

“ _God_ you’re fucken sexy as hell.” My own voice caught on the words, earning another laugh from Wil as his hands explored me, paying attention to the places he knew would get to me. “But stop distracting me.” With one arm braced on the bed I got my other hand on him, sliding down until I could feel the hard length of him under my fingers. “Because I would very much like to suck your dick right now.” Hands had moved to help me, pushing his pants to mid-thigh where I took over, pulling them off until they were falling to the floor and I returned to my prize. Wil’s cock was hard for me, flushed and hot when I reached out to touch him. I took my time, licking and nuzzling, getting him wet with slick drags of my tongue before I finally took him in my mouth. I felt his fingers carding through my hair and I knew he was pushing my fringe back to watch – he loved to watch – and I sucked lightly, tilting my head to look up at him. Even before I looked I knew he’d be biting his lip and I wasn’t disappointed. Wil might be predictable, but I knew exactly what he liked and seeing how affected he was always turned me on.

“Seb.” My name moaned in his voice was music to my ears. I rubbed him against the roof of my mouth, tongue working and hand sliding as I bobbed on his cock. “Seb, you’re amazing.” It was impossible not to smile. “How committed to being fucked are you?” The way he asked might’ve sounded casual to anyone else, but I knew Wil better than that. Something else was happening here. I’d been massaging his balls, but now my hand slid lower and he obediently parted his legs, a silent plea that I knew all too well and I supressed the urge to moan my pleasure because I couldn’t believe my luck. _Wil was gonna let me fuck him!_ But I knew if I let on just how badly I wanted too he’d probably change his mind. Instead, I directed my attention to where I was lightly caressing between his legs. No pressure yet, no agenda. Just soft caresses as he relaxed further, legs opening almost instinctively for me.

I kept my hand on his cock, thumb sliding through the wetness to rub at the slit while I got a handful of him, sucking lightly over his balls and licking until I’d made my way to where I wanted to be. Despite how slowly I’d moved I still felt the flinch when I licked over his hole, and it was easy to return my attention to his balls, feeling him relax again and waiting for the ok. When his legs fell open again I licked lower, slower this time, and as he let me lick and probe without recoiling this time I was hit with a sudden idea. _Did Wil want to do this with Damien?_

“Wil?” I murmured, lips on his skin and he gasped, choking back the sounds I knew he wanted to make and I _might’ve_ done that on purpose with a slick drag of my fist on his cock. “We’re still playing the game, aren’t we?” The guilty silence was all the confirmation I needed. I slid back, rising to my knees to see Wil’s face, eyes shut tight and hands fisted in his sheets. He didn’t move as I slid off the bed, padding over to the dresser to find the lube. “You’re just gonna hafta pretend for this bit,” I said, returning to my place between his bent knees. I rubbed the pad of one finger against him, slipping in to give him a gentle tug as I turned and pressed a kiss to his bent knee. “Coz you know there’s no virgin on the planet who’ll prep you like this.”

“Seb, that’s not—” he started to say, but I cut him off.

“Shh, call me Damien.” I wondered if he would. The thought that he might was kinda hot.

“I’m _not_ doing that,” he insisted as I rested my cheek on his knee and watched him. He’d let go of the sheet to cover his face but I could see the flush creeping over his skin. _I fucking called it._ Wil _definitely_ wanted Damien to fuck him.

“I’ve never done this before.” The lie rolled easily off my tongue, a note of awe creeping into my voice as I let myself get swept up in pretending.

“Sebastian, you don’t have to do this.” I felt my lips stretch in a grin because he was so transparent. Not even resorting to my hated name could hurt me now, because Wil was giving in, and I was having too much fun to let this go.

“Wil, you’re gonna be my first.” It was impossible to keep a straight face but at least it helped the act – lending a wavering quality to my voice. Wil wasn’t watching me anyway – his hands were still pressed over his eyes.

“I _was_ your first, you deviant,” he said, and the growled accusation was enough to make me break character and laugh.

“Play the game, Wil,” I chastised lightly, and he dropped his hands but his eyes stayed closed. “Do you think you’re ready?” I paused to bite my lip, trying to get back into the role I was inventing. I had a bit of an idea what Damien was like in bed after last night, but it didn’t matter if this wasn’t an authentic performance – I doubted very much Wil would ever get the chance to compare. “I don’t wanna hurt you,” I added softly, and Wil finally looked at me.

“ _Fuuck_.” He reached for me and I settled over him, swallowing the broken moan he made when he felt me bump between his legs. “You’re such a fucking _arsehole_.” I laughed, reaching down to hold my cock steady.

“Is this how you want it?” I pushed against him, the hot, tight feeling taking my breath as my hips moved, short thrusts inching my cock in. “How you want Damien to fuck you?”

“Seb, really. Don’t,” he said, reaching for me until he could silence me with his mouth. I let him kiss me, moaning into his mouth as his hips moved under me. I wanted to keep teasing him though so I pulled back, thrilled when he chased me before falling back to the mattress.

“Did you jerk off while I was gone?” His eyes slammed shut, face burning and turned away as I laughed. “Wiiil,” I said, dragging out the syllable and only slightly undermined by the way my voice shook. “Everybody does it, y’know.” A thought occurred to me and I slowed my hips to a drag, relishing the way Wil was arched under me to meet each thrust. “You can bet sev _enteen year old Damien_ does it.” I let the sentence hang, watching the way Wil was hardly breathing. “Did you think about him when you touched yourself?” I whispered, and a red flush crept across Wil’s cheeks.

“Seriously Seb, _shut the fuck up_.” Wil’s hands moved to my back, pulling me down as he stretched up to kiss me but I ducked my head to the side to avoid it, lips landing close to his ear as I continued.

“D’ya think he’d suck your cock?”

“Seb, _please_.” It was a desperate plea, breathless as I wrapped a hand around his cock and gave it a slick drag with my fist.

“It’s Damien, remember?” I whispered, my thumb flicking over the slit and pulling another gasp from him. “You have to say it at least once, or you can’t come.”

“I swear I don’t—“

“Shh, no lies, Wil. Say it.”

“But I don’t—“

“Say it.” His eyes were shut again, brow furrowed as his inner torment raged. “I promise I’ll fuck you how you want if you just say it,” I said sweetly, and I saw the exact moment he gave in, lips parted, tongue darting out to moisten them as he whispered,

“ _Damien_.” His eyes were still closed and I grinned my triumph, leaning down brush a quick kiss against his still-parted lips. 

“Again, little louder this time, you can do it,” I murmured encouragingly, and I was probably pushing my luck, but…

“Damien,” he repeated, firmer this time and the hands on my hips smoothed up my back before sliding back down again, encouraging the rock of my hips as he bucked under me. In my mind I was flashing back to last night, picturing the flush high in Damien’s cheeks and the way he’d looked spread out on my bed, naked and eager and all for me. Just like Wil was now. 

“Mmh, good boy.” Wil planted his feet on the mattress, knees caging me in and I knew he was getting close. I reached for his hand, pulling it between us and as soon as his fingers brushed his cock he wrapped around it. “Gonna jerk off for me?”

“Finish in my arse, then I’m gonna come down your throat,” he growled. God I fucking _loved_ drunk Wil, and I‘d known I was getting there but with a shiver it was hitting me fast. I slammed my hips into him, pumping my release into his clenching hole. His fist on his dick slowed as I stuttered to a stop, the slick sounds and our breaths the only sounds in the room for a moment.

“ _Fuuck_ ,” I whispered brokenly, giving one last thrust of my cock before pulling back. All I wanted to do was collapse but I owed Wil an orgasm, a fucking incredible one too given the one he’d just pulled from me, so I settled between his knees determined to bring my A-game. “Gonna make you come,” I whispered seriously, pulling his hand away and leaning down to lick his dick. Above me Wil laughed.

“Are you talking to me or my cock?” he asked, shuffling to get comfortable.

“Excuse you, this is a _private_ conversation,” I said, craning my neck to look up at him. He’d pulled a pillow under his head and I smiled to myself, eyes back on where there was a dribble of come leaking. I dragged two fingers through the mess and I heard him gasp, my smile widening as I slid them in. He was hot and slick with my come and I honestly thought I could get hard again just playing with his arse, but I had a job to do. Wil’s cock was in my mouth and I wasn’t sure if I’d hear when I got the right angle, because he was already keeping up a soundtrack of bitten off moans and soft gasps, but I was happy to be wrong for the second time today.

“Fuck – _yes_ , there!” I felt a jolt in my groin like lightning but I kept going. I could feel how close he was, his balls drawing in above my hand as I finger fucked and sucked him. “Keep going, just – _yes_ – fuck Seb yes don’t stop, _don’t stop_ —“ I felt it a second after he cut himself off and my throat worked to swallow everything as he fucked up into my mouth. “Fuck Seb that’s – oh _god_.” I felt him shudder, his hips bucking and trembling as he rode it out. His arse had clenched around my fingers and I held them still as I pulled off his dick, watching it flop heavily to his belly. I slowly slid my fingers free, watching the spill of come and wiping my fingers off on the bed. Thank god we were in Wil’s room and he was the one with stained sheets, not me.

“I don’t know why you don’t let me fuck you more often,” I commented lightly, pausing on my way up to lick the drizzle of come leaking on his stomach and smiling at the way he twitched under my tongue. “I know you love it.”

“It doesn’t matter what I love,” was his melancholy reply, and I rolled my eyes as I collapsed next to him.

“You’re not gonna be all mopey now, are you?” I asked, one foot sliding down his leg as I wriggled around to get comfortable. “I just sucked your soul outta your dick, the least you could do is look happy.”

“I’m not drunk enough to be happy,” he countered, sitting up to reach for the forgotten tumbler and I sat up too, hoping to steal it.

“A man after my own heart,” I agreed heartily, one arm snaking around his waist as I leaned heavily on him. “Never leave me, Wil,” I added, as he took the first sip then passed it to me. “You’re the only one that gets me.”

“I think that says more about you than it does about me,” he said with a sigh, and he was sliding off the bed, looking down and seemingly just realising he was still wearing his shirt. I tilted the glass up, drinking while watching him straighten the collar, the tattoo once again hidden. “I’m gonna do some editing,” he said, levelling a stare at me as I sipped at the whisky.

“What?” I asked when he didn’t elaborate. “You mean you don’t wanna cuddle and talk about our feelings?” He bent to swipe his pants off the floor, shaking them out but he didn’t move to put them back on yet.

“You don’t have _feelings_ ,” he said, and the way he said it made it sound like a dirty word.

“First time for everything, right?” I fell back to the mattress, careful not to spill the drink as Wil shook his head at me, already halfway out the door.

“Get out of my room, Seb,” he called over his shoulder and I grinned, biting my lip to supress a laugh. This was all I wanted – who needs romance and happily ever afters when you have good friends and even better sex?


	4. Life’s A Stage And We’re All Actors So Just Say Your Lines Or Shut Up

Chapter 4: Life’s A Stage And We’re All Actors So Just Say Your Lines Or Shut Up

 

 _'Cause you're the last of a dying breed_  
_Write our names in the wet concrete_  
 _I wonder if your therapist knows  
Everything about me_  
 _I'm here in search of your glory_  
 _There's been a million before me_  
 _That ultra-kind of love_  
 _You never walk away from_  
 _You're just the last of the real on_ es

 – The Last Of The Real Ones

**Current Mood: The Last Of The Real Ones**

By the time I dragged myself out of my post-orgasm haze Wil had set up in the living room, shirt still unbuttoned but otherwise dressed and slouched on the couch with his macbook open on his lap.

“Ugh, I can’t believe you’re really working,” I complained, taking in the image he was adjusting and deciding I’d better return to my own couch. Wil liked his space sometimes, and if I bumped him while he was working I’d be putting up with his sulking all afternoon.

“I like it,” he said simply, eyes fixed on the screen. I just slouched down further, eyes roaming over the jumble of shit on the coffee table. It hadn’t taken long for the mess to build up again, and I extracted the coke from earlier from where it had wedged between a coffee cup, a depressingly empty glass and a dog-eared magazine before sweeping the space clear. I looked down at the lack of clothes I’d put on – I didn’t exactly have space for a wallet in the boxerbriefs I’d dressed in.

“Wil, gimme your wallet,” I said, holding out a hand and I heard a sigh before the click of the couch compartment opening.

“Here,” he said, leaning over to slap a sandwich bag onto my outstretched palm. I grinned and tipped out the contents – a rewards card that had never seen better use than it’s current occupation and a cut-off straw.

“Boy scout,” I said teasingly, and Wil shrugged at the accusation from behind the screen. I tapped out two decent lines, hand steady enough that I didn’t even need to neaten them up before kneeling on the rug to do the first one. “Always fucking stings,” I muttered, pinching the bridge of my nose as my eyes watered, trying to blink it away. “You gonna get in on this?” I asked, looking up just as Wil looked over. “I saved you some.”

“You’re a real gentleman,” he drawled, but he came over anyway, setting his laptop aside and taking the offered straw, twirling it around his fingers dextrously as he took the spot I’d vacated for him. I slumped back on the couch to watch as he bowed over the table, one finger pressed to his nose to bump the line. _“I’m not gonna get anything done today, am I?_ ” he muttered to himself, pinching his nose and rubbing at the non-existent powder with his thumb in a move that I knew was more habit than necessity as he leaned back.

“Cheer up, ya grump,” I said, nudging him with my knee as he slowly stood up enough to sink onto the couch with me. “Wanna get lit and fool around?”

“ _No_ , I wanna finish this,” he said, leaning over my lap to drag his computer closer. I picked it up before he could get a hand on it and held it out of reach, eyeing the image he’d been working on. Of course, it was one of Damien. I grinned at the grey sheets caught around his waist, thinking about how messy those same sheets currently were. He’d need to do some laundry before his next photo shoot.  

“It’s fine, they’re all flawless anyway.” Wil shot me a patronising look as he stole it back, adjusting the screen angle once it was back on his lap. “You’re no fun,” I grumbled, but Wil just heaved a sigh.

“Don’t you get sick of it?” he asked, fingers tapping on the trackpad thoughtfully. 

“Sick of what?” I’d brought the tumbler back out from the bedroom and it was still unfinished on the coffee table – a genuine waste I thought as I stole it to rectify the issue.

“Meaningless sex.” It took me a moment to put it all together.

“Wil,” I said, eyeing him over the lip of the glass in disbelief. “That’s the best kind!”

“Well, I don’t think so.” His gaze slid back to the screen, his look softening again.

“You say that like there’s another option,” I said airily, tipping more of the whisky down my throat.

“I’m gonna ask Damien out. Tomorrow.”

I nearly choked. Wil wanted to _date_ him? This was worse than I’d thought.

“ _Why_?” I asked, staring at him in stunned horror until a thought had a smirk tugging at my lips. “Oh Wil, how sweet,” I cooed. “You’re waiting until he’s _legal.”_ Wil immediately bent to swipe a sock off the floor, and when he chucked it at me I laughed, deflecting it easily. “Listen, as your friend, I highly advise against doing that.”

“I really like him, Seb.”

“Wil. My man,” I said with authority. “You’re only gonna wind up disappointed.” I shook my head at him sadly – he was so naïve sometimes. “Trust me – don’t waste your time on Damien.”

“What do you know?” Wil was immediately defensive of his precious idol. “I might not have known him long but I’ve known him a helluva lot longer than you.” He huffed an annoyed sigh through his nose, eyes closing as he got his irritation under control.

“Jeez, relax,” I said, surprised he’d arced up like that. “You do you, then.” Maybe I shouldn’t have convinced him nothing had happened last night. Not that I felt bad about that lie of omission, especially as it’d been instrumental in getting Wil to talk to me again, not to mention bottoming and throwing out some _quality_ dirty talk. Talk about hashtag-blessed. But even if Wil was happier living with his delusions of his precious Damien’s virtue, I was sure it wasn’t gonna work out for him in the long run. And I mean it’s not like I enjoy making Wil sad, but _jesus_ , the boy can’t live with his head in the clouds his whole life. “I’m hungry,” I announced, and Wil hummed noncommittally. “Pizza.” Silence. “Wiiiiil. Piiiiizzaaa _mmffh_ —“ Wil’s hand pressed over my mouth to silence me and without hesitation I licked it, knowing he’d immediately yank it away again.

“Gross, Seb,” he complained, and I had to roll away quickly as he tried to wipe it on me.

“C’mon, pizza time – you’ve been doing this for _days_ ,” I complained, and in answer he tossed his phone at me.

“Pepperoni with pineapple,” he said without even looking up and I rolled my eyes.

“ _Order your own freaky pizza_ ,” I grumbled, but our saved details covered all the basics so I just repeated the order. “Twenty minutes,” I informed him when the timer popped up, and I stretched, feeling the ache in my muscles. “I’m gonna shower before it gets here.”

“K.” If I was a lesser person I’d probably resent that the only response he gave me was mumbled without looking up from his screen. Good thing I was the bigger man.

***

“What about this one?” Wil asked, angling the macbook so I could see and I hummed appreciatively.

“Yeah, that’s a good one,” I mused, and when I leaned over to touch the screen, dragging my finger down the expanse of tanned skin Wil tugged it away from me impatiently.

“You’re getting pizza grease all over it,” he complained, and I shrugged and licked my fingers clean. We’d been pouring over Damien’s photos for the last half hour, trying to decide which ones from the last two shoots to send to him and I was getting bored now that I’d seen them all.

“Just send any – he’s completely perfect in all of them,” I commented unhelpfully, turning back to the tablet that still held fresh material. Most of the shots were posed under the lights of Wil’s makeshift studio, a sheet he’d tacked up on the far wall, but between those professional-looking shots there were others – candids he must’ve snapped in quiet moments – and I felt sure Damien had no idea these existed. I’d already sent several to my phone for later and as Wil murmured his agreement I sent this one too; Damien’s tanned skin was glowing in the sunset as he raised a drink to his lips, the light caught in the drops of condensation and sparkling like diamonds. It was clearly from our roof terrace – I recognised the deckchair and the potted palm over his shoulder. From the photo evidence it seemed like he’d been over every day since I’d left, so it was little wonder he was so comfortable hanging out here. As I marvelled again at how much time he’d been spending with Wil, I wondered how long it might’ve taken him to make a move if I hadn’t interfered.

“Done,” he said wistfully, and I looked up as he palmed his macbook closed.

“All sent?” I enquired. Took him long enough.

“Yep.” Wil sighed, a melancholy sound, and I hid my smile under a mask of curiosity as I asked him what his problem was now.  “I didn’t see him today,” he said, lips turned down in a frown and I bit back the urge to inform him that technically he’d seen him this morning. I seriously doubted reminding Wil that he’d discovered Damien sleeping in my bed would be of benefit to anyone.

“You’ll see him tomorrow,” I said instead, and he huffed a sigh through his nose – unimpressed. “He’s coming over for his birthday.” He seemed to perk up at that.

“Here?” he asked, and I confirmed with a smile.

“We’ll start here anyway.” There was no need to confine ourselves to the apartment. I’d retrieved my car from Eden earlier this afternoon and the world was our oyster. Or the southern east coast was, at any rate. Wil had turned an almost stern look on me again – I could practically see him thinking as he furrowed his brow – but he must have decided he’d lectured me enough because the expected censure didn’t come.

“I’m going to bed,” he announced at last, tucking the macbook under his arm and as he rose my attention drifted back to the tablet I still held. I hoped he wouldn’t ask for it back.

“G’night then.”

“Yeah. Night, Seb.” I waited until he’d shut his door, the light clicking off a moment later before my attention returned to the tablet lying dark and dormant in my lap. I woke it up again, once again focused on admiring my new target. I had no doubt Wil was in lust with him – anyone with eyes couldn’t help it – but I was also sure that it would never work between Wil and Damien. He wanted to believe in Damien’s innocence and so he was in love with an idea – an ideal – and as soon as he had Damien that illusion he worshipped would be shattered. I was under no such delusions. Damien wasn’t _quite_ as innocent as he pretended to be, I knew that for a fact. I’d seen too much of myself in young Damien and Wil would be heartbroken if he ever saw it. _Yes_ , I though with a satisfied smirk, swiping to yet another candid pic of Damien on our balcony. Wil was much better off just leaving Damien to me. 

 ***

**2 weeks ago in Surfers Paradise, that first day Damien came over**

“You’re a natural at this,” I commented, and Damien positively glowed with the compliment.

“Thanks.” He was blushing, but it just added to his charm. “I feel like a tit though.”

“Well you look handsome.” I adjusted the lens, bringing him into focus as he looked straight at the camera and smiled that shy, heartbreaking smile of his.

“I dunno what to do with my hands,” he said, shrugging his shoulders helplessly.

“Hang on.” I stepped over and reached up to mess up his hair, dragging it down over his eyes as he laughed and I walked back to the tripod. “Now fix it.” He reached up hesitantly, and I smiled as I lined up the shot, watching him through the viewfinder. “Don’t think about it – just get your hair out of your eyes.” He bit his lip, hesitating before his fingers were sliding under his hair to push it back. “ _Perfect_.” I hummed the word under my breath, the sound of the shutter louder than me as I snapped off a dozen shots. He was slowly warming up to the camera, following my directions like a champ and every new angle was showing the more relaxed set of his shoulders, the genuine excitement in his eyes. It wasn’t until my phone buzzed loudly that I realised how long we’d been going for.

“Do you need to get that?” he asked, and I murmured an apology as I checked it.

“Nah,” I said, frowning down at the incoming call from Seb. “It’s not important.” He smiled, and it was the most natural thing in the world to smile back. “We can take a break if you want. You wanna drink?” I nodded towards the kitchen, already heading to the fridge and I could hear his footsteps as he followed me. “We’ve got cider, or there’s whisky, or vodka if you’re more into mixing.” I was leaning on the fridge door, shooting him a look when he replied.

“I’ll have whatever you’re having.” I grabbed two ciders and handed him one, watching as he twisted the cap off under his palm.

“Come on, I’ll show you the view,” I said, gesturing to the sliding door that led to the roof terrace. Damien seemed impressed, judging by the whistle anyway.

“Wow, your place is really nice.” He laughed and took another sip. He’d already drunk more than me, and as his throat worked to swallow I couldn’t help admiring the view. I was already regretting leaving my camera inside. “You should see my place – it’s on the beach but it’s a dump compared to this.”

“I’m just staying here with a friend.” I paused as my thoughts turned to Seb. “It’s his family’s place.”

“Yeah? Sweet.” Damien was even more beautiful in the afternoon sun and I swallowed as I admired his profile. “Cool ink, can I see?” I froze, palm reaching instinctively to rub over the red-back spider poised in the hollow below my collarbone.

“Sure,” I said, more than a little hesitantly, because Damien was coming over now. Most of the time I tried not to think about it, a permanent reminder of just how whipped for Seb I really was because I’d never meant to get a tattoo. Just remembering the lecture I’d got when my ma first spotted it made me cringe, but Damien seemed impressed. One hand was reaching out to touch and I curled my fingers under my singlet to pull it to the side, baring the tattoo completely.

“That’s so cool – looks so real,” he murmured appreciatively, the tip of one finger tracing lightly over the inked lines. “I’d love to get one but I reckon I’m too scared,” he admitted, going to sit back on the deck chair. I let my shirt go, letting the fabric fall back so that it was just covering it again. “Did it hurt?” he asked curiously, I shook my head.

“Not really.” Definitely not a comfortable way to spend an hour, but it hadn’t actually been all that painful. “Stings like a bitch but it’s not that bad.”

“Sweet. Maybe I will get one then.” It was easy to smile back.

“What would you get?” I took another sip to distract me from fiddling with my singlet, trying to cover it back up again as Damien thought about it.

“I’ve always though waves, or a surfboard maybe,” he said thoughtfully. “I kinda like your red-back though, that’s wicked.”

“Well they don’t come off, so choose carefully,” I warned, and he laughed like he’d heard it a million times before.

“Yeah, I guess they don’t. So what’s your deal, anyway? You said you’re a student, right?”

“Sometimes.” I chuckled, thinking about how I should really be in Brisbane, getting ready to finally finish uni instead of hiding from the real world at Seb’s request. “I think I’m taking this semester off though. What about you?”

“Deferred this year – dunno what I wanna study.” A sudden fear flashed through my mind and I lowered my drink. I didn’t want to ask, not really, but…

“Damien?”

“Yeah?”

“…how old are you?”

“Seventeen.”

“Jesus _Christ,_ you’re a _baby_.”

“Dude, I’m not _that_ young,” he complained, and then suddenly the amused look fell like a mask. “Shit, are you worried about the drinking?” He turned as if to shield the cider from me, like that would somehow stop me if I wanted to take it off him. “Don’t sweat it, I’ve got drunk before, and mum doesn’t mind me drinking as long as I’m not driving.”

Not exactly the part I’d been worried about, but it was another concern to add to the list. _Shit. Seventeen. That’s, what, six years younger than me?_ I mean of course I’d realised he looked young, but I hadn’t for a second thought he was only just out of high school.

“Wil? Mate? You kinda look like you’re having an aneurysm.”

“Sorry, I didn’t realise you were underage.” I was frowning but he waved it off, relaxing again as I made no move to deprive him of his drink.

“Like I said, don’t sweat it. My birthday’s in like a week anyway.”

“Oh.” That soothed me way too much. A legal adult in a week, though. That was something. “Still, probably should’ve got your mum to sign a consent form before we started,” I said, and I was glad he laughed it off as a joke, because there was no way in hell I wanted to meet his mother. Damien might not have a problem hanging out with me but I was pretty sure Mrs Hamil would have something to say about it.

“I’d rather not tell her I was modelling all afternoon,” he said slyly, grinning at me over the bottle.

“That works for me.”

“Cheers, mate.” He reached over to offer his bottle I clinked mine against it, all tension leaving my shoulders as I leaned back in my chair. I wasn’t planning on doing anything with Damien anyway, and this was just added insurance. At least, that’s what I told myself, but the lazy grin on his face as he started telling me all about his summer job volunteering as a surf life saver was probably enough to make me change my mind.


	5. Sometimes All A Little Bit Of Paradise Leaves You With Is A Bitter Taste In Your Mouth

Chapter 5: Sometimes All A Little Bit Of Paradise Leaves You With Is A Bitter Taste In Your Mouth

 

 _Is this more than you bargained for yet?_  
_Oh, don't mind me, I'm watching you two from the closet_  
 _Wishing to be the friction in your jeans_  
 _Isn’t it messed up how I’m just dying to be him?_  
 _I’m just a notch in your bedpost_  
 _But you're just a line in a song_  


– Sugar, We’re Goin’ Down by Fall Out Boy

 

**9 years ago at the van Amstel house on the Sunshine Coast**

After The Kiss 2.0 ( _Now With Tongue™_ ) I’d been terrified that things with Seb would change – that I’d lose my best friend – but life had been surprisingly mundane lately, not to mention exactly the same because Seb was still dating Indra, or at least he had been until today. For the last week the hottest gossip at school had been how they’d been caught kissing behind the gym. Of course Seb one-upped that by suddenly dumping her before homeroom this morning. It was all anybody wanted to talk to me about all day.

“Literally everyone wants to know why you broke up with Indra,” I said as Seb breezed into my room. He laughed, flopping down on his back over the end of my bed.

“Because she’s a frigid bitch,” he said, sighing as he stretched.

“Sebastian.” My warning tone just made him laugh again, but if anyone else had called him that he’d have got up and left. As it was he just tilted his head back until he was looking at me upside-down, ignoring the disapproving look I was giving him over my book.

“Here, I’ll show you,” he said, and I froze as he rolled over, getting up on his knees to shuffle closer. A hand came down on the top of the book, pushing it down as he leaned in and pressed his lips quickly to mine. My eyes were wide and I was sure I’d stopped breathing. “And that was it,” he said. “She wouldn’t even open her mouth,” he complained, falling back on the bed and laughing again. “She just sat there like this.” He imitated it again, lips pursed and eyes closed for a moment before he sat up again. “Not like you.” I swallowed the lump in my throat. We hadn’t discussed it since it happened. It wasn’t like we were pretending it never happened, we just didn’t talk about it. My heart was going a mile a minute and I was trying hard not to let him know I was freaking out again.

“Maybe she just needs practice?” I suggested, eyes back on my book as I pretended to read and ignore him because I could see he was now watching me carefully.

“Maybe.” _Goddamnit_ , he knew something was up. “You didn’t need practice though. You must just be naturally good at it.” My heart had been racing a moment ago and now it felt like it’d stopped dead.

“What?” My voice came out sounding choked and hesitant, and my mouth was suddenly dry as I heard the sheets rustle. He was coming closer again _god-fucking-damnit, don’t_!

“Wil?” he called playfully, sitting back on his heels but reaching out to tug on the front of my shirt. “Wanna make out?”

“With you?” I said, heart pounding just inches from his hand but at least my wavering-voice was under control again.

“No, with coldfish Indra,” he shot back, and I rolled my eyes, dropping my book off the bed and folding my arms, and while he dropped his hand he was grinning at me.

“Yeah, sure. Why not?” I said, and it still sent a little thrill of excitement through me when I saw I’d surprised him.

“Really?” His voice was an octave higher as he cocked an eyebrow at me. “Sweet.” _Maybe this wasn’t a good idea,_ but it was too late. The kick drum in my chest was back as I sat up straighter, and my eyes locked on his as he reached out to touch my face, fingertips lightly touching my cheek before dropping lower to cup my jaw. “Don’t disappoint me, Amstel,” he whispered, leaning in and with a tilt of his head he’d brought our lips together. For the longest second I panicked, but then I felt his lips move and it seemed like the most natural thing in the world to move with him. My lips parted and the hand on my jaw slid to the back of my neck, and I _liked_ it there, warm and heavy. His lips were parted like mine, and I realised this was the perfect time to try out all those things I was always reading about. At the first brush of my tongue I felt the hand on my shoulder move to join the one on my neck, and Seb made a tiny noise which sounded a lot like encouragement. I’d been confused before – what exactly was all the fuss about kissing exactly? – but it seemed so obvious now as our mouths moved slowly together.

“Mmh, see?” he murmured, pulling back just long enough to rearrange himself. He’d slung a leg over me and as he settled on my lap my hands reached for him, fingers curling in his shirt. “You’re so good at this already.” I had a second to smile before he was crowding closer again and stealing another kiss. The hands on my neck had dropped over my shoulders as he got closer, and I felt my fingers uncurling, letting my hands press up against him until he rocked into me.

“Seb.” I broke away, unable to lean back and having to turn my head as I caught my breath. I squeezed my eyes shut as a shiver ran down my spine, the blood rushing to my growing erection not enough to prevent the blush in my cheeks. “Stop.”

“Why?” he asked, and to my horror he wriggled in my lap, the sensation of him rubbing against me causing me all kinds of problems.

“Because this is wrong,” I said firmly, wishing he’d stop smirking at me like that. “I like you, you don’t like me.”

“Of course I like you, Wil,” he said, but the way he was rolling his eyes at me undercut the sincerity. “See?” He grabbed one of my hands and pulled it down, pressing my palm on his cock. “You’ve got me hard already.”

“ _Holy shit!”_ I yanked my hand away like I’d been burned but he just laughed at me again.

“I bet I could get off just like this,” he said, rocking his hips again and I closed my eyes and tried to count to ten. “Bet you could too.” _This isn’t happening, this isn’t happening_. “Wil?” At my name I opened my eyes again and he was sitting still, smile gone as he watched me. “I wanna get you off.” I let out the breath I’d been holding in a rush.

“Lock the door first.” I couldn’t believe my ears – had I really just said that? I must’ve, because with a grin Seb was scrambling off my lap, flicking the lock on the door and trotting back over to the bed. I watched him grip the front of his pants, pushing down on the bulge there before climbing back up on the bed. “We have to be quiet.” I’d said it seriously, but he just laughed.

“You’re kidding, right? We’re always screaming up here about something, no one’s gonna think twice.” He did have a point. It gave me an idea too, and I slid off the bed to put on some music. My Fall Out Boy playlist wasn’t particularly sexy, although I was pretty sure that didn’t matter right now. He patted the bed next to him and I climbed back up, letting him pull me down next to him. “Do that thing with your tongue again,” he said, eyes shiny with excitement as he straddled my lap again. This time his hand dropped between us, and my breath hitched in my throat when I felt him touch me.

“Seb, I don’t think this is a good idea,” I said in a rush, but he wasn’t even listening to me as I wallowed in indecision.

“Shut up and kiss me,” he said breathlessly, and in that moment I decided to hell with the consequences. Kissing Seb felt amazing, especially with the way he was moving on my lap, and it was so hard to stop when this was all I’d been thinking about for weeks now. I was so hard it was almost painful, straining in my pants with Seb’s warm hand covering me as he rocked his cupped hand over the bulge. I moved hesitantly at first, not sure if I could touch him or not but Seb had caught my hand hovering lightly at his hip and dragged it lower.

“Touch me too,” he broke away quickly to whisper, not waiting for an answer before he was kissing me again. I gave up resisting, letting him press my hand over the hard length of him, and when his hand dropped away again I curled my fingers around him, giving an experimental rub that had him moaning against my mouth. “Mmh, good.” It was simple praise but it went straight to my dick. “Keep—“ he pulled away, head thrown back as I rubbed him through his pants, “keep doing that, oh my _god_.” I wasn’t gonna stop after hearing something like that. Seb shifted in my lap, one arm curling around my shoulder for balance even as his other hand moved over my crotch, smoothing over my cock and teasing at the head with squeezes and flicks of his thumb. “Shit, that feels amazing, Wil,” he said, and I redoubled my efforts until Seb’s panted breaths were drowning out the voice of Patrick Stump. He jerked in my lap, a wordless cry huffing warm breath on my neck as I felt him pulse under my hand, and hot, sticky come soaked through the fabric of his pants. “ _Fuuck_ ,” he moaned, still shuddering against me and for a moment I froze because _I just did that._ “Shit, that’s so much better than jerking off yourself, you have no idea,” he said, and I swallowed, suddenly realising I was still touching him and I jerked my hand away.

“Sorry,” I said in a small voice, but I don’t think he even heard me.

“I’m gonna do you now, k?” he said, and I felt him shuffle back, the hand that had stilled on my cock before moving with new purpose. “Wil?” I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to focus on the lyrics coming over the shitty speakers of my laptop but Seb’s voice was right in my ear. “I wanna kiss you again.” The hand that wasn’t moving on my crotch was tilting my head back, and I felt lips brush hesitantly over mine before he pulled away again. “Do you want me to stop?” The hand on my dick had stopped too, and I forced my eyes open to see hesitation written all over his face. I swallowed the lump in my throat, reminding myself in a constant chant that we weren’t doing anything wrong. Seb wasn’t dating anyone right now. He was clearly into doing this with me. He’d already come in his pants, there was no reason stopping now would make anything better.

“Please don’t stop,” I heard myself say, and the hesitance melted off his face, replaced with something hungrier as he leaned in close again.

“Kiss me then.” When I didn’t comply immediately he started to pull his hand away, but when I made a noise of dissent and grabbed for him he let me pull his hand back to my crotch.

“Wait! I’ll kiss you.” He smiled, or maybe smirked would be a better descriptor, but then he was too close to discern expressions, and I tilted my face up to capture his lips with mine, and when I moved to part his lips, licking into his mouth he sighed and started stroking me again, fingers tight around the head of my cock. It felt overwhelmingly good – I felt hot all over – and Seb was murmuring encouragement against my lips as I rocked under his palm.

“That’s it,” his voice whispered. “Feels good, right? Think you’re gonna come yet?” I could only moan in response, dropping my head to his shoulder and nodding as the feeling of his thumb rubbing over my cockhead caught so tightly in my pants became too much. I felt like I was gonna explode. I gripped his shirt tightly and he chuckled, then he was humming in my ear, and then singing along in a quiet voice.

“ _We’re going down, down, in an earlier round, but sugar we’re goin’ down swinging.”_ I gripped him tight, fingers curling in his shirt as I hurtled towards the edge and I could _hear_ the smile in his voice. “ _I’ll be your number one with a bullet, a loaded god complex, cock it an’ pull it—“_

“ _Jesus_.” I was coming in my pants, the warm stickiness seeping through the fabric as I hid my face over his shoulder. Unseen, his hand keep stroking me through my release. 

“It’s Seb, remember?” he joked lightly, and in the background I could almost hear the music over the sound of the blood rushing in my ears. Seb chuckled when another shudder went through me. “But I’ll answer to Jesus.”

“Oh my god, Seb,” I said in the same awestruck tone, which wasn’t exactly helpful but I was beyond caring right now. “You just ruined my favourite song.” I was seeing stars and I rolled over to press my face into the pillow while Seb laughed. I’d never be able to hear that those lines again without remembering what just happened.

“More like improved it,” he shot back. “Wanna make this a thing?” I could feel him wiping his hand off on my thigh, and I moved to push him off my lap, slumping back on my bed and staring blindly at the ceiling. “Coz I’m totally up for it, holy shit that was good.”

“Yeah,” I agreed absently, and as the sensation of the wetness started to turn cold I kicked my track pants off, sliding under the blanket as quickly as I could with my jelly legs.

“Budge up.” Seb had quickly imitated me, ditching his soiled outerwear and jumping under the covers, and I closed my eyes as I felt him settle on the pillow next to me. “Hey Amstel.” I cracked on eye open to watch him as he grinned at me, shuffling to get comfortable in my bed before he added with a wink, “You didn’t disappoint me.”

***

**That night after Eden two days ago, in Seb's bedroom**

“Has anyone ever touched you here?” I asked, and Damien’s eyes were wide but bright with excitement as he shook his head no, and he was watching with rapt attention as I bent lower to mouth at him, dropping open-mouthed kisses along his cock.

“ _Holy fucking shit this is happening_ ,” he said in a reverent whisper, eyes closing and head dropping back to the mattress. Unseen, I was grinning, even as my tongue licked a wet line to the tip of his cock. I could hear the hissed breath, feel the sheets go taunt where he was twisting his fingers in them, and this was what it was all about, wasn’t it? _God_ , I loved watching people just fucking fall apart. By the time I slipped him past my lips, rolling my tongue against him his hips were already straining to move under the gentle pressure of a hand I was slowly moving south. After a reassuring squeeze on his hip I was sliding a hand over to touch more of him, relishing the way he arched into the touch as I fondled his balls, thumb moving in a lazy rub that was turning a key in a lock as the gap between his legs widened. He was into it, no doubt about that, but the second my hand moved another inch lower I felt him freeze up.

“You ok?” I asked, lips still on his dick, open-mouthed kisses between reassurances. “Still with me?”

“Y-yeah.” It was shaky, and a lie, but I admired his commitment.

“I wanna suck you off.” I didn’t have to look to know the slap I’d just heard was his hands on his face.

“ _Jesus_.” I knew an invitation when I heard one, and with a handful of him I got my mouth back around that big, beautiful dick. A quick check confirmed what I already knew – he was wrecked already. Head back, eyes wide and fixed on the ceiling, fists now gripping the sheets so tights his knuckles were white. I grinned, sucked harder, felt that bubble of pride as it tore another gasp from him. He was staying so still, like he was scared to move – did he think he’d scare me off or something? – and I reached for the hand clenching a fistful of sheet by his hip, fingers sliding over his knuckles and squeezing until his grip relaxed enough to pull his hand closer, dropping it on my head. Blunt fingertips curled through my hair for barely a second before he stilled, and when I rocked back to look up at him his hand slid limply to my shoulder with a light smack.

“The idea,” I told him, trying to keep a wry grin in check as I picked up his hand again to reposition it, “is to hold on.”

“ _Oh_.” Fingers were curling in my hair now, tightening as I got my mouth back on him and I felt my own cock throb at the rough touch as I encouraged him to move. He got the idea pretty quick after a shaky start and then it was on, hips canting to fuck into my mouth even as I worked the shaft.

He was coming down my throat in literally _minutes_.

 _“Holy fucking shit,”_ I heard him whisper and I grinned to myself as I sat back, admiring his spent cock and the way I could see his chest heaving as he got his breathing back under control. There was a bead of come flooding the slit and I angled his cock, using the hold I still had on him to meet him halfway and lap up the salty liquid. He gasped, twitching under my hand and I let him go, dropping a kiss on his hip before getting up to move up the bed, collapsing on my back next to him in a heap of self-satisfaction. God, I was good.

“How you doing there?” I asked, head turned to look over at him and watching the way he’d covered his eyes with the back of his hands, lips parted around softly panted breaths.

“Ummm,” he said after a moment, dragging out the syllable and when I laughed he joined in, hands finally sliding off his face to bounce on the bed. “Fucking incredible. Just. _Wow_.”

“Stop, you’ll give me a big head,” I said with false modesty, and he’d recovered enough to sit up.

“I think it’s well-deserved,” he said, eyes already straying lower, and I tucked my hands behind my head – no touching – licking my lips before rolling my bottom lip under my teeth, watching the way that caught his attention, unconsciously mirroring me.

“Wanna return the favour?” I wasn’t hoping for much, but the way his eyes lit up was promising. I loved fast learners, which Damien was definitely turning out to be, because with only a little coaching he’d managed to get me gasping his name and best of all? He hadn’t spilt a single drop. 

***

**12 th Jan, 9.22am in Surfers Paradise. 5 days and 45 minutes until shit gets real**

**Current Mood: Sugar, We’re Goin’ Down**

I’d slept in this morning – nothing unusual there – but this time it was because I’d been up for hours on my phone, scrolling through photos and thinking about a certain just-recently-turned-eighteen-year-old tease. I stretched luxuriously in bed, chasing the wisps of dreams now fading fast in the late morning light and wondering if it was worth getting up yet or if I could just lay here an enjoy my memories for another hour or so. Going to sleep with a head full of Damien had resulted in some vivid dreams, his body pinned under mine – in this bed and even these same sheets – skin hot and flushed with desire. He’d been eager to please which was always a turn on, but there’d still come a point when he’d shied away. I wasn’t interested in taking anything he wasn’t ready to give, so when a hand between his naked legs had made him freeze up I’d withdrawn the touch, reaching instead to wrap around his dick, which I’d already worked out he had no objections to me touching.

My reminiscences about Damien’s initiation to the art of sucking dick were interrupted by the sounds of Wil banging around in the kitchen and I closed a hand around myself, eyes drifting shut in pleasure at the friction I’d been lacking. It was easy enough to stay quiet – taking matters into my own hands never felt as good as fooling around with someone else – but Wil was only just outside and I grinned lazily to myself, wondering if I could get him riled up enough to come in and finish me off.

“Mmh.” I let my voice out, testing the volume – not loud enough – but then again my dry hand didn’t really warrant any more effort than that. I rolled over, cock trapped against the mattress as I reached for the drawer that held my lube and I spread the cool gel on my fingers, rubbing them together to take some of the chill off. On my back again I bent my knees, cock hard and waiting for some attention as I reached for myself. “ _Muuuch better_.” I sighed happily at the wet glide, pumping slowly, and I reached down to play with my balls, legs falling open as I wished for a warm body to fill the space. “Wiiil!” I waited, ears straining for some indication that he’d heard me, and a moment later I could hear footsteps on the tiles before my door cracked open.

“What?” He sounded cranky, far too bad-tempered for first thing in the morning. “I’m busy.” My eyes roamed over him, taking in the spatula he was holding in the fist pushed against the door, and I licked my lips as I slowly pumped my cock.

“You should come get busy with me,” I replied, and I watched how his eyes swept over me, lingering on my flushed dick before he snapped them back to my face.

“Come out when you’re finished – I’m cooking breakfast.”

“So no head?” I called out, disappointed, because he’d already shut the door. “ _Goddamnit_.” But the lust I’d seen in his gaze had been enough to kick-start my imagination, and I closed my eyes now as I tried to imagine the palm cupped over my cock was a warm and wet mouth. God, I _really_ wanted a blowjob now. Wil was so good at sucking cock too. The best. Damien wasn’t bad for a beginner, but his enthusiastic attentions were nothing on Wil’s ability to get me off. Now that Wil knew what I was doing in here I didn’t bother to exaggerate – he’d be listening already so I just let myself enjoy the feeling, bitting back moans as I bucked into my hand and wished Wil wasn’t such a stick-in-the-mud. Although I’d got to fuck him yesterday, and that alone deserved to be celebrated. All thoughts of imaginary mouths were gone as I flashed back to yesterday in Wil’s bed, between Wil’s knees, cock buried in Wil’s arse—

“ _Oh shit, fuck_.” I was coming, cock pulsing in my hand as I spilled against my cupped palm and I shuddered with the force of it, breath coming heavy as I worked my dick through it. I collapsed, hand curled on my thigh to keep the mess contained as I blinked up at the ceiling. At least my body felt relaxed now, but there was an edge of disappointment I couldn’t ignore and with a frustrated sigh I rolled out of bed to head for the shower. The warm water quickly washed away the physical evidence but it wasn’t making me feel any better. I shut the water off after just a few minutes, towelling dry before pulling on my shirt from yesterday. Wil was just plating up when I emerged, and I was still feeling cranky about being ignored but when he put a chocolate-dusted mug in front of me I felt my irritation dissolve like mist in the sunshine. It’s hard to stay mad when someone makes you coffee.

“What’s the occasion?” I asked, hopping up onto a barstool, swiping a finger through the foam and licking it off.

“Just felt like cooking,” he replied evenly, and I eyed him curiously as he leaned on the other side of the counter. “Don’t get used to it.”

“Aw, what if I want this every day?” I asked, already scooping up the knife and fork he’d put on the plate. He’d cooked bacon and scrambled eggs, and the toast was Turkish bread – he must’ve gone shopping while I slept in. “You’re spoiling me, Wil,” I said with a moan of delight. The toast was still warm – one or both of us had timed this perfectly.

“Yeah,” he drawled, raising an eyebrow at me. “Like I said – don’t get used to it.” I just grinned around a mouthful of bacon, because the look on his face was already softening as he turned to his own breakfast and I was positive if I wanted this every day for the next month all I had to do was drop a hint.

“Whatever you say, Wil.”

***

“When did you say Damien was coming over?” I looked up at the question because Wil had been ignoring me all morning, and a surreptitious glace at my phone told me it was barely lunchtime. Wil was hovering by the door, one hand reaching for the handle and I couldn’t help a smile at his attitude.

“Not till later. You can run your errands, Wil – you won’t miss him,” I teased, and the answering sniff of disapproval let me know I’d hit the mark.

“I won’t be long,” he cautioned, and I made shooing motions at the door. What did he think I was going to get up too? Maybe he had less faith in me than he always claimed. I’d been telling Wil the truth though, so when the intercom rang within the hour I wondered who it could be, and when the screen revealed it to be Damien my voice showed my surprise as I buzzed him in.

“You’re early,” I told him as he burst through the door, a picture of youthful exuberance.

“I got the day off,” he said by way of explanation and I didn’t ask for details. I’d already heard all about how Damien was volunteering as a lifesaver; Wil even had the pictures to prove it. Meanwhile the subject of our mutual fascination had gone straight to the fridge and I watched as his face lit up on discovering the contents. We’d hit the bottle-o this morning to stock up for the purpose of pre-drinks and he almost seemed unable to decide before finally settling on a double black vodka. I wondered as he twisted the cap off if he realised what the “double” meant, but if he couldn’t keep track of his own drinks that was his problem.

“So what’re we doing today?” he asked, flopping heavily onto the couch across from where I was lounging. I eyed him over my phone before letting my attention drift back to the screen, satisfied when that seemed to annoy him.

“Whatever you like – you’re the birthday boy,” I told him pleasantly, and from the corner of my eye I saw him scowl.

“Birthday _man_ ,” he corrected firmly. “I’m eighteen now.” I didn’t even look up to reply.

“And how very young you still are.”

“I thought that’s what you liked about me,” he needled, and it achieved its aim. I was watching him now, and he was trying hard not to let me know he knew it as he tipped the bottle up to his lips. He was clearly nervous – he’d downed almost half the drink already – but what was he nervous about? I was intrigued enough to look up from the phone this time.

“We could go to Eden again,” I offered, and he gave a noncommittal shrug. “Or drink here. I wasn’t kidding when I said it was up to you,” I said, and his eyes flicked to me before he took another drink.

“I don’t care where we go,” he insisted after a pause. “As long as you’re there.” He was fighting the awkward blush on his face, refusing to look away from me. I had to admit, I was enjoying his endearingly sweet crush, at least for the time being. And maybe it was a little cruel of me to send that text to Wil, but what was I supposed to do? He was missing out on his precious Damien-time after all.

_\- The object of your lust is here early and day-drinking for the country. You still busy or am I babysitting?_

 

I smiled to myself as I locked my phone, sliding it back on the coffee table as Damien got up to move closer to me.

“Can I get you another drink?” he asked, and I shifted to sit up, leaning on the armrest with my knees bent to make room for him on the couch.

“Nah, I’m good for now,” I told him, and he nodded and left his own drink – almost empty now – next to my phone. A hand on my knee pushed my legs wider, and I let my foot slide to the floor as Damien kneeled between my legs. “You right there?” I raised an eyebrow and he grinned back at me, crawling up to get a hand either side of my chest for balance.

“I’m good for now,” he parroted back, moving closer and I watched with satisfaction as his eyelids fluttered closed before soft lips met mine with surprising insistence. My hand reached up to touch his jaw almost instinctively, the tiniest tilt of my head deepening the kiss and I felt him sigh in pleasure. Next to us my phone buzzed abruptly on the glass tabletop – I ignored it to get a second hand on him. He responded by shifting his hips to grind against my lap, the angle making it hard to get any decent friction but with his tongue in my mouth it hardly mattered. A minute later my phone buzzed again and this time Damien pulled back. “Do you need to get that?” he asked, and already he sounded breathless.

“It’ll be Wil.” He hesitated for just a second, rolling his lips to moisten them.

“You should check it then.” He hadn’t moved away though, and the lightest pressure on his jaw was pulling him back in easily.

“I’m busy right now,” I murmured, and I caught the smile lighting up his face for a spilt second before I was kissing him again. 

Barely half an hour later we’d only just been getting to the good bit when the sound of the front door opening interrupted us.

“Don’t answer your phone or anything, Seb,” Wil called out sarcastically, and Damien flew off me with a guilty look and pulling his shirt back on as we heard Wil kick the door shut behind him, appearing a moment later with his arms full of shopping bags. “Hi Damien.”

“Lo, Wil,” Damien called back cheerfully, and hardly sounding at all like he’d been asking if we could go to my room less than thirty seconds ago. Now he was already halfway to the kitchen and I was slumped back on the couch, disappointed. “What’s all this?”

“Birthday dinner,” Wil explained. “I thought I could cook us something.” He frowned but Damien was grinning wide.

“Sweet!” Damien looked stoked, throwing a grin back over his shoulder at me. “What’re you making me?”

“Well considering _someone_ couldn’t be bothered to pick up his phone,” Wil said challengingly, “I made an executive decision and bought ribs.” I’d already checked the message, chuckling at the request for me to check with Damien if he wanted a barbeque, or Italian, or something completely different, as well as a stern _keep your damn hands to yourself_ warning with a little cranky face emoji.

“Sorry, Wil – I told him it might be important,” Damien said contritely, and from the couch I mentally facepalmed because _you just admitted we were ignoring him, idiot_. This kid really needed to work on his game.

“Doesn’t matter,” Wil said with forced brightness. “I felt like barbequing anyway. You hungry now or later?”

“I could def eat,” Damien said, already eyeing the meat and Wil turned to me with a satisfied look on his face.

“Seb, make yourself useful and go clean the grill,” he ordered, and I rolled off the couch with a mockingly compliant, “ _Yes, Wil_ ,” and headed for the roof terrace.

“Oh, sweet, you got cake too!” I heard Damien exclaim before the sliding door cut off whatever else he was saying. I killed enough time cleaning that they appeared, laden down with meat, chopped onions and an armful of drinks.

“Here, for all your hard work,” Damien said in a low voice, handing me an opened cider.

“Cheers, Day.” He beamed as I clinked the bottle against his half-drunk one before I took a swig. “C’mon, Wil, you can do the honours – I always fuck this shit up.” I moved back to let Wil take over, finding a deckchair and dragging it out of the sun as he gave me a knowing look.

“Yes, you do,” he said, a dryly amused look on his face. “But at least you’re aware of it.”

***

I swear I almost felt sorry for Wil.

It didn’t seem to matter what he did tonight, it was all going straight over Damien’s head, because he’d barely looked at him all afternoon and as the sun dropped below the horizon it didn’t seem like things were gonna change. Going out had been vetoed in favour of smashing the contents of the fridge and we’d made a good effort so far. Even Wil, surprisingly, although maybe it was a consolation prize at this point, because all the barbequing skills in the world hadn’t managed to impress Damien.

The sea breeze was already starting to take on a bit of a chill as the solar lights flared to life in the growing dark. We’d just broken out the cake – an amazing mud cake creation that’s plain white box suggested it came from the Cheesecake Shop down the street and the talk slowed in favour of licking the chocolate icing from our fingers as we finished dessert. I’d reclaimed my deck chair from earlier, a drink held loosely in one hand as I watched Damien get up to lean on the railing.

“What’s wrong with yellow?” I asked, a bit miffed that his only complaint about my car was the colour.

“C’mon, it’s gotta be red. Or black,” he added on with a nod at Wil. We’d been discussing cars in general before the talk turned to mine in particular, and apart from his colour preferences Damien had been rapturously telling me at length how much he loved the Lotus.

“Well when you buy one you can get whatever colour you like,” I told him, and he tipped his head back and laughed.

“Yeah, right,” Damien said with a derisive eye roll, and Wil was smiling into his drink, eyes warm and fixed on him as he added, “I wish you’d let me drive it,” and it was my turn to laugh.

“You’d end up wrapped around a light post,” I assured him. “And no one here wants to buy flowers for your funeral.”

“He’s right,” Wil said, although he sounded reluctant to agree with me. “Wait until you’ve had more experience before you tackle something like that.” The meaningful look he gave the younger boy was lost on him however as Damien turned, angling his hips towards me. I tilted the bottle up as I took another drink, eyes fixed on his as he spoke up.

“I’m not scared,” he said, a determined set to his jaw. “I reckon I can handle it.”

“Not tonight,” came Wil’s caution. “It’s more trouble than it’s worth.” He was right – we were far too intoxicated for joyrides, but as I lowered the empty bottle to the tiled floor Damien was strutting over, and I felt sure none of us were talking about cars anymore.

“How ‘bout it?” he asked, leaning against the wall with a poise that was too deliberate to be casual. “Can I take you for a ride?” I registered Wil leaving with the sound of the sliding door closing behind him, but my eyes were fixed on Damien as he watched me for a reaction. Did he even know what he was asking? How was this the same boy who’d panicked when I’d touched him two nights ago?

“Careful,” I told him out loud, but despite my word of caution he must have found what he was looking for in my face, because he was climbing into my lap with an easy grace that belied how much I’d seen him drink tonight.

“I don’t wanna be careful,” he said breathlessly and he was drawing closer, lips finding mine in the dark. “I want you.” I smiled, lips brushing his cheek as I moved to whisper in his ear.

 _“_ Well I’m all yours, _birthday boy.”_


	6. All’s Fair In Love And War Until Someone’s Heart Gets Broken

Chapter 6: All’s Fair In Love And War Until Someone’s Heart Gets Broken

 

 _And if you wanna go down in history then I'm your prince_  
_Because they've got me in a bad way_  
 _I've never seen a heart I couldn't break_  
 _It was never about the songs, it was competition  
Make the biggest scene, make the biggest..._

– The Music Or The Misery by Fall Out Boy

**Current Mood: The Music Or The Misery**

He hadn’t lost his new knack for kissing. He still tasted like chocolate cake, and I let my hand rest low on his hip, encouraging the slow grind on my lap. I hoped he wouldn’t change his mind again though because while I had no objections to fooling around like we had before I’d already been cock-blocked once today and all I’d been able to think about ever since was fucking him, a temptation he was only making worse now that he’d so blatantly invited me to. There was a hand on my shoulder and he squeezed me there before it began a slow, deliberate slide down my chest. Fingers caught on the fabric of my shirt first, now tripping over the waistband of my jeans and I chased his lips when he angled away briefly, feeling him smile against my mouth when the pressure on the straining bulge in my pants caused me to gasp.

My hand had found his, pressing down over his fingers to grind his hand into me harder as I sucked on his tongue. He’d removed the pressure of his hand and replaced it with a roll of his hips as he reached up to slide his hands back up my chest. His palms rubbed against me, dragging and pulling at my shirt and the friction made me arch into the touch. I was reaching up to touch him, fingers in his hair, thumb brushing his cheek, and all the while he was rocking against me, each roll of his hips a wave of sensation but not enough, not nearly enough.

“Can we go to your room yet?” He asked, words whispered in my ear and I smiled against his neck.

“If you want,” I told him, and needing no further encouragement he slid from my lap, a great deal less graceful than he’d arrived, but it was much closer to what I expected. It was bright when we went in – Wil must have turned on all the lights – and if his aim had been to discourage us it was backfiring badly, because now I could see exactly how turned on Damien was, evidence I’d only been able to feel outside in the dark. His hand was in mine as I led him to my room, stopping outside the closed door to pull him close and kiss him soundly. He was melting under my touch, sliding half-an-inch down the door as I pinned him to the wood, one knee slotting between his legs and he bucked against it with a pleased sigh.

“I thought we were going _in_ your room?” he asked, managing a playful tone even if it was slightly breathless. I drew back for a moment, eyes flicking to the couch as I flashed back to earlier this afternoon. It would serve Wil right if I fucked his precious Damien in the living room, but even as I considered it I knew I wasn’t going to. Not tonight anyway. I reached for each of his hands, fingers slotting with his until I could lift our joined hands and pin them to the door.

“I’m still not convinced we should,” I teased back. “Wil’s right. Maybe you should rack up some experience before you try riding this.”

“I don’t care if I crash,” he said, and one hand had squeezed mine before his hand was sliding free and reaching for the handle. “As long as I get to try.” He’d stumbled back a step as the door swung open, but I had a firm enough grip on him that he didn’t go far. He seemed sure enough, was already walking backwards as he tugged me after him and I barely had time to push the door closed behind us before he was swinging me around and pushing me down on my bed. He climbed up, back in my lap and kissing me greedily as fingers worked at the buttons of my shirt. I’d reached up to help him with his and he’d stopped long enough to lift his arms, letting me pull it over his head. He resumed undressing me, pulling my shirt open and with a hand on each of my shoulders he kept me pinned to the bed. It was clear that while he wanted to be in control, he wasn’t sure what to actually do.

“How about you let me drive?” I asked with a smile, unable to resist the metaphor, and when he didn’t say anything I reached for the hands still holding me down. “There’s nothing wrong with being inexperienced,” I told him gently, and as he sat back, taking the weight off his hands I took them in mine, bringing them to my lips to kiss each palm.

“I know,” he said doubtfully, and with a nudge I had him sliding off me so I could sit up, shrugging out of my shirt before reaching for him again.

“So stop thinking so much – you’re too pretty for that.” That finally got a smile out of him, and when my thumb brushed against his cheek he turned into the touch, my fingertips curling in the soft gold strands of his hair as I tugged him closer to kiss. I’d broken the tension, or taken some of the pressure off, because the fingers that were at my waist weren’t hesitating anymore as he got my fly undone. I helped him, hooking my thumbs into the waistband and dragging my jeans down my legs. My underwear quickly joined them, caught around my thighs as I kneeled on the bed and there was a hand on my cock, a tongue in my mouth, and I was starting to think this wasn’t going to be a gigantic let down after all.

With a little more shuffling we’d managed to get Damien out of his jeans as well, and with hardly any convincing at all I’d got between his legs, pressing reassuring kisses to the thighs pinning me in before I bent lower to kiss the soft skin of his sack. I was listening to every sound he made, cataloguing the cues he was giving me as I kissed and licked and mouthed at him. I was going slow, not wanting to scare him off, but it was hard to hold back when I was so close to where I wanted to be.

Tentative fingers were in my hair, carding through the strands as I gently lifted his sack to lick him in a wet line before sucking the salt from his skin. He’d twitched when my tongue had first touched him but he was already relaxing into it with a shaky, drawn-out sigh. The hand in my hair had moved to curl at the back of my head, not exerting pressure but clearly happy for me to remain where I was as I licked him again. I’d started lower this time, the tip of my tongue passing over his rim and he gave a little strangled gasp that made me grin. After repeating this action a few times he’d settled into it again, and this time I closed my lips around him and sucked gently, tongue poking to feel the muscle softening even as its owner squirmed. With a lube-slick finger I replaced my tongue, returning to licking broad strokes of my tongue above his hole as I gently tugged at his rim. There were fingernails scraping lightly over my scalp and I hummed my approval against his skin, enjoying the simple pleasure. He was nervous, I could tell with the way he was still touching my hair, alternatively stroking and playing with my hair and shifting under the pressure of a hand on his hip, but despite all this he was slowly relaxing.

“Does that feel good?” I asked, breathing the question onto his thigh before rubbing my lips on the soft skin.

“Yeah, shit yeah, that’s—“ He cut off when I licked him again, a sharp intake of breath silencing him and it was making it hard to concentrate on the task at hand when he kept doing things that made me want to grin like an idiot. “I can’t believe you’re really doing that _oh my fucking god._ ” His thighs tensed up around my ears again when I probed him with my tongue, and I was a second away from tapping out, the disappointed thought that _he’s not ready_ already in mind when his legs suddenly fell open. “Please do that again,” he breathed softly, barely audible but loud enough, and who was I to deny him when he asked so nicely?

“You like that?” If his hips jerking up into nothing were any indication then _yeah, I’m pretty sure he likes it_.

“Yeah,” he said, a little louder this time. “Yeah, that’s awesome.”

“Good.” I let my hand slide down, palming over his balls before lifting them up again, giving them a little roll as I licked him again. “Keep talking to me, you can tell me if I do something you don’t like.” I couldn’t resist, I leaned up to nose at his sack, spreading my fingers until I could get my lips on him and suck him into my mouth. The wordless moan was answer enough, but then he was drawing in a quick breath to say,

“I like that, _fucking hell do I like that_.” That deserved a reward. I pressed my tongue against him, sucking on him and feeling the weight of a testicle on my tongue. Fingers were curled in my hair, pulling tight and I moaned, its echo falling from his lips when he felt the vibrations. “ _Oh my god_.” I let him go slowly, fingers getting wet with saliva to drag back down to where his hole was twitching like it already knew what was coming for it.

“So I think I’m just gonna keep doing things,” I told him, grinning at how calm I sounded next to his already fucked-out and desperate sounding voice. “And if you wanna stop all you have to do is tell me, ok?”

“Ok.” He’d agreed before I could even mention non-verbal things he might do to clue me in. God, I wanted to be fucking this boy _yesterday_.

“Alright then, Day,” I said, sitting up and palming up his chest, enjoying the feeling as his breaths pushed against my hands. “How ‘bout you flip over for me,” I let my thumb swipe over one nipple, feeling it pebble under the pad of my thumb, “and you can keep telling me how much you like a tongue up your arse.” There was no embarrassment on his face, just excitement, and he was quick to follow my instructions while I retrieved the lube. A light touch between his legs was enough encouragement for them to part, and when I pulled on his hips he obediently raised them, shoulders dropping to the bed as he got comfortable.

“What’re you gonna do?” he asked, and he was twisted around to watch as I flicked the cap open, squeezing out a bit of the clear gel on two crooked fingers.

“If I tell you it’ll suck all the mystery out of it,” I told him, flicking the cap closed and letting the tube drop to the mattress.

“So I have to guess?”

“Not even that,” I said, reaching to spread his cheeks and I could hear the intake of breath. “Just close your eyes and feel.” I’d rubbed the lube with my thumb, testing the temperature – still cold – so I leaned in and licked him first, listening for the soft moan and feeling the way he relaxed into it, chest dropping and hips raising again.

“Seriously amazing,” he whispered, almost too quietly to hear. “This is my new favourite thing.” I chuckled at that, because he had _no idea_ , and with one hand reaching for his cock I had him writhing, hips pumping as he tried to work out if he wanted to buck into my hand or grind down on my tongue.

“You tell me if it’s too much.” I spread the lube thickly over his twitching hole, rubbing over the softening muscle to coat one finger before pushing just the tip in. He gasped, like I knew he would, and gently I started to rock my finger, just rubbing the pad over that tight ring of muscle I so badly wanted to relax and let me in.

“That doesn’t hurt at all,” he said, sounding relieved, and I bit back a laugh.

“It might in a bit,” I warned, but I’d been planning on being careful. “I’ll do my best though.”

“It feels really nice,” he said, still a little awestruck, and I figured now was as good a time as any for a lesson.

“Lotsa nerve endings right here.” I emphasised with a little tug at the rim. “That’s why.”

“Cool.” _Jesus he did not just say “cool”._

“Ready for a bit more?”

“Definitely.” If he lacked anything, it certainly wasn’t confidence. He was loosening up, wanting to suck me in every time I dragged over his hole so I slicked up a second fingertip, and with just a bit of pressure they were both slipping in.

“Still ok?”

“Yeah, feels kinda tight though.”

“Just keep breathing and relax, ok?” I waited until I could hear him fill his lungs with air, tensing my fingers for the stretch and when he let the breath go I scissored my fingers, listening for any sign to stop.

“ _Fuck_ ,” he whispered softly, but he wasn’t trying to get away. I still had a hand on his cock, and I gave it a little more attention but then I couldn’t resist, I was leaning forward to taste him again, tongue licking between the V my fingers made. “God I love that, _mmmh_ , _fuck_.” He was doing so well, eagerly grinding on my fingers and my tongue and I wanted him on my cock so fucken bad. “Are you gonna fuck me?” he asked, and I let my fingers slide just a bit deeper, still stretching him open.

“Do you want me to fuck you?” I was just playing along now, wanting to hear him say it, because the ache in my balls was getting ridiculous now and I wanted nothing more than to grab his hips and slam him down on my cock.

“ _Yes yes yes yes yes_ ,” he practically hissed, and when I leaned back I could see his hands had fisted in the sheets, back bowed so prettily as he ground back on me.

“Ok.” I dropped a kiss on the flesh of his arse, kneading it in my hands. “But you’re going on top.” My hands slid around his waist, sliding up his chest to pull him up and flush with me. My cock slid between his legs and his hands were on it, cupping it and shifting to trap me between his thighs. I sighed, gave a few little thrusts and enjoyed the friction, but I knew I’d have something even better if we just got on with it.

“What do I do?” Or so he asked, but he’d managed to flip us already, wrestling me to the bed and straddling my thighs as he crowded closer to claim my lips. He hadn’t objected as I reached to touch him again, only now his cock was trapped between us, rubbing slickly against my stomach, and for the first time I seriously considered what it might be like to let Damien fuck me. Definitely not tonight though, I’d waited long enough for this. With a hand on his hip I urged him higher, and he easily rearranged himself over my lap. The lube was still handy, and I quickly slicked up my dick, Damien watching with fascination written all over his face. His back was bowed over me as he licked his lips, and I admired the way his softly panted breaths caused his chest to heave with the effort. Another touch at his hip urged him closer, and when he felt the brush of my cock between his legs I watched a look of shock flit across his face, quickly chased away by a determined look as he reached down to touch me.

“It’s alright if you don’t want to,” I told him, but he was already shaking his head, one hand firm around me as he moved to drag the tip of my dick against his slick hole.

“I want to,” he said, perfectly seriously. With a tilt of his hips he’d managed to align us perfectly and when I bucked gently it pressed the tip of me into his wet heat for a moment. The emotions playing out on his face were myriad, and I bucked again just to admire the way he caught his bottom lip in his teeth, his breath catching in his throat at the unfamiliar sensation. I couldn’t believe I’d been missing all of this while I’d had him face down on the bed. Thank god I hadn’t just fucked him from behind, watching his face while he rode my dick was gonna be awesome.

“You need to come down a little bit,” I coached softly, and it was with a studied look of concentration that he moved, hips lowering as I lined us up again. This time when I pressed against his hole I urged him to lower again, a touch on his hip enough to coax him to shift and suddenly I slipped inside to a gasp of surprise from him. “Ok?” I checked, but even as I asked he was moving lower, sinking another inch onto me before his eyes flashed to my face.

“Yeah, but it feels weird,” he admitted, and it was a struggle not to laugh.

“It gets better,” I promised, and I closed a hand around him for distraction, my lube-slicked fingers sliding over his skin as I pumped him slowly. It worked – his eyes slid shut and a satisfied sigh fell from his lips as I worked him – and soon he was shifting, more of me sliding into him. I was holding back, but it was hard. I was only half-in and the urge to bury myself fully in his tight, wet heat was almost overwhelmingly tempting. There was a hand on my chest for balance, helping him to lever himself upright and with a few controlled movements he’d managed to take me completely. He was gazing down at me, a look of amazement on his face, tinged with pride. I almost expected him to say something childish like _I did it_ or some other call for congratulations or reassurance but he was silent as he spread his knees, giving an experimental rock of his hips and gasping at the sensation.

My hand had faltered in its rhythm as he settled himself but I swept up and over the head of his cock now, thumb teasing at the slit and spreading the juices there before I slid my fist back down. With his head thrown back he wasn’t watching me, but I couldn’t take my eyes of him as he began to rock rhythmically, tearing a moan from me as he clenched around my cock, muscle gripping me in waves of heat that made it hard to keep stroking him with the pace he’d set. My hand had been passively resting on his hip but as he started to ride in earnest my fingers gripped him tighter. He’d arched his back, his hands behind him for balance and I felt the burn of his palms on my thighs. I was almost embarrassed by the sound that tore from my throat – a deep, needy moan that’s echo was tumbling from Damien’s lips. I was done – at my limit already – and with a cry I was coming. I could feel his thighs shaking and then he was pulsing in my hand, his own release splashing hotly over my skin as he came with his head thrown back, calling my name at the ceiling. With all tension gone he’d slumped forward, legs sliding out from under him and my softening cock slipped from between his cheeks. His weight was a reassuring pressure crushing me to the bed and I felt it when he filled his lungs with deep, shaky breaths, my sex-numbed brain off the hook by my hand automatically moved to stroke his back reassuringly as he shifted to get comfortable. There was a catch in his breath that could have been a chuckle as my hand slid down his back to the curve of his arse, and I gave him a light smack.

“ _Fucken hell_ ,” he mumbled into the mattress by my shoulder, and it was my turn to laugh this time.

“How was that?” I asked, and he rolled off me, eyes bright when they found mine. There was colour in his cheeks but by the look of it, it was pure exertion.

“Was I any good?” he asked, and in any other recently deposed virgin it might’ve been bashful or anxious, but Damien seemed genuinely curious. There was no fear in his steady gaze.

“Ten out of ten, would bang again,” I replied, and by his laugh it seemed he thought I was joking, but I was hardly exaggerating. Damien had surprised me by being a decent lay.

“You did all the work though,” he said, a slight frown competing with the smile on his lips.

“Your turn next time, then,” I said, and that had the grin back in full force. Not that it was even true. For someone who’d never fucked before he sure knew how to move.

“So there’s a next time?” he asked, looking coy as his hand came up to touch my chest.

“If you want.” He seemed fascinated by the evidence of our tryst, eyes wide as he at first tentatively traced around the white painting my skin, but soon he was touching without hesitation, palm dragging through his come. With fingers sticky with it, he traced my lips lightly, and when I licked it off he smiled.

“Do I taste good?” he asked, feeding me more of the white mess and I sucked his fingers clean.

“Delicious,” I confirmed, and he smiled as he moved closer to kiss me, tasting himself on my tongue.

“This’s probably the best birthday present _ever_ ,” he said, and I could feel his lips stretching into a grin before he pulled away. “Nothing’s gonna top this.”

“You wanna bet?” I said mildly, my eyes still closed and I felt him shuffle off me to burrow into my side, one arm flung over my chest as I slid an arm around him to pull him closer. “I’m gonna blow your mind, Day.” His hand was warm on my side, the comforting weight of his arm on my chest already lulling me to sleep as his fingers gently brushed at my side.

“Can’t wait.” He already sounded sleepy, as relaxed as I felt, and I let my hand smooth down his back, thumb rubbing comforting circles as he shifted again to get comfortable, one leg sliding between mine. “G’night, Seb,” he whispered, almost sounding shy again and I was grinning quietly to myself, eyes already closing as I let myself fall asleep.

***

**13 th Jan, 9.38am, Surfers Paradise. 4 days and 29 minutes until the revolution**

I was waking up to the sound of water splashing on tiles, alone. The bedsheets were cold as I stretched, and I quickly pulled my limbs back to the warm patch as I shuffled around to get comfortable again. Damien was clearly in the shower. I wondered what the time was, and if Wil was still around. Probably not after last night. I didn’t think Wil could be mad at me for that though – last night had been _all_ Damien – it wasn’t like I’d encouraged him or anything. But then again this was Wil we were talking about, and he could be a little holier-than-thou sometimes. Sleep seemed easier than dealing with whatever my morning was bringing me so I let my eyes close again. If there was a lecture lurking in my future then at least I was gonna listen to it well-rested. My plans were interrupted when I heard the water shut off minutes later, and not long after that a towel-clad Damien returned in a cloud of steam.

“ _Morning_.” He mouthed the word when he noticed I was awake, and my answering smile was unconsciously given at his consideration.

“Hey.” I yawned, eyes closing again and I felt the bed move as he climbed back in.

“Sorry I woke you up,” he said apologetically, but I shrugged it off.

“You didn’t. I’m hungry,” I mumbled, eye cracking open to see him laugh and flop face-down on the bed before shuffling to look over at me.

“We could get breakfast?” he suggested, and immediately I thought of the café down the street that did amazing pancake stacks.

“Now that’s worth getting up for,” I said with a moan, rolling out of bed slowly as Damien chuckled at me.

“Alright, grandpa,” he said flippantly and I threw him an unamused look.

“Watch it, kid – you keep making quips like that and you’ll find your welcome wears out quickly,” I said ominously but he just laughed, towel coming undone as he rolled on my bed and I shut the bathroom door before he could distract me further.

***

I showered quickly, unable to ignore the grumbling of my stomach now that I had an image of what I wanted to put in it stuck in my head. Damien wasn’t in my room when I emerged and I had half a brain on him, wondering what mischief he was getting up to in the apartment as I pulled on some clothes. Sitting at the kitchen counter with Wil drinking coffee was the absolute last thing I had imagined, and it took me a moment before I sauntered over to them.

“Hey,” I said, greeting Wil cautiously and he looked up before sliding a cup of coffee over to me.

“Morning,” he said evenly, and my eyes narrowed automatically as I took it.

“It’s not poisoned, is it?” I joked, and while Wil didn’t confirm or deny my fingers wrapped around the still-warm mug anyway, raising it to my lips. Mmh, Irish cream, extra sugar. The boy knows me well.

“Wil says he knows a place with killer pancakes,” Damien said brightly, either oblivious to the chilly vibe or uncaring, and I hummed thoughtfully as I flicked a quick glance between them.

“Does he now?” At my questioning tone Wil finally turned away, expression unreadable. “He’d better show us, then. Come on, Wil.” The only thing that betrayed him was the way I saw his fist clench before he shook it out. Damien had already jumped down, eyes bright and eager as I quickly finished off my coffee. We were literally only going up the street, no cars necessary, and Damien did most of the talking as we headed downstairs.

“So I’ve been thinking about the Exige,” he babbled excitedly. “And there’s this spot we all go to do burnouts and shit – really wide roads and hardly any traffic – you reckon you might let me have a go at it?”

“If you think for one second Seb’s gonna let you do burnouts in his car you’re mad,” Wil said, looking dryly amused, and Damien was quick to promise that wasn’t what he meant.

“I just wanna drive it a bit, it’s so fucken cool.” He turned to me, eyes wide and imploring. “You’ll lemme have a go, right?”

“Maybe,” I said noncommittally, but he seemed to take that as a yes.

“You have to bring yours too, Wil, we should race them…” I tuned him out, steps slowing as I soaked up the morning sun, trailing behind as Wil seamlessly took over, letting Damien gush about cars at him.

“Earth to Sebastian,” Wil said, flicking me on the forehead and I brushed his hand away impatiently, frowning at the name.

“What?” I asked, irritation written all over my face but Wil was perfectly content as he held the door wide for me.

“After you,” he said, gesturing inside, and I followed Damien into the cool interior, wondering as the host found us a table what Wil was up to now.

***

**8 years ago on the Sunshine Coast, hanging out in Wil's bedroom  
**

“So Wil tells me you guys’ve been mates forever,” Nathan said, an earnest look on his dumb face as he tried to engage me in conversation, which I wasn’t sure beat staring at the wall in silence like we had been since Wil ran off, answering the summons of his mother downstairs. I eyed him suspiciously, this new kid in town.

Nathan Parrish.

Wil’s _boyfriend_.

“Guess so.” I’d never really given it much thought, but I supposed Wil and I had know each other for half our lives now. Not like this pleb who’d just moved here a few months ago and fucked everything up.

“Cool.” The awkward silence resumed, punctuated by the nervous tapping of Nathan’s foot. Wil had left us alone in his room, looking less than pleased about it but unable to do anything else but apologise as he raced out the door – after making me promise to behave myself, anyway, which I low-key resented. I wished he’d come back soon. I had no interest in talking to this idiot, not with that goofy smile on his face. “I’ll bet he was a cute kid,” he said, and I resisted the urge to gag. 

“He was a dork.” _A blond, freckly dork who used to do anything I said, until you came along._

“Yeah,” he said fondly. “That’s the cute bit.”

 _God._ I rolled my eyes, hard. _Who even is this guy_ , but I could hear Wil bounding back up the stairs.

“Hey, sorry about that,” Wil said, looking sheepish as he started to push the door closed. “Ma’s gone nuts at the moment.”

“You better not even _think_ about shutting that door, _Wilm.”_ The calm voice of his mother called up the stairs and Wil screwed up his face, abruptly flinging the door wide open again.

“You do realise Seb’s up here too, ma!” he yelled back down, leaning out the doorway but not far enough to hide his face flushed with embarrassment.

“Don’t you dare shout at me, Wilem,” she called back sternly. “You know the rules – door open or downstairs.”

“ _Jesus Christ_ ,” he muttered, face-palming, but Nathan was quick to reassure him.

“It’s fine, babe. C’mere and sit down.” He patted the bed next to him and Wil moved to sit, shooting him this stupid sappy look that made me want to break something.

“She’s just got this stupid idea in her head that we’re fooling around up here,” he said forlornly as he shuffled over to slouch against the wall. 

“I wonder what made her think that?” I asked, eyes deliberately wide and innocent, and Wil shot me a warning look.

“Not a clue,” he said tightly. Nathan didn’t seem to notice. Probably lucky for Wil, as I was only too happy to inform him exactly what Mamma van Amstel thought Wil got up to in his bedroom. How was she supposed to know the giant hickey Wil hadn’t been able to hide last month wasn’t from his new _boyfriend_ , but from me instead? _Or maybe she does know_, I thought, reflecting that she’d been a bit weird around me lately. Watching me with a pensive look on her face when she thought I wasn’t paying attention. Not that Nathan seemed to pick up on any of this, because he looked as clueless as ever as he slid off the bed, shaking the computer mouse until the screen woke up.

“I forgot, I was gonna show you that new song – remember, Wil?”

“What new song?” I asked, but it was answered moments later when some poppy crap came over the speakers and I curled my lip at it. “Ugh, it’s so _happy_ ,” I complained, and Nathan laughed.

“I know you’re a wannabe emo, Seb, but give it a chance,” he said, good-naturedly teasing. “Wil liked the songs I played him last week.” He’d retaken his seat and my eyes followed him before settling back on Wil.

“Nice try, but you’re not gonna convert either of us. Wil’s a real die-hard Fall Out Boy fanboy.” A tiny spot of colour in Wil’s cheeks gave him away and I raised an eyebrow at him as I prompted, “Aren’t cha Wil?”

“I can like different things,” he said, too quietly to really be defensive.

“Sure you can.” I rolled my eyes, disappointed not to have got a reaction. “What about you, Nay?” I asked, and he looked up in surprise.

“Huh?”

“You like Fall Out Boy?”

“They’re alright,” he said, very diplomatically and I was smiling as I shook my head at him. Who’d he think he was kidding? Nathan was clearly not the right guy for Wil.

“We don’t have to love all the same things, Seb,” Wil said, frowning at me with his chin resting on his folded arms.

 _No_ , I thought, a smile still playing on my lips. _But I think I’ll get rid of Nathan anyway_. Ever since Mr My-music’s-better-than-yours showed up Wil had stopped being my make out buddy and gone back to keeping me at arm’s length and I’d had just about enough of it. My smile froze as Nathan moved so they were shoulder-to-shoulder, quickly turning into a frown when Wil sat up straighter again. His arm had dropped to the mattress between them, hesitantly brushing a finger against the back of Nathan’s hand and my stomach flipped at the sight.

 _Yeah, definitely getting rid of him_ , I thought, eyes narrowing. _And the sooner the better._


	7. It’s Okay To Make Mistakes But You Should Probably Learn From Them

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Restructuring happening - the chapter lengths have been changed to be reasonable which has doubled the expected chapters overall. My humblest apologies for making you slog through 10k+ chapters. This story really is getting out of control.

Chapter 7: It’s Okay To Make Mistakes But You Should Probably Learn From Them

  
  
_Turn off the lights and turn off the shyness_  
_'Cause all of our moves make up for the silence_  
_And oh, the way your makeup stains my pillowcase_  
_Like I'll never be the same_

– Of All the Gin Joints in All the World by Fall Out Boy

 

**7 years and 51 weeks ago, in the hall outside Wil’s locked bedroom**

“Wil! You’re not still moping, are you?” I tried the door handle again but it was still annoyingly locked, like it had been for the last three days since Wil had been unceremoniously dumped. “Look, Nathan was a limp dick anyway. Fuck ‘im.” This had _not_ been the plan, because getting rid of Nathan was supposed to make things go back to _normal, dammit_ , and Wil hadn’t come to school for the rest of the week. I shook the handle again, rattling it nosily until I heard a click from within. “ _Finally_.” The door opened, and I walked into Wil’s darkened bedroom, the faint sound of _Dance, Dance_ coming from the laptop on his bed and the unmistakable stench of weed in the air.

“Go away, Seb,” he said morosely, but he’d been the one who let me in in the first place, only just falling back onto his bed now.

“Cheer up, ya grump.” I climbed up on the bed with him, scooting over to sit up against the wall. “You still got me.”

“Yeah,” he scoffed derisively. “You’re real fucken exclusive, aren’t you? Shouldn’t you be with your _girlfriend_? I forget who you’re supposed to be dating this week.” I eyed where he’d curled up at the head of the bed, voice muffled but still heavy on the sarcasm as it made it out from where he’d pulled a pillow over his head.

“Nay wasn’t for you,” I continued on, ignoring his melodrama. “I mean he liked _Katy Perry_ for fucks sake.”

“I liked _him_ ,” an unsteady voice insisted. I was still watching, one eyebrow raised as I locked my arms around my bent knees. 

“Did you really, though?” I mused thoughtfully. “Coz I dunno, he seemed pretty ready to believe you have a thing for me.” Wil was finally stirring, pillow shoved to the floor as he sat up. “Kinda shitty thing to do, really,” I continued as Wil turned to look over his shoulder. “You shouldn’t date people if you’re secretly lusting after someone else.”

" _You_ ," he said dangerously, eyes narrowing as he put it all together. "You did this, you fucking _dick_!” He launched himself at me and I fell sideways, his fist glancing down my calf without any real force.

“What? It’s true, isn’t it?” I said defensively, but all the fight had gone out of him – he was just slumped on the bed now.

“No,” he said, fist uncurling until his hand was resting on my ankle where it landed, warm through the thin fabric of my track pants.

 _There isn’t a reality in existence where that sounded convincing_ , I thought with a satisfied smirk.

“Tell the truth, Wil,” I prompted, and the hand on my ankle squeezed tight for a few seconds.

“The truth is you’re an arsehole,” he said, but there wasn’t any heat to it this time, and he was sitting up slowly – still touching me – and the hand on my leg had slipped low enough that his fingers were brushing the bare skin on my foot.

“I know,” I agreed cheerfully. “But you love me anyway.” He muttered something, too quiet to catch but it sounded like it could’ve been _I wish I didn’t_. “I missed you – we never hang out anymore.”

“You’ve been over here every day for _years_.”

“Yeah but he was always around here too. I like hanging out with just us.”

“Why?” he asked, but I was already moving, twisting out of the loose hold and getting a hand on his shoulder to push him down.

“Coz then I can do this.” At first when I kissed him I though he was gonna push me off, because he’d flattened his hands on my chest, but just when I was about to give up I felt his lips part under mine, and those hands were sliding higher until he had a grip on my shoulders. I’d got a leg either side of him, shifting all my weight to one arm so I could reach for his cheek, the lightest touch to tilt his chin up as I slipped my tongue past his lips. Hands were sliding up my neck, fingers curling in my hair and I sighed happily at the contact. His tongue dragged across mine, quick and dirty, and I made the tiniest little moan when he caught my bottom lip between his. _God, I missed doing this_. He was pulling me back down again, one knee bent between my legs and chasing friction but when I tilted my hips to grind on his lap he suddenly shoved me back.

“What are you even doing?” He was breathless and beautiful, eyes wide and kissable-lips just barely parted. “Are you gonna ask me out or what?” I shifted on his lap, eyes sliding to the left to avoid the look in his eyes because I knew he wouldn’t like the answer.

“Can’t we just make out?” I asked, and I could look again, because he’d closed his eyes in frustration, head thrown back and pale neck invitingly on display.

“No, Seb, we can’t _just make out_ ,” he ground out, sounding very much like he was fed up with explaining something for the millionth time. “That’s not how this works. I don’t just go around kissing people.”

“You kissed Nathan.” _Why did that feel like an accusation?_

 “I _liked_ Nathan,” he stressed, but it sounded weak. 

“But not as much as you like me.”

“ _For fucks sake_ ,” he mumbled, and his hands had dropped to cover his face again. I missed them being on me. “You don’t wanna be out, is that it?” he snapped, and I felt a lick of shame curling in my gut.

“Maybe I just don’t wanna date _you_ ,” I said, sounding a lot more defensive than I’d meant to, and Wil’s hands were dropping away again, look softening.

“That’s it, isn’t it?” he asked, a look of dawning comprehension on his face. “You’re scared to come out.”

“I’m not scared of _anything_ ,” I insisted, voice climbing a few octaves higher which didn’t exactly help my case.

“Why then?”

“I’m _not scared.”_ I’d balled my hands into fists to try to stop them shaking but Wil had already noticed.

“Hey, it’s ok, Seb, you don’t have to.” He was looking apologetic now and I didn’t want his _pity_ , dammit, I just wanted to talk about literally anything else.

“I know.” I felt frustrated, like this conversation had got completely out of my control and I didn’t know how to get it back on track.

“It’s ok.” His hand was reaching for me and I closed my eyes at the gesture, unconsciously leaning in to the cool touch of his palm on my cheek. “C’mere,” he said softly, pulling me back down to his lips. “I’m sorry. It’s ok.” I could not _believe_ my luck, because not only was Wil was kissing me again but he was _really into it_. I knew getting rid of Nathan had been the right call. And it wasn’t like it’d been hard either. I’d just pulled him aside and explained Wil and I had a thing he was getting in the way of, and without even having to resort to evidence he’d believed me. Shame, really. I’d been looking forward to showing off the fading hickey low on my neck from that last glorious week before Captain Douche Canoe fucked everything up. But nope, he’d just given up, and while I hadn’t exactly been planning on him publicly ditching Wil – literally in front of everyone, what a drama queen – I’d at least got what I wanted. He’d even kept my name out of it, which was unexpected but greatly appreciated with the way he loudly accused Wil of cheating on him. Poor Wil had been too stunned to even defend himself at the time.

“I’m kinda getting whiplash here, do you wanna kiss me or not?” I had to ask, question falling on his lips before he pulled back.

“I always wanna kiss you,” he said, eyes closing as he dropped his head back to the pillow. “Even when I know I shouldn’t.” Suddenly his eyes flew open again, wild as he looked up at me. “ _You have a girlfriend_!” he said in a panic, and I couldn’t help the wry grin I gave him as he started pushing me off him.

“Old news, Wil. You skip a couple of days and you’re behind the times already.” We were sitting up now and he’d stopped trying to push me away, hands sliding limply down my chest by the time I added, “Jess and I broke up.”

“Good.” He seemed to realise what he’d said a second later. “I mean, not _good_ , but…y’know.” He trailed off, head turned to the side as he took a deep breath, chest rising and falling as he let it out again. “Why is everything so hard with you?”

“I just have that effect on people,” I said, one hand reaching back to drag up his thigh, getting close enough to make a point before he grabbed my hand to still it.

“Jesus, you’re a fucking nympho, aren’t you?” It was grumbled like a complaint but I noticed he hadn’t let go of my hand yet, or moved to push it away.

“Wouldn’t know, haven’t got that far yet,” I told him, and his eyes flashed to mine in surprise.

“Really? You’re still a virgin?”

“I guess so.” I hadn’t really thought about it that way before. “I haven’t had sex if that’s what you mean.”

“Huh.” Wil seemed to be having some issues processing that. “That’s…surprising,” he said after a while. “I thought you must’ve done it already.” He looked so serious I had to laugh.

“Why, have you?” I turned it back on him and he shook his head.

“No,” he said slowly, and I shrugged at the admission.

“So why should I?”

“Because you’re _you_ ,” he insisted, his eyes focused on mine now and startlingly clear. “What’re you waiting for?”

“I dunno.” I wasn’t making it up, I really didn’t know. “I mean I guess I’ve had a few opportunities but…” I trailed off, not wanting to admit I’d been nervous, but Wil looked like he’d picked up on it anyway, what with that flash in his eyes.

“What?” he said with lowered lashes. “You wanna trial run before the real thing?”  

“You offering?” It was a joke, at least I’d said it as a joke, but now it was dead silent and I was pretty sure neither of us were even breathing.

“If you want.”

_Holy fucking shit this is not a drill._

“You’re fucking high, aren’t you?” He’d got to his knees, and I watched, too stunned to react as he crawled closer.

“Little bit,” he admitted, already in my lap.

“Coz thirty seconds ago you didn’t even wanna kiss me—“

“Seb, would you just shut the fuck up before I change my mind?” he huffed, and there was a hand on my cheek, lips brushing against mine hesitantly before he pulled away.

“You’re so romantic,” I told him, grinning now, and he pulled a face as he pushed away from me.

“Forget it then,” he said, eyes sliding away and in the background the song changed. “This was a bad idea.”

“What? What’d I do?”

“Nothing. Nothing at all.” He’d covered his face with his hands, head bowed and I had no idea how to get this back on track because Wil kept throwing me curveballs and at this point I was just swinging wildly and hoping I’d hit one.

“Hey.” He looked up, and I turned to look over at the laptop for a second. “Remember this?” I watched how that landed. Wil had dropped his hands and at first I thought he must’ve forgotten, but as it got to the chorus he was blushing, a bright red glow that looked like it’d be hot if I touched it.

“Please don’t remind me,” he said, and I waited to see if he’d move.

“Why not? It’s like our song.” I insisted, eyes closing automatically as I listened, the familiar words conjuring up memories like they always did. There’s no way I’d forget something like that. Wil was the only one I’d admit being a virgin to, but not because I was embarrassed. To be perfectly honest, I’d always felt like that first time with Wil had counted for something.

“How do you do it?” With a sigh that sounded a lot like resignation he reached out, fingers curling in the front of my shirt, pulling me down and my hands shot out to brace on the bed as I fell on top of him. “You always say just the right thing,” he continued, hands already sliding higher to pull my face closer. “And it’s so fucking hard not to want you.”

“I kinda like it when you want me.” That earned a little satisfied smile, and my own lips curved up in a smirk before I leaned down to kiss the look off his face. “Wil?” I waited, making sure he was paying attention before I added in a breathy whisper, “I want you to be my first.” Everything was still for a second then suddenly he rolled us and he settled between my legs. A laugh caught in my throat at the pressure of him pinning me to the bed, one hand already sliding down to touch my hip and I bent my knees for some leverage, feet planted on the bed to rock against him as I asked, “Who’s fucking who here exactly?” He stopped dead at that, eyes going wide.

“Sorry,” he murmured, and I could help laughing.

“Did you forget or something?” He was blushing, the red in his cheek glowing as grinned up at him. “Or did you just wanna be on top?” I paused, thinking about it for a second before I asked, “What’s gay for cowgirl?”

“ _What?”_

“You know.” I gestured vaguely. “When someone sits on your dick and rides you, what do you call that?”

“Um, just _riding_ , I guess,” Wil said uncertainly, and I rolled my eyes.

“No creative name? I’m disappointed.”

“Do you want me to ride you?”

“Hmm, lemme think.” I tapped my chin like I was actually considering it. “Of course I do, fucken _hell_ , Wil, do you still not get how this works?”

“Ok then.”

“Really? Sweet as.” This seemed almost too good to be true, even if he had just rolled his eyes, looking everywhere but my face.

“Do you know what to do?” he asked, already starting to look uncertain.

“Not really. That’s kinda the point though.” He made a sort of “ _oh, yeah_ ” face and I couldn’t stop the nervous giggle that bubbled up, because he was still between my legs, the warm weight of him pressing on my already-hard dick and it seemed likely things were only gonna get better from here. 

“Well I kinda know what to do. In theory,” he added quickly, off the incredulous look I was giving him, and suddenly he was having trouble looking me in the eye.

“Lay your wisdom on me then, Amstel, what do I do?” I said, ratcheting the cockiness up to cover my nerves and I was rewarded with a dirty look as he shuffled off me, and I lay back to stare as the ceiling, listening to him moving stuff around on the desk.

“ _You_ can pack a bowl,” he said, and I looked down as he slapped one of his mother’s pilfered Tupperware containers in my hand. “And I’ll be back.” He’d retrieved lube from the very back of the drawer, and when he crossed to the door I realised he intended to leave.

“Aw, I don’t get to watch?” I asked and I was only half-teasing, because I wasn’t completely innocent – I had a browser history I frequently deleted and I was pretty sure I knew what Wil was going to do.  Suddenly I desperately wanted to see it.

“No,” he growled softly, door already cracked open as he checked the hall. “Lock this behind me in case Ma comes home.” I dropped the weed back on the desk, obediently flicking the lock when the door clicked closed before locating the scissors. I wasn’t focusing on chopping though, my thoughts were down the hall in the bathroom, wondering exactly what Wil was doing, the faces he was making, and I was _missing it_. At least I had the consolation prize of getting high, and with fingers only a little unsteady I packed a generous amount into the piece, hindered slightly as I searched for a lighter but managing to take a few hits before I heard Wil’s soft knock on the door. I leaned over the desk to blow the last of the smoke out the window before getting up – too quickly judging by the way my head was already spinning – and then I was opening the door for Wil, a lazy smile on my face as he ducked back in.

“You wanna ‘nother hit?” He was already marching over to the desk, checking the bowl and knocking out the ash to repack it.

“Absolutely,” he muttered, and I wasn’t sure I was supposed to hear that but it’d reached my ears anyway.

“You nervous, Amstel?” I asked, and he ignored me, the bubble of the water and his slow, steady breathing mixing with the music still playing softly. He lowered the bong, turning to blow the smoke out the window just as I had, and there was still another hit’s worth of smoke curling in it but he set it down anyway.

“How’d you wanna do this?” He was definitely nervous, covering it up with a fake as fuck nonchalance and I stepped back, a quick glance over my shoulder to find the bed before sinking down on the mattress.

“How ‘bout you come over here first?” I patted the bed next to me, watching with a predatory gaze as he got up slowly and came closer. “I’m not gonna bite,” I told him when he climbed onto the end of the bed, facing me but still out of reach. “Unless you’re into that,” I added, thrilled but not surprised when that brought a dull flush to his cheeks.

“Are _you_ into that?” he shot back, clearly baiting me, and I tilted my head as I considered it.

“Probably,” I said thoughtfully, and that pulled a laugh from Wil – deep and genuine.

“Try not to eat me in your enthusiasm,” he said dryly, but I wasn’t listening, already tugging him closer with a hand hooked around his neck.

“I dunno, I’ve heard that’s kinda awesome,” I murmured, lips pressed close to his throat and it was thrilling to feel how affected he was, pulse jumping under my tongue as I licked him. Why hadn’t we done this before? Because Wil was clearly into it with the way his head fell back, giving me better access as I sucked a hickey into the pale skin of his neck. As soon as I finished I leaned back to admire it but his hands were settling on my face, pulling me up until he could get his lips on me and then I was licking into his mouth. Tiny little sparks of pleasure were going off every time I felt his tongue push against mine, and I liked the warm pressure of his hands as they slid down to rest on my shoulders. It felt nice, safe. I’d snaked a hand over his thigh, feeling the soft slinky fabric of basketball shorts under my palm and I went higher until I could close my hand over him tight in his pants. A squeeze had him huffing a surprised breath against my lips and I smiled as my fingers pulled at the waistband to slip down and touch him. This was familiar, we gave each other hand jobs all the time – or at least we _had_ until someone went and got a fucking boyfriend – but that wasn’t what this was.

Not this time.

I slipped to the floor to kneel, a hand on each of Wil’s knees to push them apart as I looked up at him. He didn’t say anything, eyes wide, but when I tugged on his shorts he lifted his hips so I could slide them down. I’d never been eye level with a dick before and it seemed bigger this close to my face. I kept looking up at him, eyes dropping back down as I reached out to touch.

“Seb…” Wil said softly, and it sounded like he was about to tell me not too but I’d been thinking about this for weeks, maybe months, like what it felt like, what Wil would taste like, if I’d even be any good at this…

“I’ve never done this before, alright? But I wanna lick it.” I heard the mattress creak and when I checked Wil’s face had disappeared, falling straight back so that I had to lean up to see he was staring at the ceiling.

“The shit you _say_ ,” he said, sounding a little dumbstruck but I just shrugged, shifting closer to touch him again. I dragged my tongue flat along the vein, licking all the way to the tip and rolling my tongue over the sensitive head and that was the last of the complaints. The last of any talking, really, because Wil was having trouble voicing anything but soft noises that went straight to my dick and my own mouth was better occupied. He’d sat up again though, awkwardly struggling up to his elbows at first, then tipping his weight onto one arm so he could reach out and push my hair out of my face. His touch felt like fire, fingers sliding into my hair and holding it back and every time I looked up I caught him watching. I’d got him pretty wet and I wrapped a hand around him, giving him a slow pull as I sucked off the tip.

“How was that?” I asked with a smirk, turning to lick the length of him again without breaking eye contact, and the fingers in my hair tightened for a moment.

“Fucking _incredible_ ,” he said between breaths, and I felt warm pride bubbling in my chest as he sat up, hands slipping down to twist in my shirt and he was yanking me up, pulling me down and we were both laughing as I ended up crushing him to the bed.

“Bit eager are ya, Amstel?” I joked, but he just growled softly, nuzzling at my neck before managing to get me on my back.

“I wanna try it too,” he mumbled, barely loud enough to hear except his mouth was still so close to my ear, but then he was moving off me, shuffling over to kneel by my hip. Fingers were curling under the waistband of my pants, pulling them down and I helped, shoving them down my legs and kicking them off and my underwear wasn’t far behind.

“You’re not scared, are ya?” I asked, because it’d gone extremely quiet in the pause between songs and Wil hadn’t touched me yet.

“No,” he said, more than a little defensively, and he might’ve been giving himself a silent pep talk because I could see his lips moving but no sound coming out, eyes focused on the prize before he finally bent lower.    

“Oh yeah, this’s gonna be awesome,” I said, eyes closing at the first brush of his mouth on me, and I could feel everything – the way his tongue flattened to lick in broad strokes and his soft lips closing over me to gently suck. “Yeah, that’s the shit.”

“Can you stop talking for like, five minutes? You’re kinda ruining this for me,” Wil complained, and I could see the tip of one visible ear was bright red.

“Nope.” I grinned at the ceiling until I felt Wil’s mouth hot and wet around me, and I couldn’t help the gasp that tore from my chest. “Fuck, that’s amazing.” Wil hummed his agreement, a vibration that I felt everywhere he was touching me. I still had my eyes closed, but when I heard a plastic click I peeked to check what Wil was up to, watching as his closed fist tugged down on me before he drizzled a trail of clear gel down my dick. He caught me watching, and I’d expected him to look away or blush again but the smirk on his face was so much better. I was watching him now, unable to look away as I felt him spread the cool lube over me, hand sliding up slickly and rubbing over the head before gliding back down with a squelch that probably shouldn’t have sounded as sexy as it did as I watched Wil lower his head again.

“I don’t have condoms,” he said, and it took me a moment to catch up, because he’d just licked my dick again, slowly and deliberately, eyes on my face the whole time and this was so much better than porn.

“I don’t care if you don’t,” I said honestly, voice catching because my dick was in his mouth again and how do you word? Wording is hard. I saw Wil roll his eyes, and it nearly made me laugh because sassy, sarcastic, half-naked Wil with my dick in his mouth was not what I’d expected from today, and yet _here we are_. “Seriously, that’s like the last thing on my mind – I’m so beyond caring it’s not funny.”

“How responsible,” Wil murmured, a wry smile on his lips as his fist made slick sounds on my dick, thumb sweeping over the head in a move I could never quite get right on my own. I watched as Wil shuffled off the bed, shorts discarded before a touch on my hip urged me to move back up the bed.

“Can you take this off?” I asked as he settled back over my lap, catching the hem of his shirt and flipping it up.

“No,” he said simply, tugging it back down and slapping my hand out of the way.

“But I wanna see,” I complained, and when I reached for him this time he caught both my hands and leaned forward to pin them above my head. “Shit, that’s fucking hot,” I said, breath catching as I tested the hold and I felt his hands tense, gripping harder so I couldn’t free myself.

“Are you gonna be like this the whole time?” he asked, sounding a little exasperated but he was already letting go, sitting back up again and I would’ve complained except my cock had just brushed his arse as he shuffled backwards.

“Maybe,” I countered, wondering if he even believed my act anymore. “See if you can shut me up.” He took that like the challenge it was, hand disappearing under the shirt to curl around me as he shifted on my lap. I could feel him drag my dick against him, his eyes closing in concentration and I took the opportunity to carefully lift his shirt again, fascinated by the view.

“Pervert,” a quiet voice accused, but when I looked up he didn’t look like he really minded.

“And proud of it,” I shot back, craning my neck to see where we were pressed together. “Damn that’s a good view.” When Wil knocked my hand away again I let him, but as my hand fell uselessly, brushing down his leg he pulled his shirt over his head, tossing it carelessly aside. _Goddamn, Wil._ I was speechless, staring up with wide eyes as he reached for me again, and then I was sliding into him, the hot, tight feeling squeezing around my dick knocking the air from my lungs. It was all happening so fast – in a matter of seconds he was bottoming out, knees catching on the sheets as he spread them wider and I was having trouble breathing at the overload of sensations.

“No smartarse comments?” Wil asked, and it would’ve been a blow to my pride if he’d been handling this better than me but he sounded just as wrecked as I was.

“Shutup and move,” I managed to growl back, hands finding his hips as he started to rock, and this wasn’t gonna last long. “Fuck Wil that’s amazing.” There was something intoxicating about seeing Wil like this because he was confident, fucking _sexy as hell_ , one hand pulling mine from his hip and guiding me to wrap around his cock.

“ _Make me come,”_ he whispered, hoarse and dirty and _who the hell was this guy and what did he do to my best friend?_

He was gonna make _me_ fucken blow if he didn’t slow down because there was so much happening and it was all I could do to hang on, but I managed to find our rhythm, stroking him in time to my cock fucking him and I hoped he was close because I wasn’t gonna last much longer. Wil made the tiniest sound, a little whimper as he clenched up around me and I wasn’t sure if it was the extra sensation or just the sound alone that was making my balls feel so tight and then he was coming, hot come on my fingers and dripping down my hand. Every spurt was milking me, massaging my dick and the hand still on his hip was gripping tight, pulling him down to grind on me as I felt my own orgasm tear through me.

“ _Fuck_ ,” I gasped as I shuddered under him, the thought that _I just came in Wil, I just came in Wil_ echoing in my mind like some kind of chant. I felt like this changed things. Doesn’t this change things? But Wil was already climbing off me, finding my jocks on the floor and chucking them at me. I didn’t move to catch them and they landed on the bed an inch from my hand.

“We’d better clean up,” he said, and he sounded normal already, _what the fuck?_

“Why, you got somewhere to be?” I shot back, taking a second to recover but already I could feel my brain coming back online.

“Ma’ll be back soon and I’d kinda like to be dressed when she does,” he said simply, already pulling shorts on but he’d left his own underwear on the floor. “I’m gonna shower. Hang here and you can go after me.” And that was it, he was already out the door, closing it again behind him. I slowly wiped the come off my hand, and after a few long seconds I was sliding off the bed, finding my pants and pulling them on quickly. I was annoyed, and embarrassed, because we shouldn’t have done that. Wil clearly regretted it already, and I stuffed my stained underwear into my pocket before escaping, taking the stairs two at a time. By the time I was turning my keys in the ignition I wasn’t even trying to be subtle about it, and I revved the engine loudly before backing out of the drive.

Fuck feelings, I’d rather feel nothing at all if the alternative is this.

***

**13 th Jan, 10.03am in Surfers Paradise. 4 days and 4 minutes until it’s all over**

**Current mood: Of All the Gin Joints in All the World  
**

“You’re quiet this morning,” Wil commented, breaking the silence that had fallen. We’d only just been seated when Damien had disappeared with an apology as his phone rang. I could still see him outside talking to someone that involved a lot of arm-waving, and Wil was taking the opportunity to interrogate me.

“Am I?” Childish, I know, but it’s early dammit. I tapped the table with a finger, a slow smile spreading because it was so hard not to tease Wil, and I cheekily added, “Guess I just didn’t get much sleep last night.” Wil’s eyes narrowed for a moment, but instead of rising to the bait he just seemed to shake it off.

“Well don’t worry,” he said placidly. “I’m sure you’ll have plenty of chances to catch up in the future.”

“What makes you so sure?” I asked, the teasing smirk still on my face because despite the fact he’d started this, Wil was looking reluctant to throw down. “I’d be willing to bet the opposite, actually.”

“Don’t, Seb,” he said, a warning tone in his voice.

“No, seriously,” I continued breezily. “You wanna make this official? I bet I can land Damien before you do.”

“I’m not betting on this.”

“You don’t have to.” Outside Damien had finished his conversation – I could see him hang up, turning and quickly give himself a once-over in the reflective windows before heading back in. “I’m still gonna win though.”

“I’m serious about him, Seb,” Wil said, and he looked it too. “I know you’re not, so just leave him alone.”

“Maybe I am being serious, Wil, and this is just how I show it?” I countered gleefully. “Fine, spoil my fun then,” I added petulantly when that didn’t work. Wil was steadfastly ignoring me. “Not much of a competition anyway when I’ve already fucked him.” I saw Wil’s jaw clench, the only visible sign he’d heard me.

“You’re a real arsehole, Seb,” he said eventually, and in a tone too defeated to match the look in his eyes. “And one day you’re gonna need to cross one of those bridges you’ve burned.”

“Oh, Wil.” I patted him patronisingly on the cheek. He brushed my hand off impatiently and Damien was grinning at us as he came up behind Wil. “I’ll just buy a boat.”


	8. I’m Addicted To The Way You Make Me Feel (But That Doesn’t Mean I Love You)

Chapter 8: I’m Addicted To The Way You Make Me Feel (But That Doesn’t Mean I Love You)

_I love the way, I love the way  
I love the way you hurt me, baby_

– Irresistible by Fall Out Boy

 **Current Mood: Irresistible**

Despite my efforts to provoke Wil he’d been surprisingly calm so far, managing to keep Damien engaged in conversation as we waited for our food and I’d been content to mostly observe as we devoured our breakfast. 

“I was thinking about putting some of your shots up on Insta,” Wil said conversationally, and I chewed a mouthful of pancake thoughtfully as Damien stared at him, eyes wide with excitement.

“Really? I thought you might not want me on there – I’ve been checking it daily.”

“I’d never post a pic without permission,” was Wil’s serious answer, and I rolled my eyes, spearing another bite of pancake. “I’ll let you pick, if you like,” he offered, and if possible Damien’s grin grew wider.

“That’d be awesome,” he said, leaning forward in his enthusiasm. Wil had his camera on the table – he’d already snapped pics of our food when they’d arrived like a true Instagram photographer, and I saw him glance at it again now. I knew he was itching to take more pictures of Damien but he lost his chance a moment later. “Shit, I’ve gotta go,” Damien said sadly, his face falling as he checked the message lighting up his phone. “I’m on all afternoon today.”

“Need a lift?” Wil asked, and I smiled in quiet amusement. Wil might not want to admit it but he was still competing, not wasting any time either but I hid my glee behind a mouthful of breakfast, because he was being shot down already.

“Nah, I’m all good. Cody’s here to pick me up.” He was already on his feet, and I watched as he hesitated, eyes on the table in front of me. “I’ll catch ya later then, Seb?” It was so adorably awkward.

“Sure. Later, Day.” He grinned, lower lip caught in his teeth as he managed to make eye contact before he turned back to Wil.

“Bye, Wil. I’ll message you about those pics!” He was already halfway out the door.

“Yeah, bye,” Wil called, tone defeated.

“Cheer up,” I told him, watching as an old, rusty Commodore pulled up across the street and Damien hurried over to get in the passenger side. “Sounds like you’re still in the running.” Just then my phone buzzed, and I looked down at the text from Damien flashing up on the screen, _don’t forget I owe you_ and a bunch of eggplant emojis. “ _Jesus_ ,” I muttered with a quiet chuckle. _Tell me I had more game than that at eighteen._ “Or then again, maybe not,” I said, sliding the phone over so Wil could read it, a satisfied smirk on my face.

“This isn’t a sprint, Seb, it’s a marathon,” he said mildly, flicking my phone back to me disdainfully and getting to his feet.

“And here I thought you weren’t competing,” I drawled, laughing when he gave me one last withering look before walking away. “Aw, c’mon Wil.” I followed him out into the street, crossing so we could walk the short distance back to our apartment. I hung back, walking slowly as I dropped a thumbs up on Damien’s message, wondering for the first time if I was making a mistake antagonising Wil. He seemed different today – different to how I’d expected him to be anyway. I’d been expecting him to sulk, maybe take off like he had last time but instead he was throwing down. What was different this time? Surely Wil didn’t think he was actually _in love_ with Damien?

“To be honest I’m kinda surprised you’re still talking to me,” I commented, testing the waters as I hung my keys up, wondering if this was the start of a fight, but to my surprise Wil just looked up from his camera and smiled placidly at me.

“Any reason I shouldn’t be?” he asked, a neutral smile on his face and I narrowed my eyes at him.

“What’re you playing at, Amstel?” It was weird that he wasn’t freaking out on me. He’d flipped out just the other day, what was so different between now and then? I mean besides the fact that I actually had something to feel guilty about now.

“No games,” he said evenly, putting the camera aside as I flopped on the couch opposite. “How was last night?”

“Fine.” I didn’t feel even vaguely reassured by the cold smile on his face.

“Good.” He got up and left, leaving his camera on the couch and I watched him go before my attention returned to the camera, brow wrinkling as I frowned at it.

“You’re not actually mad at me, are you—?” I started to ask, but before I could finish the sound of a key in the door made us both turn to look, and the door swung open to reveal an unnaturally blonde girl pulling a bright pink snakeskin suitcase behind her.

“What the hell are you doing here?” she said, jaw dropping as she pointed at me.

“Me?” I shot back, and Wil was looking confused as he glanced between us. “What’re _you_ doing here?” She smiled then, stepping inside and sweeping her case in behind her.

“I got an internship,” she announced smugly, and I’d known Nat had finished her degree but I didn’t realise she was job-hunting already. _Fuck_ , little Nattie was a lawyer now. I’d laughed so hard when ma had told me she was studying law. At one time Nat’d been the least law-abiding person I’d known. “Auntie gave me the keys so I could save some dosh.”

“Ew. Why?” I asked, and her eyes narrowed at me.

“Not all of our mothers married fucking tycoons, _Sebastian_ ,” she said snootily, casting a suspicious eye over the apartment. I tried not to look and draw attention to it but I was worried there might still be blow on the coffee table. “Just go stay at your stupid Palace. Of the two of us you can definitely afford it, so take your party elsewhere.”

“We were here first,” I said automatically. There was a reason I wasn’t staying at the casino. Incognito was kinda hard when the management already knew your face, and here I was well and truly off the grid, just the way I liked it.

“But _I_ actually have permission,” she shot back.

“Um, can I interrupt for just one second?” Wil said, finally interjecting and when she focused on him I took the opportunity to give the living room a visual once-over. _Dammit_. No way she’d miss that, not with the residue still clinging to the smoky glass from the other day and the empty bags littering the table. It wasn’t like I could get rid of the evidence without her noticing, either. _So I guess I’m in for a nasty phone call in the future when she rats me out to ma, fan-fucking-tastic._

“Sorry my guy, I’m Seb’s cousin Nat,” she was saying, walking over to offer her hand.

“You remember Natalia,” I said, gesturing vaguely. “She used to be fun.” The smile on her face turned frosty and she dropped Wil’s hand.

“It’s _Nat_ ,” she reiterated with a hard glare tossed my way. “And those days are behind me.”

“Yeah,” I agreed nastily. “Snitchy little bitch now, aren’t cha?” Nat going clean was still a blow I felt far too keenly. I missed the old Nat.  

“I remember you, Nat. It’s Wilem, remember? From school.” Wil said over me, and she turned back to him with a dawning look of comprehension.

“Wil? No way!” Her jaw dropped as she finally recognised him. “Oh my god, look at you.” She’d grabbed him for a hug this time before pulling back to look him up and down. “Shit, you really glowed up, huh?” He grinned at her and I rolled my eyes impatiently. “What’re you doing still hanging out with this loser?” she asked, jerking a thumb over her shoulder at me.

“Shooting the coast, making some money. We’re not just wasting our time,” he said, neatly sidestepping her actual question.  

“ _We_?” she asked, eyebrow raised as she looked over at me. “You can’t tell me _Sebastian’s_ doing anything productive – I don’t believe you.” Wil was looking at me now too, a crooked grin on his face and I didn’t like where this was going.

“Well believe this – we’re not leaving,” I said firmly, folding my arms at her and shooting Wil a silent glare to _shut the fuck up_. “You can sleep on the couch or get out.”

“Gee, thanks,” she said sarcastically, stalking back over and inspecting it. “It’s at least a sofa bed, right?”

“Dunno, don’t care,” I said with a shrug. She narrowed her eyes again, looking past me to my bedroom door, then turning to the second bedroom, the one Wil was occupying.

“You don’t both need your own rooms, do you?” I didn’t like her tone, or the hopeful gleam in her eye.

“Yes, we do,” I said firmly, cutting of whatever Wil had just opened his mouth to say, because it looked like it might’ve been something to the contrary. “How long are we putting up with you, anyway?”

“’bout two months.” She’d already made herself at home, feet on the coffee table and eyes closed as she slouched down on the couch. I pushed her feet off and she opened one eye to glare at me. “I got in at Schuster’s.”

“Well enjoy fetching coffee for eight weeks.” I flopped down in the sofa crease, watching as Wil moved silently around the kitchen. “Keep your dirty feet off the furniture and try not to get in our way.”

“I don’t start until next week,” she said. “I’ll hang out with you guys until then.”

“Absolutely not.”

“Why not?” She sat up, eyes sparkling as she looked over at Wil. “You can show me what you guys’ve been doing all summer.” It was a trick. She just wanted an admission I’d been blowing everything off since December.

“It’s nothing exciting,” Wil told her from the kitchen. “To be honest I’ve mostly been doing studio shots.” Inwardly I groaned. Natalia’s ego was the size of a small moon. She’d be all over Wil for a session, I just knew it.

“I’d love for you to shoot me,” she said, the excitement in her voice obvious. _Called it_.

“I’d love to shoot you,” I deadpanned, and she reached over to thump me. “Ow.” I glared at her, rubbing my arm where it was going dead.

“Maybe later,” Wil said, smiling at us over a bottle of cider.

I tuned them out after that. Nat’s invasion wasn’t welcome, but it’d had the benefit of distracting Wil because as they laughed and joked and reminisced about old times he’d forgotten to be mad at me. Something told me I should probably keep her away from Eden though, and people who knew too much about me these days. There was little I could do about Wil but he’d be in just as much shit as me if the truth came out so I wasn’t too worried about him talking. This was good though, Nat seemed to be getting Wil to loosen up a bit, and the thought of finally having some fun was appealing. There were other clubs in Surfers besides Eden we could hit up, and I wondered if Nat would be up for it tonight. The old Nat would’ve for sure, and I found myself wondering if this new, blonder version of my cousin might still be any fun.

***

**13 th Jan, 2.57pm, Surfers Paradise. 3 days 19 hours and 10 minutes until ** **everything changes forever**

“Hey Seb. Nice ring,” Nat commented, and I heard Wil stifling a laugh as I self-consciously rubbed my thumb over the silver band still stuck on my little finger.

“Hey Nat? Go fuck yourself.”

“Nice,” she stated, rolling her eyes but far from being deterred she was leaning over the back of the couch now, elbows on the leather, eyes narrowing at me. “So how come you’re not at uni?” I ignored the question, but she wasn’t ready to give up yet. “Seb?” She leaned closer still, reaching down to poke me in the shoulder and I shifted out of the way of her blunt nails, eyelids shuttering as the bright afternoon light glinted off her platinum hair.

“How come you’re blonde now?” I asked instead of answering her question. I had no idea how much my cousin might’ve changed – it’d been years since we’d seen each other – but I doubted she’d lost her vanity and getting her distracted talking about herself had always been the easiest way to control her.

“Coz we have more fun,” she said with a wicked grin, flipping her long hair over her shoulder. “Plus chicks totally dig it – do you have any idea how often I’m stopped and told _oh my god I love your haiiirrr_.” She put on the voice, batting her eyelashes as she cooed.

“Well you look like a flake.”

“Shut up, I don’t wanna hear that from someone who can’t even finish a freakin’ business degree,” she said with a dismissive wave. “That should’ve taken you like three years, tops.”

“Actually, Seb’s—“ Wil piped up from the kitchen, but at a look from me he shut his mouth again.

“Seb’s what?” Nat asked, standing up to face him.

“Not doing too badly considering we started late,” he finished meekly, palm flat on the fridge door to push it closed. 

“That’s right – I forgot you guys had that gap year.” She turned a pout on me. “Lucky bastards.”

“You could’ve too,” I informed her, but she didn’t look convinced.

“Nah, I reckon you wore out all the rellies. Besides,” she said, a frown creasing her forehead, “It’s different for girls. I don’t have the same freedom over there.” She’d know I guess. Nat was full-Italian, and unlike me she’d grown up there. She’d only moved to Australia at ten years old. Ma had decided one day she absolutely needed her sister nearby, and she twisted dad’s arm until he bankrolled bringing them all over. Strangely enough, this was not long after dad started coming home from work much later. I didn’t see the connection at the time but it hadn’t taken long to work it out.

“Sucks to be you then,” I said, feeling limited sympathy, but she was indifferent to my jabs.  

“I can assure you it most definitely doesn’t.” She looked around, scanning the apartment before heaving a theatrical sigh. “So what _do_ you guys do for fun around here?”

“We work on our hangovers,” Wil said handing her a drink with a wry smile.

“Fantastic.” She eyed the bottle before giving in with a shrug. “I suppose I’m not a productive member of society yet anyway, what’s a little day drinking gonna hurt?”

“That’s the spirit,” I told her, sitting up as Wil passed me drink as well. I raised an eyebrow at him, watching him twist off the top and take a swig before shooting me a smile. “Cheers.”

 ***

**7 years ago, Seb’s bedroom, the Sunshine Coast house**

“Ok, so Mikey wasn’t a _total_ bust,” Nat called out by way of greeting, sweeping into my room and almost missing the chair as she plonked down in front of my computer. “Coz he’s all out but his mate Andy hooked me up – you gotta get in on this shit Seb it’s fucken _lit_.” I’d sat up when she burst in and now I slid off my bed to close the door behind her. Even though my mother was home she probably couldn’t hear us from here but there was no point in tempting fate with a wide-open door.

“So no weed?” I asked, and Nat shook her head at me, grinning stupidly.

“No, _Seberino_ , no _fucking herbs_ I got us some real shit aren’t you listening?” I was listening but she was blitzed on something and even though she was stringing together sentences like a champ I still didn’t know what it was.

“Where is it, then?” I asked, taking a seat on the bed as she clumsily palmed down the strap of her bag.

“Here,” she said, almost losing her balance as her bag slipped off her shoulder and I jumped up to catch her. She leant against me, giggling uncontrollably and I blew out and annoyed breath. There was nothing more frustrating than being sober around your high-as-balls friends.

“Jeez, come sit down before you hurt yourself,” I said, pulling her to her feet and kicking the rolling chair out of the way as I helped her over to the bed. She collapsed face-first as soon as I let her go.

“You gotta – gotta try – _mmh thisissosoft_ …” she mumbled. She’d clawed at my pillow until it was wedged under her head and I rolled my eyes at her.

“There’s no way you’re going to the party like this,” I said, a touch of bitterness in my voice because I’d been looking forward to tonight all week. Anna’s parents had fucked off to Fiji for two weeks, very unwisely leaving their about-to-turn-seventeen daughter home alone and she’d been hyping up an epic birthday-slash-house party all month. My personal checklist for this evening had been Get Stoned, Get Drunk, Fuck Anyone Who Wasn’t Annalise. Or maybe not _anyone_ , but… I shook that train of thought off. Needless to say, I wasn’t exactly thrilled with this first bump in the road. “Jesus Nat, why’s there so much shit in your bag?” I was staring down in confusion as I unzipped it to open it wide - she had half a dozen little bags that looked like pencil cases, but each one I opened turned out to contain makeup. _Very useful in a school bag,_ I thought sarcastically – and there were balled up bits of paper, her phone and a bunch of loose pens at the bottom but nothing that looked like drugs. “What am I even looking for?” I asked in exasperation, and she pried one eye open to look back at me.

“Hmm?”

 _One…two…three_ , I thought sarcastically but I didn’t bother going to ten.

“What did you get from Mike?” _Or whoever it was_ , I thought when she started to shake her head. “C’mon Nat, what’d you spend my money on?” She was sitting up slowly, still looking unsteady and it reaffirmed my decision that there was no way she was going out tonight. Not with the way her skirt was riding up her thighs as she kneeled on the bed.

“Metha – meth am. Fuck, how’d you say it?” she mumbled, reaching out a hand for her bag. I reluctantly moved over to put it in front of her. “Dees things,” she mumbled, somehow managing to extract the one pink case I hadn’t pawed through and a tiny ziplock bag of capsules landed on the bed.

“ _Shit_ ,” I whispered reverently, picking it up to examine it more closely. “Shit,” I said again, because I felt the occasion warranted it. “You got fucking MDMA.” I turned a grin on her. “Nat, you fucken _legend._ ” I’d been wanting to get my hands on better drugs for ages, not that I didn’t love getting stoned but Nat was right – this was a real drug, oh fuck this was gonna be _awesome_. The only thing bothering me now was how she’d paid for it, because a quick count showed I had five caps, plus whatever Nat was currently on because I doubted that’d been free, and that must’ve been a helluva lot more than the hundred bucks I’d sent her off with to stock up on green for the weekend. “Nat?” I asked, already pulling open the bag because fucked if I wasn’t gonna get in on this action. “How’d you pay for this?”

“I had a bit on me, owe ‘im the rest,” she said vaguely, and I hesitated for a moment.

“How much?” I was sure I’d have the money, but it was good to know what something was worth before you racked up the debt. Maybe it wasn’t worth it?

“’nother hungie. And he wants a favour.” Only a hundred? That couldn’t be right. And something else didn’t feel right.

“A favour, you say?” I asked, and she smiled dreamily, arms wrapped around herself.

“Mm hmm.” Her eyes slid shut. “Andy wants ta bang your girlfriend,” she said, eyelids fluttering open and her eyes seemed to focus on me. “Shit. That’s not cool, is it?” she asked in a moment of clarity, but already a plan was forming in my mind. I wanted to be done with Anna anyway, and this seemed like an easy way to deal with it.

“Nah, it’s cool,” I said evenly, reaching for the can of pepsi on my desk to swallow the pill with. It took a few tries to get it down – the buoyancy of the capsule combined with the fizziness of the drink was a killer combination, but I managed on the third swallow. “So you got this dude’s number or what?”

Everything was falling into place – all the threads coming together – and I was pretty sure tonight was going to be epic.


	9. Money Can Buy Happiness And It Comes In A Gram Bag

Chapter 9: Money Can Buy Happiness And It Comes In A Gram Bag

 

 _Oh, my friends all lie and say_  
_They only want the best wishes for me_  
_Oh, 3-2-1 - we go live_  
  
_Oh baby, you're a classic  
Like a little black dress_  
_You're a faded moon_  
_Stuck on a little hot mess_  
_And oh baby, you're a classic_  
_Like a little black dress_  
_But you'll be faded soon_  
_Stuck on a little hot mes_ s

– Tiffany Blews by Fall Out Boy

**7 years ago, still in Seb’s bedroom and feeling _fine_**

Turned out Nat _didn’t_ have Andy’s number – she’d told him we’d catch him at Anna’s later. I’d been annoyed at first, trying to deal with high-as-a-kite Nat but after about half an hour of feeling like they were a bust on me I’d finally felt it hit. Now everything was awesome because MDMA was turning out to be everything I’d hoped it would be and more.

“Ok, hang on,” she said, and I willed my fingers to tighten on hers, watching as my hands curled tighter a few seconds later to hang on. Nat and I were sitting cross-legged on my bed, knees touching and hands clasped between us, and every time she lifted our hands I felt like my arms could just fly off. At the back of my mind was the thought that that should have been scary but it wasn’t – it just felt really fucking cool.

“Woah.” She was doing a kind of Mexican wave now, giggling as our arms waved until she lost the rhythm and dropped my hands.

“Your turn,” she said, shuffling back and sliding her hands out of my loosened grip. We’d been taking it in turns to suggest things to do with our heightened awareness and I dragged my palms over my knees as I tried to think of something else that would feel good.

“Really wanna fuck on this stuff,” I muttered, and at Nat’s loud _eww_ I reached over to palm down her face. “Not _you_ ,” I said indignantly. “ _Gross_.” But she knew that already. She’d drawn her knees up, arms locking around them to rock slowly.

“Yeah, know wotcha mean though,” she said, a dreamy expression on her face. “Bet it feels fucken amazeballs.”

“Whad d _’you_ know about balls?” I asked with mock seriousness, and that set us both off giggling.

“Definitely not more than you,” she said between giggles. “And I’m not just sayin’ that coz you got a pair.” I waited for her to elaborate, but she was taking her sweet arse time. “Got a hard-on for Wil, haven’t cha?” I could feel myself grinning, my expression mirrored on Nat’s face. “I’m right, hey? You totes wanna hit that.”

“Nope,” I announced, which was a lie, because I totally wanted to hit that, and besides I was already kinda hitting that. Wil and I had a bit of a history of getting off together, although not nearly as often as I would’ve liked, and we’d only gone all the way once. We’d actually kinda hooked up just yesterday too, but that’d been the first time since I’d started dating Anna he’d let me near him. Not that I was about to admit any of this to Nat. She’d had a lucky guess – that didn’t mean she deserved to know everything.

“You sure?” she needled, and I shook my head at her, face hurting from smiling too much.

“I’m sure you’re crazy,” I told her firmly, but I didn’t really care if she believed me or not. She was crawling closer looking mischievous and I tried to duck out of the way, failing epically as she landed in my lap.

“My gaydar is never wrong, cuz,” she said sagely, reaching up to pat my cheek and managing even in her state to make it patronising. I opened my mouth to argue but just then the door swung open and I turned to look, the fleeting panic of _oh shit, ma_ fading without ever showing on my face as Wil appeared. “Speak of the devil…” Nat turned a wicked look on him as I pushed her clumsily away.

“Hey.” I grinned up at him, trying to twist to face him fully and over-balancing so that I tumbled back into the wall. To my right Nat collapsed in giggles and I shuffled around so that the wall was holding me upright. “Wil, you gotta try the – the…“ I trailed off, unable to remember what we were on and Wil sounded concerned as he came closer.

“You guys ok? You look wrecked,” he said with a dubious look on his face, but it just made him look even cuter and I reached out and caught his arm, pulling him down on the bed with us.

“Awesome,” I replied, still reaching out and grabbing at his shirt as I tried to get him closer. “Fucken awesome, everything’s—“ I didn’t know what everything was so I stopped abruptly again.

“Awesome?” Wil supplied helpfully, a grin already tugging at his lips as I kept tugging on his arm until he settled on the bed next to me.

“Yeah.” I tried to crawl onto his lap but his hands held my arms to steady me, holding me back. “ _God_ I wanna kiss you,” I heard myself say, and I was leaning closer before he could answer, his grip faltering and I could feel Wil’s lips on mine, or mine on his, sending tingles down my spine before a shrill voice broke through.

“I fucken _knew it_!” Nat said, and I felt a hand slap on my shoulder. “You’re gay for Wil, you _liar_.” I grinned at the accusation but didn’t pull away, tongue licking messily into Wil’s mouth before hands on my shoulders gently rocked me back. Yep, I definitely wanted to fuck on this. That felt _amazing_. Wil had one hand planted firmly on my chest to keep me at arm’s length, the other hand on my shoulder and it was the only thing keeping me from toppling backwards onto the floor.

“He’s not gay, he’s bi,” Wil explained in his patient voice. “We’ve kissed before.” I rocked on his lap, an evil grin spreading over my features as I noticed the blush creeping up Wil’s neck.

“That’s not _all_ we’ve done.” Wil was calmly trying to extract himself from my embrace but he wasn’t having much luck.

“He doesn’t kiss other boys though, does he?” Nat asked thoughtfully, and I felt a flicker of annoyance at how coherent she sounded. She was supposed to be as wasted as I was, and I was having a hard time sitting upright.

“I can kiss anyone I want,” I insisted hotly, my eyes falling on Wil again as he nodded along.

“And don’t we know it,” he said flatly. “So I guess we’re not going out tonight.” I shook my head, and while I was distracted he tried to duck out of the way. No such luck, Wil. I had a grip on his shirt and when he dumped me off his lap I just yanked him down on top of me.  

“We’re still goin’,” I said, a little breathless because Wil wasn’t exactly light and he was crushing me into the mattress. I kinda liked it. He was sitting up already and I pouted before slowly sitting back up again. “Can’t miss Anna-fucking-Mendes big fucking night, hey?” My announcement was met with a confused look from Wil and grinning approval from Nat. “We’ve got a plan,” I said, and Nat laughed at the reminder.

“Seb’s dumping Anna,” she explained, and Wil was looking more confused than ever.

“Wait, what?” Wil asked, and he was glancing between Nat and I. “Since when? Why?”

“Coz,” she said confidently. “Seb’s sick of her shit, isn’t that right, cuz?” I nodded as she tried to nudge me, but her elbow sailed harmlessly by.

“I don’t think you should be doing _anything_ right now,” Wil said sensibly. “I doubt you’re thinking straight.”

“Oooh, none of us are thinking straight, honey.” Nat was giggling and when I caught her eye I was giggling too. Wil didn’t seem to find it funny, he was still frowning at us. “Now I get it – why Seb’s so keen to ditch the Virgin Queen,” Nat said, pausing to turn a wicked grin on me and I could practically _see_ the wheels turning. “Seb?” she called sweetly. “So if it’s not _just kissing,”_ I stuck my tongue out at the emphasis and she giggled again before she could finish asking, “what else are you doing with Wil?”

“Nothing,” Wil said quickly, and he’d retreated to the safety of the computer chair, eyeing me warily from a distance as Nat looked between us for a reaction. 

“Dunno what you’d call it,” I said, a light frown creasing my forehead as I thought. “I’m not sure you could call it sex but – well what exactly _is_ sex, anyway?” I turned a look on Nat. “Define “sex”,” I demanded, finger waving as I held out an arm to point at her.

“Hmm,” she said slowly, considering it as Wil’s face continued to turn scarlet. “Well obviously _I_ don’t think you need penetration to count,” she said thoughtfully, and I nodded along. Nat was into girls, and I’d asked out of curiosity how that worked once. It was a conversation I would never forget, and I was pretty sure it’d upped my oral game – not that I’d ever tell her that. “I think,” she said slowly, one finger on her chin as she spoke, “That if you’re both invested in getting each other off, that counts as sex.” I darted a look to Wil that she didn’t miss. “So, dear cuz,” she said, clumsily moving closer. “Anything to confess?”

“It doesn’t mean anything,” Wil said before I could answer, and we both turned to watch as he told the floor his opinion. “I don’t count it as sex,” he insisted. “And I don’t think it’s cheating exactly either. It’s assisted masturbation if anything.” I didn’t want to admit how much that stung. Didn’t he remember coming in my hand with my tongue in his mouth? Because that literally happened _yesterday_. And then I’d licked my fingers clean when he’d pushed me down to suck me off in return – I’d actually _called his name_ when I came – who’d he think he was kidding? Assisted masturbation my fucking _arse_.

“Aww, don’t feel bad Wil,” Nat said, getting up and stumbling over to him. Nat draped herself over him, chin resting on his shoulder as her eyes slid closed. “Anna’s a bitch – Seb hates her anyway.” I wasn’t watching them when I heard Wil’s soft, “ _Don’t say that.”_ I’d shut my own eyes, too much happening now for my brain to keep up with everything.

“We should go,” I said, eyes still closed as I waited for Wil’s excuses and Nat’s enthusiastic agreement to subside. “Drive us?” I asked Wil, peeking out from lowered lids at where Wil was being tugged to his feet by Nat.

“This is not a good idea,” he warned, but Nat was already flinging open my bedroom door.

“It’s the _best_ idea,” I corrected, tripping over to him and there was that old familiar kick drum beating in my chest again when he reached out to steady me. His hand was brushing up my side and I stepped into the touch, reaching out to touch him too as I blinked slowly, bringing his face into focus. I was trying to remember my big plan for tonight. I think I needed to see Anna first. Nat was gonna play wingman for what’s-his-face – our hook up – and then I’d be free to hit up who I really wanted to sleep with this weekend.

“Seb, you ok mate?” I focused back in on Wil’s voice and when I realised how close he was a dreamy smile spread over my face.

“Hey,” I said, like a space cadet, but he was smiling.

“Hey,” he said back, smile softening and it was making my knees weak. And my dick hard. Wil definitely needed to be rolling like I was right now. 

“Oh my god _just fuck already_ ,” Nat screeched from somewhere behind me. I twisted around to see she’d grabbed her bag to sling it over her shoulder before turning to sit on the bed.

“Get outta my room then – this isn’t a spectator’s sport,” I shot back, and Nat slapped a hand over her mouth to stifle a laugh as Wil jumped away from me like he’d been burned.

“ _Jesus_ , Seb,” she choked out. “I didn’t mean right now,” but I was ignoring her, making a grab for Wil’s arm before he could run away but I was lacking the coordination to hold on.

“Later then, gotta get—“ I cut off as I lost my balance, tripping over my own feet but Wil caught me under the arms, hauling me back up again and everything felt great, and funny, and I could hear myself giggling but I couldn’t stop.

“ _Sebastiano_?” My mother’s voice called loudly up the stairs and that was enough to silence me. “Are you up there?”

“ _Shit_.” Wil swore softly before turning to Nat. “Can you distract her? She’ll kill him if she sees him like this,” he said, indicating me with a nod of his head and I would’ve had something to say about that except I still felt dizzy, and it was hard enough to stand up straight until he pulled my arm around his shoulders to take more of my weight.

“You guys owe me,” she said, sliding with surprising grace off the bed to lean out the door. “He’s gone out, _zia_ ,” she yelled, and I winced as her voice bounced back at us.

“Ok, I’m off then. Lock up if you’re leaving, _Nattie_!” Why did they always have to shout? I was glad I’d missed out on the inability-to-use-an-indoor-voice gene.

“Will do, have fun!” Nat yelled back before turning, swinging on the door handle as the unmistakable sound of the front door closing floated back to us. “Coast is clear,” she said, grinning wide. “So are we going to this party or what?”

***

**13 th Jan, 7.23pm, Surfers Paradise. 3 days 14 hours and 44 minutes until catastrophe**

**Current mood: Tiffany Blews  
**

“Oooh, I _love_ these ones,” she said, pointing to the screen and Wil stopped fucking around on his phone for five seconds to lean closer and look.

“Yeah, that was fun,” he said disinterestedly, attention already back on the screen in his hands. What the fuck was he doing? He’d been on his phone all afternoon.

“Do you reckon you could do me like this?” I got up from the couch, rolling my eyes at the both of them. I needed another drink if I was gonna sit here and listen to this.

“Sure can,” he said confidently, and this time he didn’t even bother looking up. “I’ve got time next week if you want.”

“That’d be awesome,” she breathed excitedly, eyes glued to the screen and I detoured past to check what she was going all heart-eyes for. Girls in lingerie, _I should’ve known_.

“Ditching Damien to shoot someone else semi-naked, won’t he be jealous?” I asked from the kitchen, earning a puzzled look from Nat but nothing I’d said so far today had managed to provoke him. It seemed this was no different.

“It’s a job, Seb,” he said evenly. Honestly, at the rate I kept rolling my eyes I was gonna strain something.

“It’s an enthusiastic hobby, you mean,” I corrected, flopping down on the couch with another drink in hand.

“Actually, considering I’m forking over money for this, it technically _is_ a job,” Nat supplied unhelpfully, and I groaned as she slapped me on the thigh. “How much did you shell out for this one?” she asked, leaning over to hold the tablet in my face and I reached out to steady it, focusing on a pic of me Wil had taken the first night we’d got to Surfers. Wil had insisted on decorating for Christmas and in the process I’d somehow ended up wrapped in lights and missing most of my clothes – _Happy kinky bondage Christmas, everyone_. I reached out to push the tablet back at her.

“Nothing,” I said, eyes closing as I shifted to get comfortable. “I’m his muse.”

“You’re a loony,” Nat said, but Wil didn’t deny it. He did get up from the couch though, phone in hand.

“We’re you going?” I called after him, and he raised a silent hand overhead, heading for his room. Nat was back to browsing, flicking through image after image with a half-smile on her face.

“You’re actually on here a lot.”

“Told ya. Muse,” I mumbled, almost feeling like I could go back to sleep. Maybe when I finished this drink I would. I’d got up way too early today.

“I’m going out,” Wil announced suddenly, and I cracked an eye open to see him pick up his camera bag, slinging it over one shoulder. “Might be a while.”

“Kinda late for errands, isn’t it?” I asked, not really caring but the way Wil’s back went a little straighter was interesting. I noticed he didn’t argue the point.

“Did you want this back?” Nat was holding out the tablet but she looked reluctant to let it go. There was another scantily-clad girl that looked a lot like our uni-friend Sienna on the screen and Nat seemed _invested_.

“Nah, you can hang onto it.” He’d snagged his keys off the hook, fingers curling around them to silence the tinkling. “I might be out for a while,” he called, and I acknowledged it with a grunt, earning a toe-poke from Nat.

“No worries, babe, we’ll mind the house,” she said, and I could feel her eyes on me as I shifted to get more comfortable.

“What?” I snapped eventually, opening an eye again to see she was still watching me, her eyes narrowed in suspicion.

“Nothin’,” she said unconvincingly, dragging her attention back to Wil’s Instagram. “Thought you might’ve grown up by now but you’re still just a little shit, aren’t cha?”

“Take it or leave it, Nat,” I told her irritably. “No one asked you to stay.”

“Something tells me this’s where the action is, though,” she mused, pausing before she added, “So what’s this Eden place everyone’s talking about?”

_Damnit._

“It’s nothing.”

“Sure thing, cuz,” she said placidly. “Let’s go tonight, say about eleven?”

_God-fucking-damnit._

“Yeah,” I said, equally defeated and annoyed as I parroted the phrase back at her. “Sure thing, cuz.”

***

I wasn’t stoked about letting Nat loose at Eden, but I’d just got up from the power nap of the century and I couldn’t get the idea out of my head. Blowing off steam at Eden just sounded so appealing, and the fact that Wil still wasn’t home yet even though it’d been hours was grating on me. By quarter to eleven I was just starting to entertain the thought of calling him but before I had to put it into action the front door opened.

“Nat wants to hit up Eden tonight,” I called out in lieu of a greeting as Wil hung up his keys.  

“Have fun then,” was his lacklustre reply. The bottle clinked as he sloshed a decent amount of whisky into a glass and he was en route for his bedroom before Nat waylaid him.  

“But Wil, you gotta come with!” Nat had latched onto the arm not busy holding alcohol, giving him an imploring look. “Seb fucks with my chi – girls always pick up on his fuckboy-vibes.”

“Hey!” I objected to the casual insult but she didn’t even spare me a glance.

“So you’ll come, right? Be my wingman?” she pleaded, turning the big eyes on him and I stayed silent, watching the look on Wil’s face as he slowly gave in to her needling.

“Sure, whatever,” he said without enthusiasm. “I guess it doesn’t matter where I drink.”

“That’s the spirit,” Nat agreed cheerfully, slapping him on the back before she jumped up to start rifling through her suitcase. “Good thing I planned for partying.” She extracted a slinky gold scrap of fabric and tossed it over her shoulder, still pawing through her luggage. “I’ll be ready in like fifteen minutes, I swear,” she said, tossing the hollow promise over her shoulder on the way to the bathroom.

“What’s wrong with you, princess?” I asked, shooting Wil a curious look because he’d just taken a long swig from his glass, the level already noticeably lower. _Calm down drama queen._

“Not in the mood, Seb,” he said on a sigh, and my lip curled in a smirk.  

“Clearly. _Someone_ needs to get laid.”

“I mean it – just back the fuck off,” he snapped, and I watch him curiously as he gulped down more of his drink.  

“Alright, jeez,” I said, hands up defensively but he was ignoring me now, taking the rest of his drink to his room, and I was wondering as the door slammed shut behind him what could’ve happened in the last few hours to put him in such a bad mood.

***

Nat disappeared for a record-breaking thirty minutes – I’d been expecting her to take an hour at least, and soon after that all three of us were riding the elevator down to the garage. Wil had changed too and I had to say I was a _huge_ fan of the ripped skin-tight jeans emo-aesthetic he’d gone for tonight. Too bad he was still ignoring me.

“Can I drive the Lotus?” Nat asked, brimming with enthusiasm, and both Wil and I replied at the same time so that our combined _No!_ echoed off the concrete walls. She laughed and skipped over to it anyway, fingers skimming over the low roof and probably putting fingerprints all over the paint.

“We’re not taking my car – it’s a two-seater, idiot,” I chastised, and she stuck her tongue out at me.

“So who’s driving what then?” she asked, foot tapping impatiently as she scanned the nearby cars.

“Wil’s driving his car,” Wil drawled, and she spun around as the lights flashed, jaw dropping as she took in the sleek black Rx7, Wil’s pride and joy. Seriously, I think the only thing in the world he loves more is his damn camera.

“Wow, me likey, Wil.” I saw him smile to himself and I let him have his moment. It was rare next to the Lotus.

“You right to drive?” I asked as he opened the driver’s side door, and I didn’t think I deserved the patronising look he gave me over the roof.

“Nice try. You’re not touching my baby.”

“Oh, Wil.” I shook my head at him mockingly, unable to repress a grin. “Enjoy your DUI, then.”

“I will,” he said petulantly, and I chuckled quietly as I tilted the seat forward for Nat to climb into the back. “After you, m’lady,” I said, gesturing at the space as she gave me a dubious look.

“Can’t you sit in the back?” she asked, one hand on her hip.

“Not on your life. Get in or walk,” I told her, and she huffed a sigh but complied.

“Don’t blame me if you see something you don’t wanna,” she grumbled, and I deliberately averted my gaze, staring at the garage roof until she was safely in the car because “short” didn’t even come close to describing the tiny dress she’d painted on.

“Nice knickers,” Wil commented with a grin, and Nat leaned between the seats to slap him playfully on the shoulder.

“Very funny, Wil, I’m not wearing any,” she said, just as I pulled my door shut.

“Jesus, Nat, can you not whore-up the place for five minutes?”

“What? Like you don’t every day already?” she shot back, rolling her eyes. “Learn how to take a joke, _god_.”

“Play nice, children,” Wil said with forced patience, and the engine roared to life, loudly echoing in the enclosed space.

“Sorry, Wil,” Nat said with faux-humility, but her slight smile quickly turned to a laugh as I added,

“Yes, daddy.”

“Shut the fuck up, Seb,” he grumbled, and it might’ve been a faint flush in his cheeks, or maybe it was just the red glow of the brake lights reflecting back from the mirror.

I hadn’t been kidding when I offered to drive, either. It wasn’t like Wil was drunk, but I’d watched him put away a second drink while Nat was putting her face on and he was definitely buzzing. He might’ve been showing off a little for Nat’s sake too, because the way he tore up the ramp to street level wasn’t nearly as sedate as his usual MO. The engine whined as he opened it up on the road and he didn’t hit the brakes until we were right on top of the corner.

“Woah, slow down!” Nat called from the back seat as we screamed around the bend, and I didn’t want to admit it as we accelerated out of it that I’d been _this close_ to grabbing the safety handle myself.

“Wil knows how to handle it,” I told her instead, but a shoulder check confirmed she looked less than reassured, eyes wide as the acceleration pushed her back into the seat.

“Can you handle me throwing up everywhere?” she shot back petulantly, and Wil backed off, blow off value stuttering and reminding me again just how sexy confident Wil was.

“That better, Nat?” he asked, and I saw his eyes flick to the rear-view mirror.

“Yeah, thanks.” She shot him a grateful smile, and I ignored them both to look out the window. I loved this city at night. It was colourful and vibrant, just the right kinda vibes for a good time but Wil wasn’t giving us much time to appreciate the scenery. The short drive was made even shorter as Wil gunned it through a second set of yellow lights, and soon we were piling out in yet another underground carpark. I held the seat for Nat again as she crawled out of the backseat, self-consciously tugging the hem of her dress lower and arranging the gold chain of her tiny purse over her shoulder.

“So this’s the infamous Eden, huh?” Nat said, curious eyes taking in everything as we rode the elevator up to ground level, and the doors opened on a wide, carpeted lounge dotted with soft loveseats and potted palms. We could hear the music from here, a pulse in the air-conditioned air that promised fun and mischief, and I waved a dismissive hand at her as she gaped at the plush furnishings.

“Try not to look too impressed – you’re ruining our rep.” To my surprise instead of a retort she turned a wicked grin on me, stepping between Wil and I and linking arms as we made our way to the main doors, flanked by men in black who’d already recognised us judging by the nods we’d just got.

“I suggest you be a little nicer to me, dearest cousin of mine,” she said in a syrupy voice. “You wouldn’t want me to have to tell your mama anything _bad_ now, would you?” I tugged my arm free impatiently, but far from looking put out, she just readjusted to cling to Wil. “I mean I’d just _hate_ to have to tell her how you’re bumming around here instead of, y’know, actually finishing uni.” _God damn her_.

“Whaddya want, _Natalia_?” Her frown was back for a moment as we paused outside the mirrored doors, but she fixed a bright smile on her face again, watching me through the reflection.

“I wanna have a good week, before intern hell starts. Think you can manage that?” If she doubted me as much as her tone suggested then she clearly didn’t remember who she was dealing with.

“Nat, stick with me and I promise you, you’re gonna have the time of your life.” The doors opened for us and the music spilled out, a sea of coloured lights washing over the crowd already in the throes of dancing. Nat let go of Wil to catch up to me, and I slung an arm around her shoulders and gave her a grin she was returning. I was heading for the bar, already feeling good about tonight because it’d been years since I’d partied with Nat and I fucking missed her. A tap on my shoulder turned out to be Wil, trying to warn me we’d walked right up to Anna’s entourage, but it was already too late – she’d spotted us.

“Hey Seb!” someone called out cheerfully, and I acknowledged the greeting with a wave as curious glances fell on Nat.

“Seb, gracing us with your presence tonight?” Anna asked, and to the uninitiated it sounded coy, but as I turned to face her I could see the hard glint in her eyes. She clearly didn’t feel like dealing with us tonight which was fair enough. I never felt like dealing with her. But it’d been a while since I’d last felt like taking the fight to Annalise, and something about having Nat around was dredging up old memories. I almost felt invincible as I met her steady gaze.

“I was feeling nostalgic. You remember Nat?” I called back loudly, drawing the attention of everyone in earshot which to be honest wasn’t many. It was fucking loud downstairs. She frowned, lips pursed as her gaze swept over us, Wil having stepped up to flank Nat.

“Of course,” she said, a cold smile on her lips. “It’s been years, Natalia. How was rehab?” All eyes focused on Nat but the insult slid off her like water off a duck’s back.

“Mmh? Oh, a blast, best three months of my life.” She paused knowingly, looking smug as she added, “You should really try it some time.” There was a smattering of laughter as Anna’s face flushed an angry red, but before anything could escalate Olivia swept in to defuse the situation.

“C’mon, Anna, you know better than to antagonise Seb…” The rest of her sentence was lost as she pulled Anna back, still whispering in her ear but it was doing little to calm the anger flashing in her eyes.

“Now I know I’d remember _you_ – we _definitely_ haven’t met,” Nat said, stepping out from under my arm as she chased them. “I’m Nat.” To my surprise she was holding out a hand to a confused-looking Olivia, who after a moment took it hesitantly.

“Liv,” she said quickly, and dropped her hand like she’d only just realised what she was doing.

“You should come see us upstairs later, Liv.” I saw Nat wink and had to resist the urge to roll my eyes because I wasn’t worried. If Nat thought Liv would have anything to do with her after Anna spilled everything she was greatly mistaken, so I was considering my secrets safe. “Later, lovelies.” With a final wave from Nat and a sneer from me, we left. Wil was just shaking his head at the both of us.

“That was dumb,” he said, giving us both a light cuff on the head. “Why’d you have to throw down with Anna?”

“She started it,” I grumbled, and to my surprise Wil graced me with a grin.

“What are you, five?” he joked, and I had half a dozen retorts on the tip of my tongue but honestly I was so glad he wasn’t moping around anymore that I let it slide. Nat pursed her lips, deeply distracted and ignoring us, still glancing back over her shoulder as the group disappeared behind a wall of other club goers.

“C’mon guys,” she said suddenly, a wicked grin lighting up her face. “I wanna dance.”

***

We danced, then hit the bar for a few rounds of shots that sent me straight into orbit, then it was back to the dance floor and the concept of _personal space_ seemed to vanish. _This must be what it feels like to get the band back together_ , I thought, my head a jumbled mess as I caught Wil’s eye over Nat’s head and grinned. I felt sixteen again – irresponsibly drunk and living in the moment, and the best part was Wil wasn’t being a standoffish bitch anymore.

“Upstairs?” Nat yelled, but I was reading her lips, coupled with the pointing gesture, because it was way too loud in our spot by the stacks to hear anything. I nodded and tapped Wil, grabbing a handful of his shirt to pull him after us. Nat had already ducked under my arm to move through the crowd and we stumbled in her wake, dodging other dancers as we headed for the stairs. Nat was nowhere to be seen by the time we reached the edge of the dance floor and I peered around until I spotted her now-familiar blonde head bent towards Liv, her hand cupped to her ear as she told her something that had a spot of colour staining Liv’s cheeks.

“Long time no see!” I turned more at the touch on my shoulder than the greeting, because the music was still near-deafening but I grinned when I recognised Cal. His arm had hooked around my neck, tugging me away from Wil as lips pressed close enough to my ear for me to hear. “Where’s your newest acquisition?”

“Not here, obviously.” I’d had to cup a hand to his ear to reply and I caught the irked look on Wil’s face.

“Too bad,” he said, grinning when he spotted Wil too, and he gave me a conspiratorial wink before nodding over at the floor. “Dance with me?” His arm was still around my shoulders and I leaned into the slow, seductive grind of his hips for a moment, but my attention was more on Wil’s reaction as I replied.

“Gonna make it worth my while?” Cal laughed before his gaze lifted to take in Wil again, whose crossed arms and mildly cranky expression made the grin on Cal’s face spread wider.

“Maybe later,” he mouthed with an obvious wink before adding a loud, “Alright, Wil?” He kissed his fingers and blew it at him, his laughter lost in the noise as Wil glared.

“C’mon, Seb,” Wil said, finally making a move to pull me by my shirt and I shrugged, giving Cal a parting wave and watching him melt back into the crowd before I turned and followed Wil towards the stairs.

“What’s up your arse tonight?” I asked impatiently, cranky with the way he was wrinkling up my shirt until I caught up enough to see the look on his face.

“Nothing,” he said in a tone that suggested that was not the truth, finally letting go but I saw him shoot another look back at where Callum had disappeared. “Just don’t trust him.”

“What’re you even worried about?” I’d fallen into step with him on the stairs and he hooked his thumbs through his belt loops, head tilted back so the lights were playing over his skin in a wash of pink, purple, blue.

“Forget it,” he said, blowing out a breath, but an arm around his shoulders got a trace of a smile back on his face.

“Forget _him_ ,” I told him, annoyed that something had put a damper on Wil’s mood because he’d been happy enough to feel me up on the dancefloor ten minutes ago and I really wanted that version of Wil back, not this broody moody one. I stopped to open the door with a flourish. “Tonight’s about having some goddamn fun for once.”

“ _Right. Fun,”_ I heard him mumble, and he went straight to the bar. I couldn’t see from where I’d flopped on the couch but I could hear him pour something which he quickly downed.

“You getting this party started without us?” Nat called from the doorway, and I lazily rolled upright to turn around, watching Nat dragging an unusually-shy looking Liv with her.

“No way, you’re just in time,” Wil told her, already wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, and we watched as he quickly lined up another seven shot glasses next to the one he’d just emptied.

“Ooh, what’re you making?” Nat asked, abandoning Liv to skip over to him.

“You lost or something?” I asked snidely and to her credit Liv sized me up.

“I’ve got a bona fide invite,” she said, one eyebrow arching but she looked less certain of herself as I stepped closer, having to look up to keep the eye contact she was trying to make intimidating. “So if you’ve got a problem I suggest you take it up with your cousin.” I clicked my tongue in annoyance, but I already knew Nat’d kick up a fuss if I kicked her out.

“Just try not to say anything _unnecessary_.” I aimed a look over my shoulder at where Nat was playfully wrestling a bottle from Wil before turning a stern look back on Liv. “Don’t make me regret trusting you.”

“God, Seb, you’re such a fucking drama llama.” She put a hand on my chest to push me back. “I’m not gonna blab your deepest darkest secrets, don’t you worry your pretty little head about it.”

“What’re you two whispering about?” Wil called loudly, and I looked up to see Nat round on us, eyes narrowed in suspicion before she skipped back over to stake her claim.

“What’re you making us Wil?” I asked, neatly sidestepping the actual issue, and he half-turned so his body was shielding the bottle he’d just got down.

“Secret recipe – you can wait for it,” he ordered with a grin, and Nat was already dragging Liv over to the window but not before Liv turned and gave me a triumphant look that made my stomach flip. Sometimes it was a real fucking liability to drink with journalism majors. The same music playing downstairs was already being pumped in over the speakers and I watched Nat crank the volume up a few notches.

“Show me your moves, I saw you dancing earlier,” I heard Nat tell Liv, and I rolled my eyes at the spectacle because Nat was clearly into her and I couldn’t imagine that ending well, but at least for now Liv seemed happy enough to humour her. She’d let Nat leave her hand on her shoulder as they danced anyway. I looked back over at the bar again and noted Wil was almost finished – I could see him adding the last layer now and I wandered closer just as he twisted the cap back on a dark bottle.  He wasn’t quick enough to hide it from me and he put a finger to his lips, begging silence as he slid it back on the shelf.

“Come pay the toll, ladies,” he called mischievously, and Nat looked over at us, hesitating before letting her hand slide down Liv’s bare arm to take her hand, pulling her over to the bar. I raised an eyebrow at Liv when she let her, and she glared back at me wordlessly, detangling their fingers but Nat was too busy to notice, accepting the shot Wil carefully passed her and knocking it back with a grin. 

“I wasn’t planning on drinking,” Liv said, arms folded defensively now and Nat slammed her empty glass back on the bar and turned to her with a look of shock.

“Unacceptable,” Wil said at the same time Nat said,

“Really?” She sounded disappointed, but before she could add anything else I stepped over.

“I’ll drink yours,” I offered, and Liv’s eyes flicked between Wil and I curiously.

“You two swapped personalities tonight or something?” she asked, but then she was reaching for a shot despite my valiant offer and both Nat and Wil cheered as she downed it. “ _Christ_.” She spluttered, and Nat rubbed her shoulder sympathetically even as she chuckled along with the rest of us. “What the hell was _in_ that?”

“Don’t ask,” I informed her dryly, and Wil handed me a shot before we clinked glasses and tossed them back at the same time. Nat had snagged a second shot and she was dipping the tip of her tongue in it to taste as she moved over to the window, eyes on the dance floor far below.

“I’m guessing jaffa shot,” she said thoughtfully before tipping the shot down her throat.

“You are correct!” Wil confirmed with a grin, picking up another and holding it out invitingly. “Liv?” He made it an offer and she hesitated for a second.

“I really shouldn’t,” she said, but far from pushing the matter Wil just shrugged and tipped it down his own throat.

“Liv, come talk to me,” Nat said, grabbing her hand and dragging her over to the couch behind us. “Tell me what’s good in Surfers.” I tuned them out, having better things to do right now than eavesdrop on my irresponsible cousin. Wil was leaning on the bar, eyes on my throat and I smiled as I eyed the last two shots, deciding I could probably handle it and downing one before sliding my empty shot glass on the counter between us.

“So you cheered up,” I commented, letting my eyes rake down Wil’s chest as he braced both hands on the low bar. “What’s the deal?” Wil smirked, leaning over the small space until he was close enough to kiss.

“The deal is I’m ‘letting go’, that was the point, right?” he asked in a dangerously sexy voice.

“Is that what this is?” I asked, all faux innocence. “Well don’t let me stop you,” I said, patting him on the cheek before turning my back on him. The couch wasn’t huge, so rather than crowd on with Nat and Liv I sat on the arm, tossing a surreptitious look back at Wil just in time to see him take the last shot. I had half a mind to tell him to slow down, because Wil was smashing the drinks tonight, but when he looked up and his gaze settled on me I decided I liked where this was going. The look burning in his eyes was intense – and promised so much fun for me if I didn’t ruin it – so when he started to stalk over I slid to my feet again, backing away and feeling the thrill of excitement when he followed me, cornering me against the wall.

“Why’re you running?” he whispered, low and husky and _oh shit I love drunk Wil_. “Guilty conscience?”

“Never,” I told him adamantly just as he nosed my head to the side. “I’d say ‘ _buy me a drink first’_ but I guess you already did that, huh?” Wil just growled low in his throat, hands low on my hips and lips already teasing just above my collar. “Oh, did you want _this_?” I reached up to tug my shirt lower, shooting a triumphant look over at the girls who were twisting around to watch. Wil was crowding closer, one leg sliding between mine as he kissed along my collarbone. The disappointment on Liv’s face just made it even sweeter.

“C’mon, guys – not in front of my salad,” Nat called with an edge of impatience, and I laughed, reaching for Wil to drag his face higher. From over his shoulder I heard Nat groan loudly in protest. “Guys, I mean it.”

“You just teasing or are you actually gonna fuck me later?” I asked breathily, enjoying the pressure on my crotch. His eyes narrowed for a second before he leaned in to brush his lips against mine, but then he was moving away, slipping out of my hold as I tried to chase him but a hand on my chest pushed me firmly back against the wall.

“Guess,” he said with a wicked smirk, and then he was waltzing back over to the bar and pouring another round of shots, and have I ever told you how much I love drunk Wil? Because I _fucking love_ _drunk Wil_.

“Oh, thank god,” Nat said dramatically, drawing my attention back to the present. “For a second there I thought I was actually gonna see dick – _please_ keep it in your pants, guys.”

“My dick’s a national treasure, Nat,” I shot back spiritedly. “You’d be lucky to witness it.” She slapped her hands over Liv’s ears, pulling a face at me.

“Not in front of the baby,” she said with mock-seriousness, a bit rich considering Nat was the youngest here by almost a whole twelve months, but Liv was just giving her a wry smile as she pulled her hands down.

“Relax, I’ve known these two for years – nothing surprises me anymore.”

“Who’s up for another round?” Wil called playfully and Liv’s eyebrows shot up before they narrowed in a puzzled look in Wil’s direction.

“Except that. _That’s_ new,” she said, and she wasn’t exactly wrong because while Wil had only poured four shots this time I could see the 100 proof Smirnoff he’d left out and I was betting this concoction packed an even stronger punch than the last one. Time to lock this down before Wil was out for the count.

“Last one for you, mate, then I’m taking you home,” I told him, watching the way he was watching me from behind lowered lids. Oh yeah, he was _gone_.  

“Who says I wanna go home with you?” he asked, managing a derisive tone but completely undermining it with the way his gaze dropped to my mouth, his tongue darting out to moisten his lips instinctively.

“Keep telling yourself that,” I said, sliding my hand into his pocket to hook a finger around his keys before I picked up a shot. “Cheers, Wil,” I said, clinking it against the glass he held and tossing it back. It burned – too heavy on cheap vodka – and I swallowed it quickly. “Now how about some water next?”


	10. When You Say Your Heart’s Available I Wish You Didn’t Mean “For Rent”

Chapter 10: When You Say Your Heart’s Available I Wish You Didn’t Mean “For Rent”

_I wanna scream I love you at the top of my lungs_  
But I’m afraid that someone else’ll hear me  
  
– The (Shipped) Gold Standard by Fall Out Boy

**Current Mood: The (Shipped) Gold Standard**

“You’re not driving my car,” Wil said for about the tenth time in twenty minutes, was still insisting, even though I’d fucking walked him out of there – he was lucky to still be putting one foot in front of the other at this point.

“You wanna leave it here all night?” I shot back, and the sound of the alarm disarming echoed in the carpark, the lights illuminating us in a flash before Nat brushed past me to open the passenger door.

“Just let him drive, Wil,” she counselled, already half in the back seat. “What’s the worst that could happen?”

“He could _drive_ my _car_ ,” he said, the petulantly exaggerated words a little unnecessary I thought, but I helped him into the passenger seat anyway.

“Wil, I think you know I can handle it,” I told him, punctuating the statement with a raise of my eyebrows as Wil pouted and grabbed for his seatbelt. He was mellowing to the idea, if the way he slumped into the seat was any indication, and I took that as consent as I checked his leg was in properly before shutting his door.

“So how long have you guys known Liv?” Nat asked, leaning on the back of Wil’s seat as I climbed in behind the wheel, annoyed that Wil’s extra height – it’s like an _inch_ , if that – meant that I really should adjust the seat. I didn’t though. I wondered who I thought I was impressing.

“Liv’s great,” Wil said, head back and eyes closed. “Really awesome. Like Liv.”

“Yeah, she likes you too, buddy,” I said, and the car roared to life with that deeply satisfying chest-rumble of a finely tuned rotary.

“What’s her deal? She seeing anyone?”

“How should I know? Just ask her,” I said, frowning at Nat’s face visible in the review mirror as I reversed.

“We literally just met, you tool. Have some decency.” She was sitting back in her seat, dragging the seatbelt over her lap and I heard it click in.  

“I really don’t wanna hear that from you after all your grinding on the dancefloor,” I told her dryly, smoothly changing gears and appreciating Wil’s car for the beautiful piece of machinery it was. It sucked he never let me drive it when he was sober. _Or conscious_ , I thought with a grin at the slumped figure in the front seat. His eyes were closed but at a nudge from me they fluttered open and he struggled to sit upright again.  

“ _Excuse_ me?” she said, complete with dramatic gasp. “If anyone was being inapprops on the dancefloor it was definitely you.” I rolled my eyes as she continued to lecture me from the backseat.  “You do realise some people don’t wanna hit bases one, two and three in a single hour, right? Not everyone wants to jump straight into the sack.”

“Speaking of straight though,” I said with a smirk in the rear-view mirror. “Liv is.”

“ _Pfft_ ,” Nat said with a dismissive wave. “So’s spaghetti until it gets wet.” Wil laughed, and I shot him an unamused look.

“Don’t look so pleased with yourself, Mister,” I told him, indicating before merging into the lane. “You’re a mess tonight, and not in the good way.”

“Had fun though,” he mumbled, slumping back down in his seat and I couldn’t disagree. God this drive was taking forever though. I knew I was just on the good side of “really fucking over the limit but still capable enough to manage” and every time I checked I was doing just shy of the speed limit, but the traffic gods were smiling on us as we cruised through green light after green light. “Ok, children, you’re home,” I announced, turning off the ignition and listening to the rumble as the turbo timer kept the engine turning over.

“Wil, are you asleep?” Nat asked, leaning into the space between our seats and poking Wil in the shoulder, and he made a clumsy grab for her hand.

“No,” he said defensively, which is exactly what someone who’d been asleep would say, and Nat giggled as I climbed out and tipped my seat forward for her.

“C’mon, mate.” By the time I’d got his door open he had his eyes open at least. “You don’t wanna sleep down here do you?” I hadn’t really meant that in a sexy way but given the look he was giving me now I was gonna roll with it.

“I haven’t christened the back seat,” he said suggestively, and I shook my head, very amused as I undid his seatbelt.

“And you won’t tonight, coz you’ll murder me tomorrow,” I told him, and by the time I was helping him stand Nat was already holding the elevator for us.

“Hurry the fuck up!” she called impatiently. “Some of us are wearing heels.” Wil’s weight was warm and heavy on me, and I pulled his arm more firmly around my shoulders as we slowly walked over to Nat.

“Take ‘em off if you hate them so much,” I grumbled, and as we stepped into the car Nat’s face lit up.

“Hey yeah,” she said with the tone of dawning comprehension, and I snorted a laugh as she immediately slid to the floor, leg bent awkwardly to reach the slim buckle on her ankle. Wil turned into me, face pressing on my neck and I could feel the puff of warm breath as he stifled his own laugh.

“Oh my god, Nat,” Wil mumbled as she got both of them off, jumping back to her feet with an exuberance that didn’t suit either her outfit or our position in a moving elevator. We were nearly at the top though and I tilted my head back to watch the numbers lighting up and as soon as the doors opened Nat skipped out ahead of us.

“Slow down, woman, you don’t even have keys,” I protested, and her giggles where echoing in the hall as she danced back over.

“Gimme,” she demanded, snatching them out of my hands and if my arms hadn’t been full of drunk Wil I’d’ve snatched them back just to make a point. 

***

“We’re hoooome!” Nat called, shoes still dangling from one hand as she flung the front door wide open. It bounced off the wall and she giggled, hand coming up to cover her mouth. “Whoops.”

“Could you not break the place, Nat?” I complained, trailing behind her as she flicked on a few lights and turned them down on a dimmer. “Unless you wanna explain the damage.”

“Puh- _lease_ ,” she said dismissively, shoes dropped carelessly on the floor as she skipped over to the fridge. “Like you guys haven’t totally trashed it already. Auntie’s gonna be _pissed_.”

“Sorry, Nat,” Wil said meekly, one arm still hanging heavily over my shoulder as I walked him over to the couch.

“Don’t _you_ apologise,” I told him, heaving him off me and watching as he landed heavily, bouncing gently a few times. “She’s the freeloader here, remember?”

“You guys got anything with less sugar than these fucking double blacks or what?” Nat’s voice called back, muffled as she stuck her head in the fridge. “Never mind, cider it is.” I heard the sharp hiss of a bottle opening, the cap skittering over the bench before landing in the sink with a clatter and Nat giggled loudly – a sound that was quickly getting on my nerves – but a hand on my wrist brought me back to what was happening on the couch.

“ _Pay attention to me_.” Wil was pouting, tugging on my wrist and I bit my lip as I grinned down at him. 

“I thought you were plastered?” I asked, noting Wil had already kicked off his shoes and I quickly stepped out of mine before he pulled me down on top of him.

“Not that drunk,” he mumbled, lips on my throat. “Just drunk enough.”

“I know,” I told him, fully aware and appreciating every second of it. “ _God_ , you’re in a mood tonight.” My hands found his shoulders as I shifted to straddle his lap and Wil’s hands were on me instantly, smoothing up and down my thighs, catching on the denim and the friction was driving me wild. “What’s the occasion?” He sat up straight, catching my arms and pinning them to my sides as he leaned in to drop a teasing kiss on my neck. I gasped at the rough play, pleased but confused. “Coz I thought you weren’t gonna fuck me anymore?”

“Don’t you want me too?” he shot back, and he sucked a bruise into my skin as I spread my knees wider, searching for the contact I knew we both wanted. I couldn’t reach him, arms still pinned and when he licked over the new bruise to soothe it I let out a shaky breath. “I’m kinda getting the vibe here you do,” he whispered with a chuckle, and I was so on board with wherever this ship was going.  

“Definitely,” I told him fervently. “ _God_ I miss your dick.” I could feel him, hard for me as I started a slow grind on his lap. “Haven’t been fucked in _ages_.” The hands on my thighs had wandered higher, slipping under my shirt to trace fire on my skin as I leaned in to kiss him. “ _No one does it as good as you, Wil_.” He met me halfway, head tilted to catch my lips in an open-mouthed kiss and I wasted no time, tongue sliding against his slowly and in time to each rock of my hips. Wil was responding to me, giving everything I gave him back and more. My hands were on him, sliding up his chest, rubbing back down again and dropping to where he was hard and pressed against me until Nat reminded us she was still here.

“Don’t let him walk all over you, honey,” she said dismissively, and I knew the sneer in her voice was directed solely at me as I slowly pulled back from the kiss.

“Fuck off, Nat,” I tossed over my shoulder, gaze never leaving Wil’s face as I took in the half-lidded eyes, the kiss-swollen lips. God, I wanted those lips on me _everywhere_. “Literally no one cares.” I heard her hum of disapproval, her bare foot making a dull _tap tap tap_ on the tiles before she sighed abruptly.

“Well if you two are screwing out here I’m stealing your room, cuz.” Her announcement was punctuated by the wheels of her suitcase clacking on the tiles. “Night, boys. Try to keep the volume down, yeah?” I grinned at the caution as I leaned in to kiss Wil’s neck, enjoying the feel of his hands on me under my shirt.

“Y’know, for a minute there I forgot how much of a bitch Nat is,” I said on a sigh, arching into the touch of him stroking my back lightly.  

“She’s a guest,” he chastised, but it was weak. 

“She’s a _freeloader_ ,” I corrected. “So whaddya reckon?” I murmured, hips wriggling for emphasis. “Should we keep her up all night?” The hands on me became more insistent, and I laughed as he turned to push me down on the couch, quickly following me.

“Gonna make you scream,” he said, voice heavy with promise and I bit my lip as Wil started kissing down my neck. When he pushed up the hem of my shirt I moved to help him, tugging it higher to uncover me as he shifted lower to press kisses along the waistband of my pants. “You sure you wanna do this out here?” he asked, and instead of replying my hands flew to undo my fly as he chuckled. “Exhibitionist,” he scoffed, but the word was soft and full of affection.

“How is this any worse than you in the club? At least we’re alone right now,” I countered, but there was a hot mouth on my cock and whatever argument I’d intended to make was lost. “ _Mmh, fuck yeah_.” I surrendered to the feeling, legs falling open until my jeans caught around my knees and Wil pushed them low enough for me to kick them off.

“God, you’re easy,” Wil said in a breathy whisper, hand fisting around my cock as he looked up at me. “You’d let anyone fuck you, wouldn’t you?” I arched into the touch, sighing in pleasure when his thumb swept between my legs.

“Not _anyone_ ,” I insisted, and he lifted my leg unceremoniously to rifle through the couch compartment. “The standards for going near my arse are actually kinda high, if you really wanna know.”

“Oh really?” Wil sounded less than impressed, but he’d found the lube and I shifted to get comfortable again as slicked-up fingers touched me with purpose. “I don’t believe you.”

“Really,” I insisted. “It’s like the Olympics – you get so many contenders but only three get a prize at the end.” Wil laughed, and I moaned, a flash of pleasure jolting through me as he teased.

“Are you suggesting your arse is a prize?” I shot him the sternest glare I could manage under the circumstances, which wasn’t very. “Or that people are competing to fuck you?”

“It’s a _simile_ , stop being so lit—“ another moan and I had to catch my breath. “Literal. You dick.”

“Mmh, funny you should mention my dick,” he said casually, far too casually for someone about to make me jizz all over them. “I’d kinda like to bury it in you.”

“Do it, god, just _do it_.” Strong fingers were wrapping around my dick now, but instead of speeding up he was slowing the pace, pulling at me with slow, deliberate strokes and I whined my frustration as I came back from the edge. “Fucking _tease_.”

“Calm down, you big baby, I’m gonna fuck you.” He let go of my dick to lean over me, tongue sliding into my mouth and I kissed him back desperately. “ _Promise_.” He said it like he meant it, kissing the word into my mouth and my hands were on his shoulders again, fisting in his shirt, body aching for the release he kept taunting me with.

“You want me to beg for it? I’ll fucken beg.” Pride be damned, I’d do anything to have Wil at this point. God _damn_ but the boy knew how to get me off. “Whaddya want? I’ll do anything.”

“Anything?” The word was still a tease, breathed against my neck and a hint of a smile in its tone.

“An-y-thing,” I reiterated, and Wil was pulling away.

“C‘mere then.” I scrambled to follow him as he sat up, my legs shaky as he pulled me onto his lap. His jeans were still done up and it took me a few tries to get the button and the fly down, but once I’d managed it he lifted his hips to help me push them down. “Want you to sit on me,” he said softly, hands already guiding me as I settled over him. “Nice and slow.”

“ _Slow_?” I couldn’t believe my ears, but Wil was smirking, that feral grin that I loved but so rarely saw, and it pulled me out of my haze for a second. “Right,” I said, feeling a degree of control shifting back to me as I reached between my legs. “Nice and slow.” I wasn’t even sitting on him yet, just dragging the head of his cock against my slick hole and watching the way his head fell back, eyes closed, teeth sinking into the plush red of his lip. The urgency had faded and now I was back in the driver’s seat, and enjoying every minute of it.

“ _Slow_ , not _glacial_ ,” he commented after a few long seconds, and I had to laugh.

“Shut up, you don’t get to complain,” I chastised, but with a tilt of my hips I let him press against me. He pushed in and my breath left me in a rush. “Mmh, _goddamn I’ve missed you_.”

“Yeah?” It sounded lazy – almost leisurely – and his hips were rocking gently, just fucking the tip of him at the rim and I wanted more, wanted him _deeper_. At the same time though I wanted to drag this out – make him want it as badly as I did. Fortunately, I was very good at getting Wil to want me. 

“ _Yes_.” I wasn’t even faking desperation at this point, clinging to him as I let my fucked-out, breathless voice work its magic. “God I want you, so fucken bad.” My hand slipped from his shoulder, pressing over his heart to feel its pounding rhythm against my palm. “Do you want me?”

“ _Always_.”

It was so quietly murmured at first I thought I’d imagined it, but then the hands at my hips were finally urging me lower, and I was a panting mess as I settled in his lap, shifting until I could get purchase on the couch to rock my hips and ride him. Hands were sliding up my sides, rucking my shirt higher and I arched into the touch as a thumb flicked over my nipple.

“Wil, you’re so good at this.” Those hands were pulling me closer now, hot where they splayed on my skin. Wil’s lips were on my throat, then my jaw, kisses peppering me until he could reach my lips and plunder my mouth again. Slow, slick drags of his tongue slowed my movements until I was just leisurely rolling my hips against him, revealing in the way I felt like my veins were running with lava. “Nice and slow, right?” I pulled away to whisper, and I heard a huffed chuckle in response. “How long you think you can keep this up?” I teased, raising up on my knees and sliding back down quickly so that Wil had to catch his breath before replying.

“Longer than you.”

“Is that a _challenge_?” I shot back gleefully.

“Ugh, you’re so _competitive_.” I laughed until he grabbed me, pushing me off him and pinning me down on the couch. “I’m gonna wipe that smirk off your face, Seb,” he said lowly, crowding closer and I felt my retort stick in my throat because—

“ _Holy fuck you’re sexy_.” His smirk just intensified at my unwittingly given praise, and I wrapped my legs around his waist.

“Jesus Christ, _shut the fuck up!”_ Nat shouted, sounding just a bit muffled from the other side of a door and I laughed until I felt Wil’s cock hot and hard between my legs, short thrusts of his hips making me feel so full again.

“Gonna scream for me, Seb?” There was a hand on my throat, just a hint of pressure and I could feel my pulse thumping under his thumb, faster as he squeezed just enough to make me draw in a quick breath.

“Gonna make me?” I shot back, thinking that it would’ve sounded a lot more intimidating if I wasn’t already breathless.  

“Why do I even like you?” he asked, but it must’ve been a rhetorical question because he was leaning down to kiss me messily as he picked up the pace. “C’mon, Seb, lemme hear you moan,” he whispered, nudging my head to the side and pressing open-mouthed kisses to my throat and his hand was still hot and heavy, pulse still beating under the thumb holding me down. I felt the hot lave of his tongue before he sucked another bruise into my skin and I gasped at the rush, pawing at his shirt as I tried to get under it and touch him too.

“Touch me, please touch me,” I gasped out, and Wil was reaching between us, hand closing over my dick to pump in time to our fucking. “Mmh, _god_.” I was back on the edge, the familiar tightening in my balls making me jerk and grind into him, and I grabbed Wil’s hand, sliding our fists down to the base and squeezing hard as I tried not to blow.

“Seb?” Wil’s tone was questioning, not worried but edging towards it, so I gave him my most reassuring smile.

“Gonna get you off first,” I explained, and he made a face of exasperation.

“Let’s see you try then,” he said smugly, but I reached up to pull him down until we were chest to chest.

“Don’t stop, Wil, you feel so good.” This close it was easy to see the effect these simple words had on him. I could get him to bite his lip, make his breath catch in his throat, close his eyes and lick his lips as who knows what went through his mind. Wil was mine, and after all these years, I could play him like no one else could. “Gonna feel so good when you come in me, fuck me full of your come.” That had the hands on me tightening, the hips pounding into me moving faster. “Gonna come on your cock, you fuck me so _fucking good_.”

“ _Shit_!” I had a split second to gloat as I felt Wil lose control, fucking through his release as he pounded into me before I was coming too, a wordless cry on my lips that drowned him out. I shook again, another burst of pleasure rocketing through me and I didn’t bother trying to supress the moan that slipped out, mixing with the sounds of our panted breaths before a loud bang from my room drew our attention.

“Are you fucking _done_?” Nat’s annoyed voice shouted again, and the thump on the door seemed to suggest she’d just thrown something at it. I laughed as Wil replied in kind, picking up one of our shoes and lobbing it underhanded so it glanced off the bedroom wall.

“I’ll bet a hotel sounds kinda good right now, hey Nat?” I called back lazily, a huge grin on my face as Wil crushed me into the couch, shaking with silent laughter. 

“I hate you both!” came her exasperated reply, but Wil’s weight had settled over me more comfortably and I closed my eyes, utterly relaxed and suddenly really fucking tired.

“G’night, Seb,” I thought I heard a voice say, but by the time the weight was rolling off me, soon replaced with a blanket I was already asleep.

***

**7 years ago, in Wil’s Silvia heading to Anna’s to fuck shit up**

Wil was still vehemently against going out, but as Nat and I outvoted him two-to-one the three of us had piled into his car anyway.

“Yo Seb, chuck us the drugs,” Nat piped up from the back seat, and I turned around the wave them between the seats teasingly.

“Seatbelt, please,” Wil said with a long-suffering sigh as he slid into the driver’s seat. I looked as he pulled his door closed and Nat took the opportunity to swipe the bag.

“Oi, give it back!” She laughed manically, sliding to the far side of the car and out of reach.

“Give it back, Nat,” Wil said patiently.   

“C’mon, I’m coming down already,” she complained, prying the seal open.

“You are not,” Wil told her, and a hand on my shoulder was pushing me back in my seat to make room as Wil lunged back to close a fist over the bag. “I’ll take _that_.”

 _“Ooh ate_ ,” she mumbled, and when I looked I could see the capsule on her tongue a second before she curled it back behind her teeth. “Yu gah ennying tu dwink?”

“Nope,” Wil told her, sounding grimly pleased. “You can swallow that fucker dry.”

“Gawd daym et.”

“Seatbelt, Seb,” Wil said again, and at the tone I decided I’d better comply as Nat struggled in the backseat and with two-thirds of us sorted Wil started the car, leaving the bag unattended in the centre console. 

“ _Ugh_ ,” Nat said eventually, sticking her tongue out again when she managed. “That was a mission.” _Well if Nat could do it_ —

“No,” Wil said, finally noticing I’d snagged one for myself while he’d been distracted.

“Ah, c’mon, Wil.” With half an eye on the road he held out a hand expectantly, and I reluctantly handed it over. 

“Trust me, you do _not_ need this yet,” he said, managing to slip it back into the bag and reseal it one-handed.

“You’re so boring sober,” I grumbled, and Wil frowned as he slapped the bag to my chest.

“Boo-fucking-hoo, at least I’m sober enough to drive,” he shot back, and that piqued my interest because Wil’d been in a real mood lately and I’d been wondering what his deal was. I’d ask him later, when Nat wasn’t around. If I remembered.

“I’ll have it later then – when you do,” I said, sliding down in my seat to get them back in my pocket.

“You gotta try it Wil,” Nat piped up from the back seat in support.

“Maybe, I’ve heard that shit’s good,” he said, and it didn’t exactly sound convincing but he was pulling up and I realised we were here already. I hoped he wasn’t kidding, because I already knew all about Wil high on weed, and don’t get me wrong it was _fantastic_ , but I really needed Wil up here with me tonight. Sober Wil was way too reluctant to be kissed for my liking. “Ok, get outta my car, druggos,” he said, and Nat was out in a flash.

“You’re coming in, right?” I asked, and when I didn’t move to take my seatbelt off he leaned over to do it for me.

“Yeah,” he said, but he didn’t look happy about it. “Someone’s gotta sober-sit you guys.” Nat had already disappeared inside and I followed the path to the front door slowly, hearing Wil lock the car behind me. “Seb?” I looked down when I felt him touch my arm, and it took me a moment to focus on what he was saying. “Jesus, this’s the worst idea – you’re so fucken wrecked,” he mumbled, and I caught that no problem.

“I’m fine,” I insisted, but I didn’t tug my arm away. I patted the drugs in my pocket, mentally counting them and wishing I was already at the other side of this evening. Wil opened the door for us and I knew I needed to find Annalise first, that was part of the plan, I think. Nat had disappeared into the crowd, presumably going in search of Andy to butter him up as penance for sneaking that second cap.

“Nice of you to finally show up,” a snide voice said, and I looked up to see Melanie, Anna’s best friend and near-constant shadow.

“We were busy,” I said as regally as I could manage, which wasn’t very, and my authority was further undermined by the way Wil was holding me up with a steadying hand on my arm.

“You’ve been smoking again, you mean.” _God, this judgemental bitch_.

“Aw, Mel, jealous much?” I asked, saccharine sweet. She just curled her lip at me.

“You’d better go see your girlfriend – and you’d better have bought her something incredible, you jerk.” I waved away her censures with a shaky hand.

“Trust me, she’s gonna fucken love it.” I touched the drugs in my pocket, fingertips rolling over them to feel the hard outline of each capsule and wondering how long it might take Nat to find her target. I was annoyed at how much clearer my head felt already. Melanie was a sobering influence and it just made me hate her more. “So where’s the birthday girl?”

“Over there,” Melanie gestured with a nod, “dancing. Don’t fuck up her night, ok arsehole?” she said, but she’d flounced off before I could phrase a reply.

 _“Oooh, that’s unlikely_ ,” Wil muttered, having been a witness to our plotting in the car. “Can you stand yet?” he asked, and I tested my balance, lifting first one foot and then the other.

“Yep!” I turned to grin at him, keen to get this show on the road so I could quickly move on to phase two of the evening, which would hopefully involve getting some bedroom action. “Wanna tag along?” Wil made a face and I laughed. “Or go get a drink. I’ll be back.” I gave him a mock-salute as I turned and headed in the direction of the living room, which seemed to be the dancefloor. Knowing Annalise, she’d be at the centre.

“Seb!” Anna found me first, arms sliding around my waist as she pressed into my back, on her tiptoes to brush a kiss just below my ear as she added, “Thank god. I didn’t think you’d come tonight.” To her _birthday_? She loosened her hold enough that I could turn around and as she crushed into my chest I wondered what the hell she was being all dramatic about now.

“I was getting you your present,” I said, face hidden over her shoulder so I didn’t have to bother with a happy mask – I was annoyed at how far I’d come down since walking in the door. Maybe I’d just take that second pill when Anna took hers. She pushed back, face lighting up, much too drunk for subtlety.

“You got me a present?” she asked, all wide-eyed innocence, but I knew her better than that. We’d only been dating for four months but I knew she’d expected something from me.

“Of course,” I lied, extracting myself from the hug and taking her hand instead. “Let’s go somewhere quieter and I’ll show you.” There was an unnecessary amount of cat-calling as I led her towards the relative privacy of the kitchen, but I acknowledged it with a smile. No point in deliberately making enemies, I guess. Although at this point it was probably a lost cause, given these were Anna’s friends and especially given what I was about to do. “What’re you drinking?” There was an impressive number of empty bottles on the counter, and from among them I managed to spot an unopened bottle of rosé before she could reply. “Two rosés, coming right up,” I announced, and she giggled, clinging onto my arm as I stripped the foil away and wrestled the cage open. The loud pop caused another wave of giggles, and I tried to salvage the bubbles as I tilted first one flute, then the next to pour us drinks.

“So where’s my present?” she asked coyly, holding the glass with both hands and I managed to get the bag open to present her with a pill.

“Right here,” I said, peeling one of her hands off the glass and dropping it on her upturned palm.

“What is it? It’s _ugly_ ,” she said, holding up her hand to frown at the clear capsule of amber-tinted crystal.

“I thought it’s what’s on the inside that counts?” I said with a teasing grin, and her fingers closed over it in a fist as she leant on my chest again.

“Of _course_.” I rolled my eyes. I needed to get out of here and rolling again because I was way too sober for this shit. “You know I know that.”

“So this’s special on the inside.” She didn’t resist, fingers moving easily as I uncurled them and took the pill back. “You wanted to try this? Remember? It’s like eccys, but better.” Her face lit up again and I allowed myself a smile of victory as she plucked it back from my fingers.

“Awesome,” she said softly, and proceeded to swallow it on the first go while I frowned at her. How the fuck did she manage that because there must be more bubbles in her rosé than I’d had in my pepsi. “Thanks, Seb.” She’d drained her glass already, sliding it back onto the bench and I was hugging her one-armed as she wrapped her arms around me again. “I’m sorry. You’re the best.”

Yeah, wasn't I just fucking fantastic?

If only I gave a shit.


	11. I’d Give Up Drugs And Alcohol But I’m No Quitter

Chapter 11: I’d Give Up Drugs And Alcohol But I’m No Quitter

 

 _I'm hopelessly hopeful_  
_You're just hopeless enough_  
 _But we never had it, at all_  
  
  
_And the record won't stop skipping_  
 _And the lies just won't stop slipping_  
 _And besides, my reputation's on the line_

– I've Got a Dark Alley and a Bad Idea That Says You Should Shut Your Mouth (Summer Song)

 

**7 years ago, still at Anna’s Party  
**

**Current Mood: I've Got a Dark Alley and a Bad Idea That Says You Should Shut Your Mouth (Summer Song)**

It was proving impossible to extract myself from the birthday girl’s presence, and while realistically I knew I needed to keep an eye on her for plan-related purposes it seriously sucked how long this was taking. I’d decided against re-dosing right now though, not wanting to waste a good time on Anna, and I threw another imploring look over at Wil who was hanging out across the room. The bastard was smirking into a drink, leaning back on the wall and having far too much fun at my expense. “ _Hate you_ ,” I mouthed, throwing in a pout for good measure which just made him smirk wider before shaking his head at me, heading off in the direction of the kitchen, presumably for another drink. Annalise wasn’t letting me go – she was literally attached to my arm and dragging me around the dancefloor – and despite the drinks I’d managed to snag I was still irritatingly clear-minded. I was starting to feel like I’d be trapped here forever.

“Woah.” I looked down at the tug on my arm, thrilled to see she was clinging to me for balance because that must mean it was finally hitting her. “Sorry.” She giggled, pulling at me to get upright again. “I—yeah, unsteady.” She wobbled on her heels and I wrapped an arm around her to hold her steady.

“You wanna sit down?” I asked, but I‘d just caught sight of Nat enthusiastically waving me over and I was already steering her towards the couch, a figure rising as we drew nearer. “Here, I want you to meet somebody. Anna, this is…”

“Andrew,” he said, already stepping up and putting a hand out. Anna tried to take it twice before finally connecting with his palm. “Happy birthday, Annalise.” I couldn’t help staring, because _Andrew_ was a helluva lot more well-spoken than my usual contacts, and I frowned lightly as I realised he was kinda familiar. 

“Hey Seb,” he said, eyes shifting to me now. “Long time no see.” My eyes widened in recognition.

“Holy shit, mate!” _Now_ I remembered him. “I thought you moved down to Newcastle?”

“I’m back for a bit. Funeral.”

“No shit? Sorry man.”  

He shrugged. “Nah, distant rellie, didn’t really know ‘im anyway. How you like the gear?”

“Fucken _ace_.” I’d stepped out from behind Anna now and Nat had stood up to grab her hand, urging her to have a seat as Andy and I moved away to talk. “She’s already rolling, I’m about to hit my second.”

“And you’re cool with me asking her out? I mean,” his gaze quickly flicked over to where Anna was sitting, leaning into Nat’s shoulder, “You guys _did_ break up right?” Nat couldn’t have heard but she must’ve known what was going on because she grinned wide, and I raised my eyebrows at the look. This was not exactly what we’d discussed.

“Yeah, it’s cool. Maybe just give us a sec?” I beckoned Nat over with a finger, and she jumped up happily.

“Here, Andy, you sit riiight here,” she said, patting his arm as she pulled him over to Anna but I was already stalking back to the kitchen and Nat had to run to catch up with me.

“What the hell, Nat?” I ground out, rounding on her but she just folded her arms at me, a judgmental look on her face. “I though you said he wanted to fuck her, what’s he talking about fucking _dating_?”

“Why do you even care, hmm?” Nat said glibly, and it was incredible how much she sounded exactly like my ma sometimes. Genetics were scary. “You don’t even like Anna, what the fuck do you care who she’s with?”

“I…” was buying time. I was buying time because I couldn’t deal with this right now, and with a sigh Nat grabbed my arm to drag me back over to the couch.  

“Look, you’re gonna screw this whole thing up. Do you wanna get rid of her or not? Just fucking dump her so we can all move on,” she leaned in to whisper furiously, and it felt like Nat was enjoying this far too much. Since when did Nat hate me? I didn’t sign up for this shit. She’d dragged me back over to the couch just in time to watch as Anna put a hand on Andy’s leg for balance, leaning in to hear whatever he was telling her. I blew out he breath I’d been holding, downed the last of my room-temp rosé I’d been carrying around for ages and cleared my throat loudly.

“Anna.” She looked up, taking a moment to focus on my face as I leaned closer. “Look. This?” I gestured between us, “It’s not working. I think we should break up.” I could see the exact moment the meaning of my words hit, because her eyes started to fill with tears but I knew better than to let that derail me. Anna’s tears were rarely real. “And it would just _destroy_ me if you got with one of my mates, especially someone like Andy here.” Andy was already surging to his feet, and I stood my ground when he got up in my face.

“What the fuck, Seb?” he snapped, but Nat was already getting between us, snagging Andy’s arm and turning him back to Anna who still had silent tears streaming down her face.

“You can fight like cave men later,” I heard her say, and Andy swore again.

“Andrew,” Anna said loudly, and as we all looked over at her I was surprised at how steady her voice was. “Can you walk with me?”

“You heard the lady,” I said with a shrug and he didn’t need me to tell him twice, immediately reaching down to offer her a hand and pulling her to her feet. I turned to watch them go and Nat leaned on my shoulder, sipping at a drink that’d materialised out of nowhere. I looked down in disappointment at my own empty glass.

“Well that was spectacular.” Nat was giggling, watching where the front door had just closed behind them and she sounded suspiciously clearheaded for someone who should’ve been higher than me. “But were you seriously just gonna let him fuck her – without even breaking up with her – on her _birthday_?” I stole her drink instead of replying, trading her for the empty flute and she laughed as she tried to tip the last drop of rosé into her mouth. Her drink was sickly sweet and fizzy – I was guessing redbull and vodka. I swallowed another mouthful before I replied because the stuff wasn’t half bad and I really needed the buzz.

“Would’ve been easier,” I insisted. “Figured tomorrow she’d give me the whole “sorry I cheated on you” speech and voila: perfect excuse to ditch her. I told you – I’m sick of her shit.”

“Yeah, but this’s like a new low, even for you,” she countered, and while she didn’t steal her drink back she did hold the glass to tip it up to her own lips. I just shrugged off the accusation because I didn’t feel like the bad guy here. Anna had never cared about dating _me_ – all she’d ever cared about was being Sebastian King’s girlfriend. I almost told her that too, opened my mouth to bitch to Nat about how I knew all about the shit they talked at school but instead the words coming out of my mouth were—

“Fuck off with your morality speeches. Like you have a leg to stand on.” I wasn’t the only one getting gossiped about, and I’d heard all about how she’d been hooking up with Caitlyn lately. The very much _unavailable_ Caitlyn if her boyfriend had anything to say about it. Nat just narrowed her eyes at me, clearly trying to work out what I thought I knew.

“Calm down, I’m just teasing you big baby.” She was poking me in the cheek with the lip of the champagne flute. “So what’s it gonna be now, _Sebastian_?” I shoved Nat off but she just gave me a knowing look. “You’re free again – so who do you want?” I’d been scanning the room but my gaze stopped when I spotted Wil. While I’d been otherwise occupied he must’ve drunk enough to lose some inhibitions because he was in the thick of things, arms up and dancing, one hand wrapped firmly around a glass of something the same colour as my own drink. Nat was leaning on my shoulder, following my line of sight and recognising Wil’s back a second later. “Um, no points for that one.” She giggled and poked me but I ignored it. “It’s too obvious.”

“Shut up, Nat, you know nothing.” I sipped my drink again to cover up my unease. I wasn’t sure what to call the feeling in my stomach when I looked at Wil these days but it felt a lot like anxiety and it annoyed me that Nat had picked up on it.

“I’d give you a condom if I had one but its not like I need those, so you’re shit outta luck, cuz.” She paused to chuckle. “Whatever you do, just do it _responsibly_.” She slapped me on the back and left me to it, my eyes on my oldest friend as he twisted in his dance and I could see his face at last – eyes closed as he moved to the music.

“Sure, very responsibly,” I muttered, downing the last of my drink. The empty glass went on the table to add to the collection gathering there and I stumbled in the direction of Wil. Phase one might’ve gone a bit wonky but I was still sure I could salvage phase two. I managed to keep it together as I moved through the crowd anyway, and soon I was close enough to touch him, a tap on his shoulder making him turn and smile when he caught sight of me, but the smile was quickly replaced with a frown as he scanned the rest of the room.

“Where’s your girlfriend?” he asked, and I shrugged as I curled my fingers over his shoulder.

“Wouldn’t know. Don’t have one.” I watched how that line landed, the warring emotions playing over his face for anyone to see. Poor, soft-hearted Wil. “So you gonna dance with me now?” His hand not wrapped around a drink grabbed my waist, tugging me a few inches closer and we were moving to the beat, just far enough apart to be respectable, but that didn’t last long. My other hand went on his chest, fingers tightening in his shirt to pull him the rest of the way over, hand hidden as it slid down to the hem to sneak up and under it. Wil’s skin was smooth and warm and I touched as much as I could, fingertips skittering over the flesh above his belt until he twisted away.

“ _Fuck_.” I saw him mouth the word before tipping his head back to finish his drink, then he was looking back over and gesturing to the hall with a nod. I followed him, expectations rising as he ditched his empty glass on a convenient end table. He’d checked over his shoulder I was still coming with, and he hadn’t been able to hide his small smile as I caught up with him in the hallway. As soon as we were out of sight he grabbed me, pushing me up against the wall and I was _so fucking into_ whatever was going on right now. “So you broke up with Anna?” He was waiting for my answer, but he didn’t move away when I tilted my face up to close the distance between us, my lips just ghosting over his.

“You want me to say yes,” I teased, and my eyes were closed but I could feel how close his lips still were to mine. He swallowed, a nervous sound, and I licked my lips automatically, the tip of my tongue just brushing his lips and for a second he nearly forgot himself, chasing me for a kiss that lasted just a second.

“But you did, right?” he insisted. He’d pulled back again and I opened my eyes, focused on his mouth and as I reached up to touch him I wondered who exactly he was trying to convince.

“Yeah, I did.” My hand was on his neck, thumb gliding over his jaw as I leaned in, licked the seam of his lips, just a teasing touch that had them parting for me like magic. He was kissing me back and the slick drag of his tongue sent a shiver all the way down to my toes before he pulled away _again_.

“Coz I don’t wanna help you cheat.” The sentence hung heavy in the air, but there was a leg pressing between my thighs that begged to differ.

“I thought you said it wasn’t cheating?” I teased, but when he turned his head away I dropped it. “But its fine, promise.” He almost looked convinced, giving me that side-eye that had me so fucken weak lately. “I’m single. Ready to mingle.”

“ _Good_.” With that one word, his lips were crashing against mine, mouth moving hungrily and tongue tasting me as I started a slow grind against his leg. Dimly I thought about the drugs in my pocket, about how good everything had felt on them earlier but to be honest everything felt pretty fucking amazing right now too and there was no way I was stopping this just to take them. I could feel the bass in the wall behind my back, drowning out my own thundering pulse as Wil’s warm hands settled on my face and his kisses turned slow and scorching. It was a good thing he was crushing me into the wall because if he wasn’t I’d be a puddle on the floor already.

“Fucking hell, Wil,” I gasped out when he let me breathe, but judging from the look of bewilderment on his face he was as surprised as I was. “Where the hell’d that come from?”

“I dunno,” he said softly, eyes wide, but there was something hidden in them. “Sorry, I’m drunk.” He was pulling away, brow furrowed with indecision and I quickly reached out to grab him, yanking him back so abruptly his hands slapped the wall for balance.

“Well I like it,” I told him, rearranging him until he was pressed up against me again. “So don’t stop.” He was kissing me again a moment later, and this time a hand was gripping me above the hip, fingers digging in like he could pull me closer even though there wasn’t a breath of space between us. The hand on my hip squeezed tighter before sliding between us, Wil’s hips angling just enough to let him press his palm down over my cock.

“You’re hard,” he murmured, and my lips twisted into a grin even as I chased his mouth again.

“No shit, Sherlock.” I rocked my hips slowly, kissing the moan off his lips as he pressed down harder. Somewhere a door opened, voicing approaching and Wil jumped away from me, backing up to the opposite wall and throwing a nervous glance in the direction of the interruption. I slumped back, head tilting to watch as our potential audience appeared, and guilt was written all over Wil’s face as he recognised Melanie. I didn’t know the girl with her, and they were so deep in conversation with their heads tipped together they hadn’t even noticed us yet.

“Oh. It’s just you,” I said, letting all of my irritation bleed into it because I could be dry humping Wil’s hand right now but _no_ , _now_ I have to deal with _Melanie_.  She looked up, eyes narrowing when she realised it was me and I knew she hadn’t heard anything. Probably hadn’t seen Anna recently either, judging by the regular sneer aimed my way as she stalked towards us.

“Hey, fuckface,” she said with feeling, and I stuck out a leg to trip her. “Nice try,” she added as she easily sidestepped it, but I just smiled placidly at her.

“You seen Anna?” I asked, and she stopped to throw a haughty look over her shoulder. “When you do tell her I want my hoodie back.”

“Your hoodie back?” she repeated but I ignored her, pushing off from the wall and sliding a hand along Wil’s shoulder to pull him with me as I headed in the direction they’d come. Bathrooms had both water and doors that locked, two things I wanted at the moment.

_“What did you do, Sebastian!?”_

I ignored the cranky voice calling after me in favour of closing the bathroom door, flicking the lock with a satisfyingly solid click. “Alright, Wil,” I said, pulling the drugs out and waving them invitingly. “Time to try something new.”

***

Wil was stalling, eyeing the capsule I’d handed him with suspicion a good minute after I’d already swallowed mine. “C’mon, Wil,” I cajoled from where I was sitting on the bathroom counter. “Don’t leave me hanging – trust me this shit is _gold_.” I was flipping the tap on and off, listening to the rush of water but watching Wil as he perched on the edge of the bath, apparently warring with indecision. Abruptly he let out a sigh, climbing to his feet and I let out a little cheer that had him shooting me a wryly-amused smile. I left the tap running, watching as Wil clenched the capsule in his teeth to cup a palm under the tap. “Good man,” I said genially, watching in approval as he swallowed it with the handful of water. He stood up, eyes on his reflection in the mirror as he dried his hands on his jeans.

“How long does it take?” he asked, leaning over the sink to inspect his face closely, nose scrunched up like that’d help him tell when the drugs were kicking in.

“Dunno exactly.” My foot was swinging and on every other swing my heel connected with the cupboard, making a dull _thud_. “Maybe ‘bout an hour?”

“Ok then.” He moved to sit back on the bath again and I couldn’t help laughing, both feet swinging this time to hit the cupboard just out of sync. _Thud-thud_ .

“You just gonna wait there till it hits, huh?”

“No.” He scowled at me before looking around the white tiled room before admitting in a less defensive tone. “Maybe.” The bath was giving me ideas though and I got up to go look out the window.  

“We could go for a swim,” I suggested, checking his reaction over my shoulder and pleased when he shot me an interest although guarded look.

“Is it safe?” I rolled my eyes.

“Yah, last time I checked.” I paused for dramatic effect. “Unless you’ve forgotten how?”

“Dick.” He chucked the loofa at me and I deflected it with a laugh. “I meant like _this_ , is it safe.” He gestured vaguely between us and I toyed with the idea of teasing him further, but in the end a desire to get his clothes off won out.

“Perfectly safe,” I said with unfounded confidence. “I do it all the time.”

We left out the back door instead of trampling back through the party, finding the backyard blessedly empty. The only light was coming from the pool, the quietly humming filter not enough to disturb the surface as we stripped off.

“Is Anna gonna freak if she finds us out here?” Wil asked, but he was already hopping in, sinking chest deep before I’d got my pants off – they’d got caught on my shoes.

“Nah, and she won’t come out here anyway. Hates swimming. It _ruins her makeup_ ,” I said mockingly, and Wil laughed in spite of himself. I finally got my socks off and took a running jump, cannonballing in before Wil could finish telling me not to.

“Idiot,” he said when I resurfaced, but there was no heat in the insult. “Someone’ll hear you.” I laughed and tilted my head back to get my hair out of my face.

“With that racket?” I countered, because even out here I could hear the music coming from the house. “Besides,” I added, swimming over and finding I could just touch the ground with the water lapping at my shoulders. “We’re not doing anything wrong.” A wicked thought occurred to me, one that had me smirking over at Wil. “Unless you wanna do something you don’t want people to see?” He scoffed at the teasing, but he didn’t move away.

“What if I do?” he asked softly. “Maybe I can think of better things to do than swim.”  _Sweet baby jesus, Wil has some fucken game._

“You’re so fucken smooth when you wanna be, you know that right?” I shook my head in amazement, and I could swear Wil was blushing, although it was hard to tell in the dim light.

“For all the good it does me,” he said, attempting a wry smile and failing badly, and something about that made my chest feel tight.

“Wil.” I hadn’t even been aware of moving, but the next thing I knew I was kissing him, mouth moving with purpose as I tried to kiss the sad look off his face. There was a hand on my hip, thumb teasing in firm brushes over the elastic at my waist as I got my hands on him. I could touch unimpeded now, dragging my fingers up the planes of his chest until I could grip his shoulders, then letting them slide down his back. “I love doing this with you,” I said in a voice low and husky with desire. “God, you’re so _fucking good_ at this.” He chuckled, drawing back but swooping back in almost immediately, lips on my throat, hand coming up to hold me still as he sucked at my neck and— “Holy shit that’s so hot.” The palm pressed up against my throat lessoned a bit and I whined. “ _Mmh_ , do that again, here—” I reached up to grab his hand, pushing it until I could feel the pressure on my throat again.

“You’re such a kinky little shit,” Wil muttered, but he sounded amused as he leant back to admire his handiwork. “ _Oh fuck_.” He’d gone pale, matching the anxious way he’d just sworn and I reached up to touch my neck. I was too gone to feel real worry, but there was a muted fluttering sense of unease as I watched him swear again under his breath and bite his lip.

“What?” I was pressing where his mouth had been, feeling the dull thump of my pulse but not sure what’d freaked him out until he took my hand, gently tugging it away from my neck.

“You look like a fucking DV victim.” I froze at the reference, blinked it away as my brain caught up and I realised it was just a joke.

“God, is that all?” I asked, relief flooding me and the look of concern on his face was fading as I slid my arms around his neck. “I thought you must’ve opened a vein or something.” I hooked a leg around his waist to chase some friction.

“I didn’t mean to do that,” he said weakly, but his hand settled on my thigh to pull me closer.

“Betcha can’t do it again,” I dared, but he saw right through that.

“Betcha can’t make me,” he shot back, but he was already walking us closer to the wall and soon I was pressed up against it, the firm weight of Wil’s body leaning into me.

“I’ll take that bet, Amstel.” Even though I was the one pinned to the wall I didn’t feel trapped at all. Despite the fact Wil was taking some initiative for once he was still blushing, I could see the flush in his cheeks lit up by the lights and even that looked hot on him. It wasn’t hard to bring his lips closer to where I wanted them, my hands on the back of his head guiding them to my neck. “Do it again, Wil,” I breathed in his ear. “Mark me up.” He gave in with a shuddering sigh, kissing my skin with soft, open-mouthed kisses before latching on and sucking hard enough to bruise. That hand was still on my thigh, the one wrapped around him, and his fingers dug in briefly before sliding higher, gripping my arse and tugging me closer still.

“There, happy now?” he asked, and when he moved back I touched the place on my neck he’d worked another bruise. “Now you have matching ones, you deviant.”

“You love it.” The pool wall was a dull scratchy sensation at my back as I levered myself to get both my legs around him. “You love _me_.” I was only teasing, but it brought Wil’s blush back in full force.

“Guess again, idiot.” He started to pull away and I let him, watching as he bobbed a few feet back. “Despite what you think, the whole world’s not in love with you.” I raised an eyebrow at that before turning around to lean on the pool edge.

“Can I help it if I’m this awesome?” It was a rhetorical question, and it was a little muffled where my face was pressed against my arm, but Wil answered it anyway.

“Trust me, you’re not winning any awards, unless it’s for the title of _worst_ ,” he said with a scoff before adding, “Worst son, worst boyfriend, worst _best friend_ —“

“Oi!” I spun around to counter that, but he was waiting for me and all I got was a wall of water in my face. “Right, you’re going down, Amstel,” I announced, and I launched off the wall to tackle him. I felt great – kinda floaty – and it occurred to me that I might be rolling again already. I’d had a few drinks to help things along this time and even Wil seemed different from usual. More confident. Like he could just take what he wanted…

“—Seb. Seb?”

I shook myself back when I realised Wil was calling me, but I’d been distracted staring at the little flecks in his green eyes, thinking they were kinda like freckles but for eyes. Eye freckles.

“What?” _Wil must never know he has cute eye freckles_.

“Y’were spacing out.” He didn’t seem to mind, judging by the incredibly soft smile on his face. _Goddamnit, Wilem van Amstel why are you so cute?_

“ _You’re_ spacing out.” A brilliant counter-argument. _Seb, you’re a genius._

“And you’ve got a leaf in your hair,” he added, picking said leaf off and flicking it away.

“You’re kinda beautiful.” _Wasn’t I gonna play this cool? Guess that plan’s out the window._

“Gee, thanks.” Wil chuckled like he didn’t believe me, flicking me lightly in the forehead but I managed to grab his fingers and I clung to them, the feeling of our hands hitting the water sending a slow wave up my arm until I felt like I was sinking into warmth.

“Really. Your eyes are pretty. I just noticed.”

“Ok, so you’re off your face,” he said genially, and I frowned when I realised he wasn’t getting it.

“You’re not listening to me.”

“I _am_ listening to you.” Cool fingers touched my cheek before knuckles brushed down my jaw. “But you’re saying weird shit.”

“You’re my favourite person, Wil.”

“See? Weird shit like that.” He laughed but I shook my head, his hand sliding down until he was covering my neck and I could feel my pulse fluttering wildly under his palm. I wondered if he could feel it too.  

“But you are,” I insisted. “I like you better than…well, anyone really.” I was screwing up my face and he laughed, water running down his arm as he reached up to run a finger lightly down my nose. I could feel the bump of every wrinkle under the soft touch. “So there. Favourite person.” I stuck my tongue out, feeling like that summed up my feelings on the matter and I watched as that drew his attention, eyes dropping to watch as I turned it into licking my lips.  

“I like you more than anyone else too,” he said, slowly and pausing to lick his own lips. “But for me it’s…different.”

“Yeah?” The water was lapping around us as I moved closer, streaming off me when I lifted my arms to slide them over his shoulders and we were almost nose to nose before he replied.

“Y-yeah.” The single word almost stuck in his throat. He was tripping over it and I didn’t bother fighting the smile on my lips.

“Explain.” It was a simple enough request, but Wil shook his head, nose brushing against mine a few times before he tilted his head forward, forehead resting lightly on mine.

“I can’t,” he said hoarsely, and he was squeezing his eyes shut, blocking everything out.

“S _how me then.”_ I felt light-headed when I touched his cheek, tipping his face up so that the tiniest tilt of my head had our lips brushing together and after that first soft touch he was chasing me, his kiss sending electric zings down my spine with every slick drag of his tongue and _I fucking knew you liked me, Wil. _He made a little noise in the back of his throat that sounded a lot like defeat but then he was pulling away, hands on my wrists as he extracted himself from the hold I had on him.

“I’m gonna take you home.” There was a splash of water and I realised it was Wil climbing out of the pool. I hadn’t even realised he’d moved. Everything felt unreal as I turned around, watching the ripples play havoc with the lights as Wil held out a hand to me. “C’mon, Seb. Time to go.”

***

Time.

Time felt weird.

One second I’d been in the pool, dragging my hands through the water and marvelling at the feeling of the water tension, and the way everything looked distorted through the bubble of water rushing over my arm and then I was standing outside Wil’s car, dripping with water as the lights flashed, Wil opening the door for me and insisting I get in. He kept saying he was gonna drive me home, but I didn’t _want_ to go home. I wanted to stay with Wil.

“For fucks sake, Seb,” he complained quietly, and I chuckled to myself as I slumped down in the front seat, thinking about how we were probably gonna ruin his car seats, both still dripping wet from the pool, but Wil didn’t seemed to care as he nudged my leg in further to close my door. “We gotta hurry up,” he said, already sliding into the driver’s seat. “Before this shit kicks in and we’re both fucked.” Just as Wil slid his phone onto the dash it lit up, and he checked it before darting a quick look at me and swiping it open to answer. “Hey Nat.”

 _“Wil? Where’d you guys fuck off to? You all good?”_ He’d answered it on speaker, already starting the car and the sound of music coming over the line combined with the rumble of the engine was making it hard to focus on Nat’s voice.

“I am – Seb’s trashed though. I’m taking him home.” I objected to that assessment but there wasn’t much I could do to argue with him. Besides, Wil had an arm out already, hand on my chest and effectively pinning me to the seat so I settled for watching him instead as he carefully put his phone down in the centre well. “You needa lift?”

“She’ll be fine,” I said, or thought I said, and presumably Nat had confirmed my assumptions, because while Wil seemed to be ignoring me he was answering her.

“K babe. Stay safe, catch ya later then.” He didn’t bother hanging up but the light was dimming anyway and we were already crawling down the street, Wil checking over his shoulder before chucking a u-turn. “Nat’s all good. Staying with some friend called Cait tonight.” I laughed at that and he gave me a look full of exasperation but I couldn’t explain. It was fucking funny though. “Can you belt up, please?” he asked, an edge of desperation creeping in now as he eyed me with concern. “If I have to explain I killed you in a car crash your ma’ll fucking murder me.”

“Ok,” I said, grabbing for a seatbelt a few times before I finally managed to make contact, and then again after I let it run through my fingers because the smooth sensation had been distracting and now I was back at square one.

“ _Jesus,_ you’re a fucking mess,” he muttered, and we were pulling over so Wil could lean over and do it for me, grabbing the belt and buckling me in. He smelt like chlorine and summer and fun and I closed my eyes to breathe it in. “ _Please God don’t let us die_.” I heard his softly spoken plea as we took off again, and the momentum of the car lurching forward was pushing me back into the seat, making it a struggle to sit upright.

***

“I thought you were taking me home.” Not that I was complaining, but as we pulled up in the garage at Wil’s place I frowned, sure this wasn’t the original plan.

“What d’you think’ll happen if you go home like this?” was his softly spoken accusation, and I grinned lazily, eyes closed, thinking of how ma’d go off if she could see me now.

“She’d be _pissed_.” It was funny even though I hated disappointing ma, and it was only the shadowy threat of my dad looming behind her that was wiping the smile off my face.

“Exactly.” Wil was watching me when I opened my eyes, a look of concern on his face and I reached out to touch him. “And my parents are out schmoozing so we’re in the clear here.” I grinned at the way that had sounded, sliding down in the seat more before tilting my head to look over at him.

“You’re so _responsible_ ,” I said, and the way it came out almst made it sound like a complaint but I didn’t mean it like that. My fingers were bumping into his shoulder as I reached for him, struggling upright to lean closer so my clumsy fingers could reach his neck. “Wilem Responsible van Amstel.” He smiled tightly, easily catching my hand and pulling it down. He was holding my hand in his lap though and I could work with that too, sliding my hand out of the loose hold and palming down his lap. His jeans were soaked-through, still wet and clinging but he was getting his door open, angling away from me.

“ _Someone_ has to be,” he said in a clipped tone, holding my hand while he unbuckled his seatbelt, keys clinking as he palmed them and there was a puff of air as his door closed behind him. My eyes slid shut again, listening to the sounds of the door next to me open, the click of my own seatbelt and the sliding sound of it retracting as Wil detangled it from me.

“I’m cold,” I said, punctuating it with a shiver, and Wil agreed.

“C’mon then. Upstairs.” There was an arm around my waist, guiding me up the stairs until we were safe in Wil’s bedroom. I was shivering now, hands rubbing my arms for warmth as Wil locked the door behind us.

“C’mere,” he said, gesturing me over with his crooked fingers. “Arms up.” I moved to comply, letting him pull my still-dripping shirt off me before I wrapped my arms around myself again.

“C-c-c-cold,” I said with another shiver, and Wil was quickly helping me step out of the jeans that were sticking to me, soaked from pulling them on over wet underwear. He stripped those off too, then rubbed me with the towel until I felt cold but mostly dry.

“Almost done. Arms up again,” he said encouragingly, and a warm, dry shirt was tugged down over my head. I got distracted, rubbing the soft fabric under my palm while Wil slid my pants off, urging me to step out of them and I had to lean on him for balance. “In the bed, Seb,” he said softly, and I climbed up gratefully, sinking into the soft covers as I listened to Wil getting changed somewhere over my shoulder.

My mouth felt really dry.

“You still breathing?” It was a joke, given the barely supressed chuckle, and I half-rolled, half-flopped over, blinking up at him in the yellow light from the lamp. He’d just towelled his hair off and it was sticking up in every direction, golden blond where the light caught it.

“Not gettin’ rid of me that easy,” I told him, struggling to sit up as he climbed up on the bed with me. I still felt cold and when he sat back against the wall I climbed into the space between his legs, dragging the blanket up over us as I leaned back on his chest. “ _Mmmthatsbetter_.”  

“You right there?” he asked, voice tinged with amusement.

“You’re warm,” I said in explanation, the heat leeching through my shirt was delicious and I huddled closer to it.

“Whatever.” I was being wrapped up, pulled tighter against him as he started to smooth his palm up and down my arm.

“S’nice,” I murmured, and he hummed his agreement. “ _Feelsnice_.” I felt him kiss my hair and I shifted until I was leaning back on one shoulder, Wil’s face tucked close so that his warm breath just feathered across my temple. “Mmmh.” I was just wordlessly moaning now, enjoying the feel of his hands on me too much to articulate it clearly.

“I like this.” Wil’s voice was quiet, and hesitant, and I wasn’t sure I’d heard him right.

“Mmh?”

“You being here. With me.” He paused, and when his hand stilled I shifted until he started up the slow drag again.

“Me too.” I paused, rolling my lips to try and moisten them. “Sometimes I think about being with you.” He didn’t answer and the hand on my arm had stilled again. “Like in a date-y way,” I added, just letting the words pour out as I thought them. “I’ve never actually dated a guy before,” I said slowly, feeling a sort of freeing relief that I was finally saying the words out loud. I’d been thinking about this for weeks, thinking about dating guys, and while it was scary and intimidating I’d realised I really, _really_ wanted too.

“You’re shit at relationships,” Wil said flatly, unimpressed.

“Yeah, I know.” I fidgeted again but he still wouldn’t move. “Keep touching me.” The stroking resumed, but he only trailed up and down my arm once before shifting to touch my chest. I wasn’t complaining though. The warmth leeching from his hand through my shirt felt nice.

“So what did you end up telling Anna?” he asked, and it sounded perfunctory, like he might already know the answer and was just seeking confirmation. I felt a lick of shame curling in my gut as I recalled the scene. It really hadn’t been my finest moment.

“Dunno. Don’t remember.”

“Worst. Boyfriend. Ever,” he deadpanned, and I giggled as his fingers slipped under the hem of my shirt.

“I’m good at other things,” I murmured, clumsily dragging my shirt higher to give his wandering hand better access. “Bet I can get you off in less than ten minutes.”

“Why’s it always a competition with you?” It was a mild complaint at best – the hand had crept higher under my shirt until his fingers could splay warm over my rapidly beating heart.

“I dunno. Habit?” I reached back, fingers tangling in his hair as I turned to meet his lips with mine, kissing him with intent. “Wil,” I said softly, only drawing back far enough to get the words out before I kissed him hungrily again. “I really wanna fuck you.”

“Yeah,” he murmured back, and I broke away long enough to twist around fully, leaning into him as his hands settled on my neck warm and heavy. “I really—“ Lips, tongue – short fingernails scraping lightly over my skin, “—really want you to fuck me, too.” I was clawing at his shirt and he stopped to let me pull it over his head, then he was returning the favour, tugging my shirt up until I had to raise my arms for him to pull it free. “C’mere,” he urged, a hand sliding along my jaw and I melted into the touch. I felt hot everywhere he was touching me, and it seemed more important to meet the gentle sweep of his tongue in my mouth than breathe.

“You’re my favourite person to kiss,” I told him, and I felt his lips curve in a smile.

“Shut up, Seb, you’re drunk,” he whispered, but he still let me kiss him again. Somehow I was under him, his body a reassuring weight crushing me into the mattress and I arched up into the touch as his hand dragged up my side before splaying over my ribs, fingers fanning out before digging in. My breath caught in my chest looking at him. Wil was beautiful, all cream-coloured skin and golden-blond hair. This close I could see every faded freckle dusted over his nose and before I realised I’d moved I was touching his face carefully, thumb tracing over the arch of his eyebrow before sweeping down the curve of his cheek.

“You stopped.” My words tumbled out into the silence, disappearing into a void until I wasn’t sure I’d even said it out loud. Wil’s lips were parted, soft breaths making his chest press against me before he licked his lips.

“I’m in love with you.” The way he said it caught me off guard, because he’d just dropped it like a truth bomb and he actually looked _relieved_ now, like he’d confessed some great secret and now it wasn’t weighing him down anymore. “I know you don’t love me,” he added, sounding equally certain.

“Wil—“

“It’s ok,” he said quickly, cutting me off. “I don’t care.” That tongue was darting out to moisten his lips again, and then that freckled nose was coming closer. I shut my eyes, surrendering to the feel of his mouth on mine, those slow kisses I’d missed so much lately. No one else kissed me like Wil did. Warm hands dragged down my chest, stealing the cold from my skin and exchanging it with heat and I arched into the touch.

“I love it when you touch me,” I murmured encouragingly but his hand stopped on it’s slow slide down to my hip and I reached down to grab it, fingers closing over his and tugging it higher again, up to my throat until he was pressing over one of the marks he’d left on me earlier. “Love your mouth on me.” He’d got the idea now, his hand warm on my neck as his thumb brushed almost lazily over the bruise, the delicious ache making me tremble.

“Does it hurt?” he asked softly, eyes fixed on the mark and I wondered what it looked like. Was it purpling already?

“Yeah, in the best kind of way.” I hoped it was massive and lasted all week. I was already planning on wearing t-shirts to show it off until it faded.

“Weirdo,” he scoffed lightly, thumb pausing in its gentle sweeps and his lower lip caught in his teeth, eyes focused as he pressed down, slowly increasing the pressure until I flinched. “Sorry!” he said immediately, letting go but I grabbed his hand before he could take it away.

“Do it again,” I begged, feeling my pulse throb under the palm pressed to my throat. “Do it and kiss me.” His hand shifted, lining up his thumb again and he leaned back to check the positioning before moving closer again.

“I don’t wanna hurt you,” he whispered, lips just brushing mine and I tilted my face up to kiss him more firmly.

“You’re not.” He was already pressing lightly again and I bucked my hips under him, chasing friction. “Feels good, Wil. Everything you do feels so good.”

“You promise?”

“I swear.”

“You’d tell me if I hurt you?” He looked so worried, and I reached out to smooth the furrow in his brow.

“Relax, Wil. You _can’t_ hurt me.” He still felt warmer than me, his cheek hot under my cool palm, and I tipped my head up to catch his lips again, fingers sliding into this hair to pull him deeper into the kiss. God, I could just keep doing this _forever_ , it felt so fucking good. There was a hand on my ribs, sliding around to press into my back as Wil pulled me closer and when we broke apart to catch our breath there were more words tumbling out of my mouth. “I wanna come out at school.” I heard Wil swallow, heard his every shallow breath in the silence.

“Are you sure?” he asked eventually, and I leaned into the touch of his hand on my throat again as it slid down to palm over the pulse that was throbbing in the bruise he’d made. “You’ve never wanted that before.”

“I know, but…yeah, I think so – I mean this is me, right? I’m not changing.” It made so much sense the more I’d thought about it, because I was getting sick of just looking at guys and never getting to do anything. Wil was the only one who knew, the only boy I’d ever kissed. But if I wanted to kiss boys I needed them to know I was into that, so… “Shouldn’t I just get it over with?” Wil considered it for a bit, eyes searching mine.

“You’re gonna end up explaining yourself over and over,” he warned. He didn’t sound very excited.  

“Why, how fucking hard is it to grasp?” I asked, feeling a little exasperated that he wasn’t on board with this. “I like guys, too.”

“You know that,” he said quickly, leaning down to punctuate it with a quick kiss. “And I know that.” He kissed me again, his warm fingers curling around the back of my neck to draw me in deeper for this one, and when he pulled back the worry on his face had softened a little. “Not everyone’ll understand,” he said, sounding like he was almost disappointed but I shrugged it off.   

“Not everyone has too,” I said simply. “I’ve got the important ones covered.” That made him smile for a moment, before it froze a little at the edges and a second later I knew exactly why.   

“You gonna tell your parents, too?” I screwed up my face, nose wrinkling and Wil finally laughed, still smiling as his fingertip dragging down my nose until I relaxed again.

“I think I wanna tell ma,” I said eventually, and Wil nodded like he agreed with what I’d left unsaid. “Work out the rest later.”

“Just don’t tell _my_ ma,” he said darkly, rolling off me and lying on his back, and I shuffled onto my side, head cushioned on one arm to watch him as he stared up at the ceiling. “She’s already told me like a hundred times how disappointed she is you’re not gay,” he darted a quick look at me before he added in a disbelieving tone, “I think she _ships_ us.” I laughed at that, relieved when Wil laughed too because I could still hear his words from earlier echoing in my mind – _I’m in love with you_. 

“Does that mean I have Mamma Amstel’s approval?” I teased.

“Who needs approval?” he scoffed lightly, but it was a fond look on his face as he rolled onto his side to face me. “She’s crazy anyway. You’re a fucking liability.” My usual response to Wil’s mild insults was stuck in my throat, the casual _you love me_ too real for jokes right now.

“Aw, she just wants the best for her precious little baby.”

“And you’re the best, are you?” he countered, but he was already sliding a leg in-between mine, a hand warm and heavy on my hip tugging me closer. “I had no idea, you should’ve said something,” he continued dryly as I tightened my thighs around him.

“Shut up, Wil,” I shot back, and he looked like he was gonna call me out on my weak come-back, so I cut him off with a kiss instead.


	12. I Rearranged My Life For You And All You Got Me Was Disappointment

Chapter 12: I Rearranged My Life For You And All You Got Me Was Disappointment

_These friends, they don't love you  
They just love the hotel suites, now_

_I don’t care what you think as long as it’s about me,_   
_The best of us can find happiness in misery_

– I Don’t Care by Fall Out Boy

 

**14 th Jan, 10.11am, Surfers Paradise. 2 days 23 hours and 56 minutes until it all gets fucks up**

**Current mood: I Don’t Care**

“Get up, Seb, you fucking slob.” The cushion I’d been using as a pillow was unceremoniously yanked out from under my head and I stared blearily up at the blurry figure looming over me.

“ _Naaat_ ,” I whined, and I felt the blanket start to drag of me. “Fuck off, what’re you doin’?” I gripped it tight, fighting to keep it as she tugged it futilely.

“Liv’s coming over and you’re making the place look untidy,” she said, without a trace of sympathy for the current condition of my head, which was hovering somewhere around _stomped on by wildebeests_.  

“ _Whyyy_?” A particularly hard tug had the blanket slipping from my fist, and I curled up as the cool air-conditioned air hit my naked skin.

“Jesus Christ, _where are your pants_?” she screeched dramatically, and I groaned as the balled-up blanket landed back on my lap with a _thump_.

“Serves you right,” I muttered, still very much committed to returning to sleep as I dragged it back over me, kicking it out to cover my legs again. _That’ll teach her for waking people up at this ungodly hour._

“C’mon, Seb.” _Or maybe not_. She’d resorting to begging now. “Please? I don’t care if you sleep – I prefer it really – just do it somewhere else.”

“ _Unnng_.”  I dragged myself upright, blinking blearily as I looked around the room, eyes settling on the miraculously clear coffee table. “We’ve been robbed,” I said, spotting Nat just coming back from the kitchen with a dishcloth and I frowned down at the bare glass.

“Your precious coke’s safe,” she huffed impatiently, bending to wipe it clean in a few quick passes. “Everything’s back in the couch hidey-thingy. Real secure, by the way. It was literally the first place I checked. Now move your butt, I’m busy.”

“Whatever.” I pulled the blanket around my shoulders like a cape, getting up to shuffle towards Wil’s room. “Just keep it down, alright? Some of us are sleeping.”

“Oh, you mean like you did last night?” she shot back sarcastically, and despite my exhaustion I was grinning to myself as I kicked Wil’s door closed again behind me. 

“Budge up, Wil,” I mumbled, not waiting for a reply as I climbed into bed with him, yawning wide as my head hit the pillow. He didn’t even stir, and I turned my head on the pillow to watch his sleeping face. “Can’t believe you left me on the couch, traitor,” I said softly, reaching up to poke him in the cheek but he was still out like a light, dead to the world, completely oblivious as I shuffled closer. “I’m gonna make you pay for that.”

“ _Mmmurgh_.” I chuckled as I finally got a rise out of him, but without opening his eyes he pushed at me until I rolled over, and his arm settled heavily over me to pull me back into his chest. Satisfied, I shifted to get comfortable, relaxing into the warmth and letting myself drift back to sleep.

“G’night, Wil.”

***

**14 th Jan, 2.52pm, Surfers Paradise. 2 days 19 hours and 15 minutes until everything’s broken**

The voices from the living room had woken me up – _loud_ voices that I was sure were being deliberately aimed in my direction and I shot a disgusted look at the closed door doing little to protect me from the disturbance.

“It’s noon-thirty, people are trying to sleep!” I yelled, voice horse and cracking and it was greeted with evil cackles that confirmed for me that both Nat and Liv were out there. I wondered where Wil was because he wasn’t in bed with me.

“Try nearly three, you idle sloth!” Nat shouted back, and I groaned as I tried to free my legs of the sheets caught around them – I’d rolled myself up in my sleep.

 _“Fucken inconsiderate_ ,” I mumbled to myself, looking for something to wear and pulling on Wil’s Christmas pj pants, choosing not to acknowledge the fact they were just a little too long in the leg. I could still hear them giggling and I didn’t think either of them had any right to sound so cheerful after everything we’d drank last night. “Alright, I’m up,” I announced as I pulled open the bedroom door, eyes scanning over the faces turned towards me. “Are you happy now?”

“Well you sound grumpy so yeah, pretty happy,” Nat said from the couch. 

“Where’s Wil?” I asked, looking around the otherwise empty apartment.

“Dunno,” Nat said with a shrug. “He moped around for ages then took off, ‘bout an hour ago.” _Sounds like Wil._

“And what’re _you_ doing here?” I said, fixing Liv with a stare that she unflinchingly returned.

“Making new friends,” she said evenly, and I didn’t like the look in her eye, or the huge shit-eating grin spreading over her face. “I didn’t know you used to sleep with a teddy.”

“Yeah, when I was _five_ ,” I pointed out.

“Try _fifteen_ , cuz,” Nat said triumphantly. “Hey! Do you still have Honey-butt?” She sounded genuinely curious but Liv had just dissolved into giggles, arms wrapped around herself as she quietly mouthed the words “ _honey-butt_ ”. I slapped a hand over my face, getting the feeling that nothing I did today was gonna turn out right.

“It was _Mister_ Honey-butt,” I told them, hoping Liv couldn’t tell how absolutely mortifying this was. “He was a European honey bee and can you please _shut the fuck up, Nat_.” She was still sniggering, not even trying to hide it and 100% unapologetic as she got up to kneel on the couch, holding out a box of doughnuts and shaking them invitingly.

“Go get dressed, cuz. Nakey people don’t get doughnuts.” She opened the box like it was a treasure chest but made sure it was out of my reach as I stepped closer.

“What’s this then?” I pulled at the leg of my stolen pjs for emphasis. “Gimme a jam one.” I held a hand out expectantly and she made a face like she was considering it. “C’mon, Nat,” I said impatiently. “I gotta go shower.” She curled her lip at me.

“Yeah, no kidding,” she said. “You can have one now on the condition you shower immediately,” she added, reluctantly handing me a sugar-dusted doughnut. “You smell like a whore-house.”

“Cheers, bitch,” I said around a mouthful, already shuffling to my own room.

“You’re welcome, hoe!” she called back far too cheerfully.

“You’d better not’ve messed up my room,” I grumbled.

“Oh yeah, thanks for that!” Nat called back. I acknowledged it with a grunt, mouth too full of doughnut to reply properly as I got my door open, having first wiped the powdered sugar off on my chest.

“If _that’s_ Seb’s room, who’s room was he just in?” I heard Liv ask quietly, and my lips stretched into a grin as Nat obliviously informed her it was Wil’s. _Serves you right for being a nosy bitch_ , I thought nastily, wishing I could’ve seen the look on her face and hoping Nat told her what she’d overheard happening on the couch last night. Maybe she did – Liv was gone by the time I re-emerged, feeling clean and marginally more awake.

“Where’s your new bff?” I asked, snagging another doughnut before Nat could move them away from me.

“Gone home – you and your fucking hickeys scared her off,” she said accusingly, uncurling from where she’d been sitting in the corner of the couch.

“Good,” I said as emphatically as I could around a mouthful. “She’s mates with Anna, I don’t want her hanging around here.”

“Liv is her own person, and my _friend_ ,” Nat countered, and I raised an eyebrow at her. “So deal with it.” She stuck her tongue out at me and I rolled my eyes.

“You’re such a child,” I complained, and she stretched out a leg to poke me with her pointed toes.

“Says the one with doughnut all over his face,” she retorted, and I reached up to wipe the corner of my lips, licking the jam and sugar off my finger.

“Seriously, watch out for her,” I said, frowning as I added, “She’s a snake.”

“People say worse things about you, y’know,” Nat informed me dryly, looking supremely unimpressed at my warning.

“And I thought the masses were ignorant.” She laughed in spite of herself, but then her smile turned into a smirk, like she knew something I didn’t.

“Liv’s been telling me all about your little bender these last few weeks.”

“See? A fucking snake,” I said, eyes closing as I relaxed back into the cushions. “How hard is it to keep a secret.”

“Depends who you’re talking to, cuz,” she said, a confidence in her tone as she stretched out, feet landing in my lap and I was too tired to push them off. “No one can resist my charms.” I summoned the strength and pushed her feet down my lap until they slid off my knees.

“Watch me.” But it was an empty threat, and when she moved her feet back to their original position I didn’t resist. If Nat thought she had me whipped, she’d be less inclined to pay close attention to me, and that suited me just fine.

***

“Can’t you do that on the terrace?” Nat whined and I turned towards her, blowing the smoke in her direction and trying not to laugh and choke as she scrambled off the couch to get away. “Arsehole.”

“My house, my rules,” I said, checking the piece and flicking the lighter again. Still a bit more.

“I think you’ll find it’s your mother’s house actually,” she said snippily, and I shrugged, still concentrating on the bong. “And what’ll she think about you stinking up the place?”

“What she doesn’t know won’t hurt her.” True on so many levels, but at this point a little weed-stench in the curtains was the least of my worries. I took the hit, letting it fill my lungs and holding before letting it out in a slow steady stream. “You wanna hit?” I held it out, noting the moment of indecision before she shook her head and the holier-than-thou expression of all reformed drug addicts was firmly back in place.

“ _No_.” She sank onto the other couch, as far away as she could get without leaving the living room. “And can you put it away now, please?”

“Suit yourself.” I left it on the coffee table, very amused by the way she kept trying not to look at it. “So how _was_ rehab, anyway?”

“ _Uggh_.” She slumped down, picking her feet up to lie back on the couch, feet hanging over the armrest. “Two words: group therapy.”

“Ew.”

“I fucken _know_.”

“So why’d you stay?”

“It wasn’t exactly up to me, Seb.” She frowned up at the ceiling, deep in thought. “But I needed it, y’know?”

“You were alright,” I insisted, half-convinced. I vividly remembered the day my aunt and uncle had ditched their only daughter at an institution. I’d yelled at every adult relative I had for at least a week but it hadn’t changed anyone’s mind.

“They found me in the next-door-neighbours pond, Seb. I thought I was a _mermaid_ ,” she said, cringing and pulling a cushion over her face.

“Yeah, well I once woke up at the Palace _dressed_ like a mermaid – you’re not special.” She snorted a laugh at that, sitting up and chucking the cushion to the end of the couch before rolling to her feet.

“Thanks, Seberino. You always manage to make me feel like less of a fuck-up.” I gave her a lazy two-fingered salute and she shook her head at me before walking off.

“Where’re you going?”

“Can I _pee_?” she asked dramatically, turning and walking backwards for a few steps so I could appreciate the eye roll she was giving me.

“I’ll allow it,” I said graciously, and the closed door muffled her laughter, but then a rattle at the front door drew my attention and I looked over in time to see Wil come in. “And where’ve you been?” I asked as Wil hung his keys up noisily, kicking the door closed with his foot because his hands were full.

“Shopping,” he said simply.

“All day?”

“I wasn’t awake _all day_ ,” he shot back, and don’t think I didn’t notice that neatly sidestepped the question.

“Well aren’t you fucking sassy,” I drawled, and he shot me an amused look.

“Since you asked, I’ve been hanging out with Damien.” He looked so fucking pleased with himself too. Time to mess with him.

“Oh, you were _babysitting_ ,” I said with deliberate coolness, waiting until I could see the tips of Wil’s ears turn red before I allowed myself a victory smile.

“Actually, I kinda was,” Wil said, sounding much less annoyed and more fond than I’d been shooting for. “We looked after his step-sister all afternoon.” The mental image was there before I could shut it down. “She’s cute, for a five year old. We took her to the beach.”

“Gross.” Well _that_ backfired. I needed to change the subject before the soft look on Wil’s face gave me a full-on stomach ache.

“So what’s in the bags?”

“Dinner stuff.” That piqued my interest. I hadn’t eaten besides doughnuts and I was _starving_.

“You cooking again?”

“If you wanna eat you can get your arse over here and help,” he said over the rustle of plastic as various ingredients were laid out on the bench.

“But Wiiiilll,” I moaned, sliding off the couch to the floor. “I suck at domestic shit.”

“I know,” he said smugly. “But you gotta learn sometime so buck up.” I stayed slumped on the floor for another few seconds, wondering how my life had got to this point.

“What’re we making then?” I asked, getting to my feet slowly but I didn’t miss the little triumphant smirk on Wil’s face. Well, he wouldn’t be smirking later when I fucked everything up.

“Stir-fry. It’s literally the easiest thing in the fucking world – you can buy everything already cut up so you have no excuse to starve.” Despite his words I could see he’d already got out a chopping board, and he’d just put a huge knife on it.

“What’s that for then?”

“I said you _can_ buy everything cut up, not that I did.” He was washing something under the tap and by the time I got to the kitchen he was balancing a capsicum on the board. “Think you can manage to slice this?”

“Think you can manage a trip to the emergency department?” I quipped back, but I picked up the knife anyway, testing the sharpness by stabbing the fruit lightly. The blade sliced right in. “Yeah, I’m totally gonna lose a finger.” Wil laughed at my darkly muttered prediction.

“No bleeding on the ingredients,” he admonished, and I reluctantly sliced all the way through, wishing there weren’t quite so many seeds because if Wil laughed at me struggling with this one more time I was just gonna bail and let him deal with it.

“Oh my god, the world’s ending,” a sarcastic voice drawled and I shot Nat a dirty look. “You sure you want this klutz’s help, Wil?” She eyed the uneven strips I’d managed to make critically. “You know he nearly burnt down the kitchen once right?”

“Don’t pick on him, Nat, he needs to learn this shit,” Wil admonished. She’d slid into the space between us and when she tried to sneak a piece of capsicum I slapped her hand away. “And that was a joint effort anyway – we were making cannabutter.”

“Pfft!” Nat gave up on stealing food as she doubled over laughing. “Wow, that’s not the story I heard.”

“Obviously,” I told her impatiently, pushing her out of the way and scraping the fruits of my labour into a bowl Wil was holding out. “I told ma we were doing a science experiment.”

“So did it work?” she asked, successfully sneaking a piece from the bowl because Wil just fucking _let her_. “Your edibles, I mean?”

“Yep,” Wil informed her proudly. “We got so body stoned we didn’t notice the mixing bowl slowly melting on the hotplate.”

“ _Jesus Christ_ ,” Nat muttered, but she was grinning. “You two’re crazy.”

“You gonna get in here and help, woman?” I gestured to the board where Wil had just deposited an onion but Nat was backing away, hands up like she was fending it off.

“Nope, I’ve got a dinner-date. Try not to set fire to the stove this time, k boys?” She winked and flounced off and I rolled my eyes before turning to the onion. I could do this.

***

I actually managed to not fuck up, although to be fair Wil wasn’t really letting me do much of the real cooking part.

“C’mon, it done yet?” I was crowding closer, trying to steal a bite but Wil just snatched the wooden spoon out of my hand.

“Patience, jeez, why’re you so fucking hungry?” I turned to stare pointedly at the coffee table and Wil followed my line of sight to see the bong. “Oh.” He chuckled and gave the contents of the wok another stir. “Go get a bowl, then. It’s nearly ready.” I was almost proud as he ladled a generous helping into the bowl I held out expectantly, because it looked and smelled _fantastic_ and I’d _helped_.

“Mmh, fuck I’m good,” I murmured at the first taste, and at Wil’s quiet chuckle I shot him a look.

“I wouldn’t quit your day job just yet,” he cautioned before shoving a forkful in his mouth.

“What? You don’t think I could be a chef?” I was kidding. I was under no illusions – cooking really wasn’t for me. I’d just stick to what I was good at, _thank you very much_.

“You’re not exactly Jamie Oliver,” he said dryly, pausing to consider it for a second. “Maybe Gordon Ramsey.”

“Fucken oath,” I agreed heartily.

“So what’ve you been doing all day?” Wil asked.

“Sleeping mostly,” I admitted, lips curving in a smile as Wil chuckled. “Had a smoke, hung out with Nat.” The smile faded a little at the corners when I remembered Liv had been over earlier. He hummed like he was only half-listening, and while I wanted to know what he’d been actually doing all day I was pretty sure I wouldn’t like the answer so instead I picked up my bowl, relocating to the couch. “You wanna smoke after this?” I called over, and by the time I’d slumped on the couch Wil was sliding off his seat to join me.

“Yeah, I could go a few,” he said with a non-committal shrug. “So who’s Nat’s dinner date with?” I laughed, a derisive sound that had Wil looking up curiously.

“Get this – she’s still chasing Liv.” Wil looked less amused than I thought he should be.

“Why’s that so funny?” he asked, perfectly seriously.

“Um, how bout coz Liv’s so into you she hasn’t dated anyone in years?” I shot back, but Wil was unimpressed.

“Maybe she’s just been waiting for the right person to come along?” he suggested mildly, and I shook my head.

“Don’t tell me you’re feeding into Nat’s delusions too.” I’d know Liv longer than Wil had – she’d been my friend first and I’d never seen her be into anyone else. “Liv’s not into chicks, trust me,” I told him confidently, and Wil shrugged like it didn’t matter.

“If you say so.”

“Damn straight.” I smiled at the unintentional pun for a moment, before sinking back into the cushions thoughtfully. Why did it feel like no one took me seriously these days? Maybe I was losing my touch.

***

“You gonna help me with these dishes or what?” Wil called from the kitchen, and I blew out a steady stream of smoke before I replied.

“Just leave ‘em,” I called back, sinking back on the couch after setting the bong back on the table.

“And the magic cleaning fairy will wash them, right?” he said, heavy on the sarcasm.

“No, that’s who’s doing them right now.”

“Them’s fighting words, King.” I felt a breeze and I opened my eyes to see Wil looming over me, a dishtowel still in his hands and presumably what he’d just snapped over my face. “You’re the worst fucking housemate.”

“You love me.” He frowned and chucked the towel on the coffee table.

“You wish.” He was eyeing the bong, and when he turned to look over his shoulder at the kitchen I picked up the lighter, watching as the snap and fizzle of the gas flame dragged his attention back to me. “Gimme,” he said on a sigh, and I grinned as he snatched for the lighter anyway. My thumb released the catch, the flame going out so I could hide it in my hand.

“What’s the password?”

“Gimme the fucken lighter.” I grinned when he made another grab for it.

“Close. I’ll give you a hint: use tongue.” He grabbed my hand this time, and I clenched my fist tighter.

“I’m not kissing you for a fucking hit, Seb, so give it up.” He sounded almost tired when he said it and I let him pry my fingers open.

“I’m fucken tryin’,” I shot back, but when he folded his arms at me I gave in. “Suit yourself.” I shrugged and handed it over, half expecting him to leave with his prize but he flopped down on the couch next to me, dragging the bong closer. The couch compartment was flipped open and the weed appeared and I slumped back to watch him pack it, wondering what he was sulking about now. The low buzz of my phone vibrated on the leather of the couch and I slid my phone out to check it, rolling my eyes at my mother’s contact flashing up on the screen. “Ugh.”

“You gonna answer?” Wil asked, pausing with the bong halfway to his lips already.

“Nah, you go ahead.” I waved him on, leaning forward to slide my phone onto the coffee table just as it stopped buzzing. For a few moments there was just the rolling bubble of the water, and I closed my eyes to listen to Wil take the hit. Maybe I’d hit it again after him. Those good vibes from earlier were all but gone already.

“Here.” I opened one eye to see Wil holding it out for me – realised he’d packed it for me already. “You going again?” I sat up to take it, registering the sounds of Wil moving around to put some music on before he settled back on the couch with me.

“I miss this,” I said, and my voice came out all soft and tinged with melancholy so that when Wil laughed it was weirdly jarring. I squinted over at him he was looking at me like I was an idiot.

“You do this every day,” he said, making it sound like an accusation and I shrugged as I took the hit.

“I meant I miss hanging out like this.” My mother chose that moment to try ringing again, and the phone buzzed loudly on the glass.

“You gonna get that?”

“Nope.” I took the last of the swirling smoke, holding it as long as I could this time and then the bong went back on the table, next to my phone still lighting up with missed calls. “Don’t move.” I punctuated my verbal warning with a hand on Wil’s chest as I turned to lie back, using his thigh as a pillow. For a moment I thought he was gonna kick me off but then I felt him relax. He didn’t touch my hair though and I felt a tiny flame of resentment at the indirect rejection. Wil knew how much I liked people playing with my hair. “So how’d you pull up this morning, anyway?” His leg stiffened again but that was the only acknowledgement I got. “Y’were pretty trashed. Special occasion?”

“Something like that.”

“Well hey, I’m not complaining.” My eyes closed as I shifted to get comfortable. “Anytime you wanna repeat jus’ lemme know.”

“Yeah…” he said slowly, which in Wil speak I knew meant _no_. “That’s not a thing, hey.”

“You weren’t complaining last night.”

“I was really drunk last night.” If my eyes hadn’t been closed I would’ve been rolling them. 

“So it’s back to being too good for me, huh?” Not that I hadn’t expected it but he didn’t have to be such a bitch about it.

“Yep.” Wil was pushing me off his lap, reaching for the bong again. He stopped when my phone lit up again, and the buzzing sounded even louder this time. “Seb, just answer the goddamn phone,” Wil complained, but I could see it was ma calling again and I reached out to push it further away, watching it slide over the glass tabletop and buzz noisily at us.

“You just don’t get the concept of “hiding from your parents”, do you?” I asked archly as it finally went to message, buzzing again a moment later as yet another missed call note lit up the screen.

“Just find out what she wants,” he advised as an honest-to-god message came through this time. “It’s probably important.”

“I already know what she wants,” I muttered, leaning over to drag it closer again and swiping open the long note to read it, thankful that I’d turned off read messages years ago. “She’ll be nagging about job hunting again…” I trailed off as I read, because it looked like I was wrong. “Or not – get this,” I said, and Wil looked over in interest. “She’s just put the Florence house up for sale.”

“The townhouse?” he asked, and I nodded stiffly. “Bummer.” I silently agreed. “There goes your grand scheme of doing the Mediterranean on the cheap,” he added, and I forced a smile as I clicked off my phone without acknowledging the message.

“Like it matters,” I lied, feeling a twinge in my chest at the thought of strangers living in that place, trampling all over my fond memories. “Hotels are easier anyway.” I gestured to the mess the living room had once again become. “Less cleaning up.”

“How hard is it to pick up after yourself, Seb?” he chastised, but he was just as bad as I was. His jeans draped over the back of the couch was proof enough of that.

“Life’s too short for that shit.” A phone dinged and I automatically looked down at the one in my hand, but it was Wil’s this time, which I should’ve known by the way the music had dipped for the sound to come through.

“God help whoever ends up stuck with you,” he said distractedly, and I narrowed my eyes as a slow smile spread over his face as he started typing a reply.

“Who’s texting you?”

“Day.”

“Weren’t you just with him?” _Like all fucking afternoon?_

“Aaaand your point is?” he said, drawing it out sarcastically and he hadn’t even looked up from the screen. It was annoying me more than I cared to admit. He’d chucked it on silent now but I could see from this angle another text had come through.

“What’ve you still got to talk about?” I asked, feeling like that was obvious but Wil was so engrossed it took him almost a minute to respond. I let the silence drag out just to prove the point.

“Huh? Um, Instagram.” _Very good, Wil_ , I thought sarcastically. _Anything else?_ “We’re talking photos.”

“Well don’t let me get in the fucking way.” I had his attention now but not in a good way, because the look in his eyes as he watched me get up and stalk towards the kitchen was _amused_.

“What’s up your arse today,” he commented mildly, and I didn’t dignify it with an answer. I just grabbed a drink from the fridge and instead of heading back to the couch I just detoured to grab the bong, heading for the roof terrace. “Seb?” I ignored him, annoyed that I was still second choice because he was literally dragging his attention away from Damien, eyes already turning back to his phone.

“Forget it, Mr Photographer. Do your shady deals.” He laughed, how much of it was for me I don’t know because by the time I slid the door closed behind me he was already smiling down at his phone again.

***

**7 years ago, Wil’s bedroom the night after Anna’s party**

_“Seb, thank god you’re here!”_

Anna’s arms tightened around me, and I’d though she was behind me but now she was looking up at me, tears in her eyes.

_“Why don’t you love me anymore?”_

She kept changing, hair down and messy, eyes red-rimmed and shiny then suddenly smiling and happy, fingers carding through her hair to push it back and flashing me a flirtatious smile before the tears were back and the whole cycle started again.

 _“I can’t believe you’re ditching me for Wil again.”_ There was an edge to the offhand comment, the image of a red-eyed crying Anna stripping it of its light-hearted overtone even as I heard her laugh.

_“I think I’m falling in love with you.”_

Cold dread seized me, making my chest feel tight.

 _“You spend more time with Wil than you do with me.”_ She was pouting at me now, tears gone and arms folded, her foot tapping in an image that was so familiar I was groaning to see it now. _“If you love him so much you should probably go be his boyfriend.” _

_No,_ I tried to say. _It’s not like that_ , but when I opened my mouth no sound was coming out.

_“Don’t lie, Seb.”_

_I’m not lying!_ I thought, and my stomach was filling up with heavy guilt, but everything was fading to black until all I could hear was Anna’s voice, strangely clearly.

“No, that’s ok Mrs van Amstel. I’ll just knock on his door.”

I sat bolt upright, realising in a rush that a) I’d been dreaming and b) Anna was actually _here_ , as in walking up the stairs to Wil’s bedroom and holy shit that was her knocking oh _shit_.

 _“Wil? You up? I really need to talk to you,”_ her voice called through the door and I turned to check if Wil was awake in time to see him push the blankets down to his still-naked chest, eyes wide in his pale face. Even in the gloom every freckle was standing out sharply.

 _“Oh fuck me,”_ he whispered at the ceiling, and suddenly everything just seemed really fucking funny.

“You gonna get that?” I asked, voice low to avoid carrying and he squeezed his eyes shut for a few long seconds like he was trying to wish her away. “Ok, I’ll get it,” I said, making to get out of bed and instantly he was jolted into action, pushing me down to crawl over me.

“Hang on!” he called out loudly, and I guess I could see how this could get messy but you gotta see the funny side, right? Already I was having a hard time keeping a straight face. Not Wil though, he was going into full-on panic mode as he scrambled out of bed, pulling on underwear and the first shirt he could find before turning back to me with a pleading look. “ _Please shut up,_ ” he begged, practically mouthing the words in his desperation to stay quiet. I wondered if I should tell him he’d just dressed in my shirt from last night, but I figured I’d let nature take its course, rolling my eyes theatrically as I sank back to the pillows. I almost pulled the blankets up to cover my head because if Wil wanted to pretend I wasn’t here then I was gonna pretend too, but a second later I decided I wanted to witness this.

“ _Wil? I’m serious, this is important.”_ The door handle rattled and Wil, still half-naked, swung around to stare at it in horror. When it didn’t open I heard him breathe a sigh of relief. He owed me – I was almost always the one who locked it.

“Coming, hang on,” he called back, hopping awkwardly as he pulled on a pair of shorts and then he unlocked the door, opening it just a crack with his foot wedged behind it to keep her from coming in. “What d’you want, Anna?” he asked, and he faked a yawn. “It’s really fucking early.”

“It’s one fifteen,” she said, sounding slightly alarmed and I tried not to laugh out loud.

“Well I had a late night.”

“So I’ve heard.” It was amazing how even though I couldn’t see her face I could still perfectly picture the look of supreme disappointment she must be wearing right now. “Which is why I’m here.” I waited for her to elaborate, or Wil to respond, and after a moment of neither happening she pushed at the door. “Can I come in?”

“No.” Wil sounded slightly panicked and I was already shaking my head. This was not going well.

“ _No_?” she repeated incredulously. “Why not?” I could tell she hadn’t planned for this. Anna usually had a script, every line thought out and perfect and Wil wasn’t playing along. It was throwing her off her game and nothing made me happier.

“Because there’s someone here, okay?” he said in an urgent whisper, and _Oh Wil_ , I thought, dragging the covers back over my head just to muffle the laughter. You just can’t help it, can you? Digging your own grave.

“Wil.” Her voice had turned low and dangerous, dropping all friendly pretences. “It’d better not be my boyfriend.” _Boom, there it is_ , I thought evilly. _Back on script and that’s my cue._

“For fucks sake, Anna!” I called loudly, because this was happening whether Wil wanted it to or not, and it’s not like I could’ve just laid low and listened to this shit for much longer anyway.

“ _Jesus_ ,” Wil muttered and he pushed the door wider, giving up and letting her in as I sat up, hand up to shield my eyes in the sudden light. The look of shock on her face was so real for a moment I wasn’t sure if it was faked, but it’d only lasted for a second before she covered it up with a cool mask of indifference.

“So,” she said, eyes trailed over my naked torso to the blankets pooling at my waist. “Care to explain what _you’re_ doing here?” She’d crossed her arms, chin up as I dragged a hand through my hair which must’ve looked pretty epically sex-mussed, but to be honest it was probably mostly from the swimming.

“What does it look like – book club?” I drawled, and the mask slipped for a second as she glared at me.

“Look, Anna, things happened last night,” Wil started to explain in the silence, his expression earnest. “But we were both really drunk and—“

“Save it, Wil,” Anna said, cutting him off with a hand in his face. “I don’t wanna hear your excuses.”

“And what _do_ you wanna hear, Anna?” I asked sharply, because she’d just brushed past Wil to stand next to the bed, doing her best to loom over me but I wasn’t intimidated, leaning back on one arm to look up at her. “Why are you even here?” She hesitated for just a second, lips parted around an unsaid syllable but then she changed tack.

“I fucked Andy last night. Thought you might want to know.”

She just dropped it like a bomb, and I could see she was hoping she’d hurt me but I was slowly smiling, unable to keep it in and behind her Wil was silently pleading, mouthing _don’t, don’t, don’t_ with each shake of his head.

“Good for you. I fucked Wil.” From the corner of my eye I could see Wil face palming but I was more interested in Anna’s reaction right now, noting that it clearly wasn’t coming as a surprise because there was a flash of resignation in her eyes before she shuttered it all away behind an angry mask.

“We’re over.”  

“Well duh,” I countered, and she took exception to that.

“I hate you.” The tears just starting to glitter in her narrowed eyes really added that extra emphasis. 

“I can assure you,” I told her coolly. “The feeling’s mutual.”

“I hate you _both_.” Her arms dropped to her sides, hands balled into fists as she confronted Wil who honestly was the only one of us showing a genuine emotion right now.

“Anna, I swear I didn’t mean—“ he started, but she cut him off quickly.

“Some friend you turned out to be,” she spat harshly. “I knew I couldn’t trust you.”

“Anna, _really_ , I’m sor—” he tried to apologise

“Yeah, I can really tell by the way you _fucked my boyfriend_.” She glared at him before tossing her head, nose in the air.

“Tch.” I clicked my tongue dismissively. “Calm down, drama queen, no one cheated on anyone,” I informed her. “Or don’t you remember getting dumped last night?” I mean I hadn’t planned on bringing it up but if she wanted to make a big deal out of it… All it did was rile her up though and she rounded on me next.

“ _You_ ,” she said, voice hoarse with emotion, “can shut up. I’m never talking to you again.” _Well that sounds too good to be true._

“You promise?” I asked, voice tinged with hopefulness and she made a noise of frustration, face all screwed up and she opened her mouth to say something before apparently changing her mind because instead she just turned on her heel, head held high as she headed for the door. “Glad _that’s_ over,” I said with a sigh, sliding back down to the pillows as Wil followed her out.

“Wait, Anna— _Anna_ , _wait a sec,_ ” Wil called, and I could just hear him apologising again as she stomped down the stairs, but then they were out of earshot and it wasn’t that interesting anyway. I was half-asleep again by the time Wil came back in, locking the door again behind him.

“Seb? You’re not asleep are you?” He’d sat down on the edge of the bed and I groaned so he’d know I was awake. “You should probably go.”

“You kicking me out, Amstel?” I asked, but I had no intention of leaving. “Harsh – I thought we were gonna do breakfast in bed. Champagne and strawberries. All that jazz.”

“I didn’t mean to – last night shouldn’t have happened,” he said, sounding like he was ignoring everything I’d said. “I was drunk.” _And here come the excuses, the explanations_.

“Don’t forget the drugs,” I pointed out, and he nodded along, looking almost relieved now. 

“Exactly. We were high and drunk.”

“Sex was hot though,” I added, side-eyeing him to see how he’d react to that, and while it was exactly what I expected it still filled me with disappointment.

“Y-yeah,” he stammered before pulling himself together. “Now let’s never talk about it ever again.” I shuffled over to the wall, holding the blanket up invitingly.  

“Deal,” I said, tone heavy with resignation. “As long as you come back to bed now, coz it’s cold and I’m fucking tired.” With a sigh he accepted the invitation, sliding back into bed and he didn’t try to pull away as I threw a leg over him to get comfortable again. “G’night, Wil,” I mumbled, face pressed against his shoulder and pretending that it didn’t hurt that Wil was once again shutting me down. Serves me right for getting my hopes up, but what else is new? I had a plan, already put into motion by the sounds of it because if word had got back to Anna about my canoodling with Wil already then I was pretty sure at least half the school would soon know I was into guys. If I was coming out I was doing it with a bang, and I was determined to have a boyfriend by this time next week. _And I don’t even care if it isn’t Wil._

 


	13. All I’ve Got Left Is My Reputation So You Better Shut Your Mouth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Language note! "sei così fastidioso" = "you’re so annoying" according to my source. Also I totes forgot but "zia" is "auntie". Sorry I forgot to mention that before now.

Chapter 13: All I’ve Got Left Is My Reputation So You Better Shut Your Mouth

 

 _Sitting out dances on the wall_  
_Trying to forget everything that isn't you_  
_I'm not going home alone_  
_'Cause I don't do too well on my own_

– 7 Minutes In Heaven (Atavan Halen) by Fall Out Boy

 

**6 years ago at the King house on the Sunshine Coast**

“But what does that even _mean_?”

I was sitting on the top step, leaning my head against the bannister and regretting all my life choices. Or maybe not _all_ but certainly one. The big one. The stupid impulse that had led me to blurt out _“By the way, I’m bisexual_ ” in the middle of dinner fifteen minutes ago which was why I was now hiding upstairs, supposedly “in my room” but actually hanging out where I could hear what was going down in the kitchen because they were fighting about me. _Again_. I didn’t even know why I’d done it. I’d never intended to tell dad and I’d planned to get ma on her own, sit her down and talk about so she’d know I was serious but every day I put it off it just got harder and harder to keep to myself until I blurted it out at the worst possible time. At first there’d been stunned silence from ma and a few ignorant questions from dad, and while ma was now handling the whole thing like a champion he was still being a real prick and it didn’t sound like the argument currently raging was letting up any time soon.

“ _Really_ , Sebastian?” Heavy on the sarcasm. No doubt about it – I am my mother’s son. “Were you even listening to your son?” My mother’s acerbic voice was drowning him out again, but I knew he wouldn’t put up with that for long. “It means he might date a boy next, _or_ it might be another girl. He’s saying gender is less important to him in a partner – that’s what the “bi” part _means_ , Sebastian.” 

“So he’s gay now? Is that it?” I could almost feel his irritation, and I got up to stomp flat-footed back to my room. I’d known it’d play out like this. I shouldn’t’ve said anything. At least ma was on my side but there was guilt twisting in my gut that it was my fault they were fighting again. Or maybe the guilt wasn’t because I’d made them argue, but because deep down I’d hoped for this – I always hoped _this time_ would be the last straw – because the day my too-good-for-this-earth mother finally left my dad I’d do a happy dance. “This is because we let him hang around with that Amstel kid—“

“Sebastian, _sei così fastidioso_ , no!” She was really laying into him now. “You’re _not listening_ —“

“You know I hate it when you do that, _I don’t speak Italian you_ —“

I didn’t need to hear anything else, my door cutting him off mid-sentence and I flicked the lock before flopping face-first on my bed. This had been a dumb fucking idea from start to finish, because I’d just ruined ma’s evening, dad was pissed off at me again, and unless I wanted to brave downstairs I was gonna lay here annoyed and hungry because my dramatics had meant I didn’t even finish dinner. Fuck my life. I rolled over, sliding my phone from my pocket to call for reinforcements.

 

_\- Guess who just outed himself in the middle of dinner_

 

I watched the text send, the little “delivered” note popping up before I dropped my hand heavily to the bed and I’d only been staring at the ceiling for about ten seconds before my phone buzzed with a call.

“Hey.” I answered it on speaker, letting it slide out of my grip as I continued to stare at the crack zigzagging through the paint.

“ _Hey_.” Wil’s reply was soft, hesitant. Gauging the damage. “ _You all good?”_

“Yeah.” My eyes were stinging and the crack in the ceiling blurred as I amended my answer to “No.”

“ _Want me to come over?”_ I grimaced – a compromise of the frown and grin at war on my face at the thought of Wil ringing the doorbell in the middle of my dad’s homophobic meltdown.

“Nah.” The line was silent, and I heard the front door slam hard enough to rattle the windows in my room. I wondered who’d just made the dramatic exit. “Ma was super cool,” I said in a quiet voice, and Wil made a noise of agreement but didn’t interject. “Whipped out her phone to show me a buzzfeed article on bi celebrities and everything.”

“ _That’s awesome, Seb.”_

It _was_ awesome. The tears filling my eyes reached a tension point where they were spilling, running down my temples but they were _angry_ tears. Why was it that no matter what I always managed to disappoint everybody?

“Seb? Honey?” At the hesitant knock on my door I quickly rubbed at the tear tracks, scrubbing the back of my hands over my face to dry them.

“Gotta go,” I muttered, and I didn’t wait for Wil’s reply before I hung up, shoving it under my pillow so I could get up and unlock the door. She was putting on a brave face like I hadn’t just listened to them arguing about me again, smile big and bright and it was fake as fuck but I loved her for it.

“C’mere sweetie.” I let her hug me, the silent _I’m sorry your father’s a giant douche_ communicated clearly enough.

“I’m sorry.” I wasn’t, but I felt like I should say it anyway, and I was surprised when she shook her head.

“No, _Sebastiano_ , this is not something you apologise for.” She pulled back, eyes narrowed and serious for a moment before she smiled a little secretive smirk. “I don’t think I’ve ever told you how I met your father?” I rolled my eyes.

“Only a million times,” I told her sarcastically. “You were here on a working holiday and got a job at grandpa’s hotel, met dad and got knocked up so he had to marry you.” I’d heard the bad-romance story a million times, mostly from ma’s tipsy mother at Christmas who still after all these years counted it as a blessing her daughter had landed a rich husband. Like we didn’t pay for it literally every day. Ma was still looking quietly amused though, and when she pointed to the bed I went and sat down, waiting for her to explain as she sat down next to me.

“That’s not the whole story,” she said, and the smirk was turning into a grin that lit up her face, the tension she normally carried lifted for a moment as I frowned at her. “That much is true, but do you know _why_ I came to Australia?” 

“Because it’s not Florence?” I asked, complete with eye roll. I’d visited my grandparents often enough to know Florence was fucking boring for teenagers, but ma wasn’t fazed by my sass. 

“Because it was a country without _Martina_.” Her voice changed on the name, her accent stronger but there was a fondness there too.

“Who’s Martina?” I squinted at her suspiciously because I didn’t know any Martina’s, and her expression had gone all soft – I’d never seen her look like that talking about someone other than family.

“Someone who was very special to me,” she said. “My best friend for a long time.” She was hesitating now, eyes not quite meeting mine. “And my first love.” … _what?_

“You mean like…?” I prompted hesitantly, and she was finally looking at me, a shy smile turning up the corners of her mouth.

“I’m just like you, sweetie.”

_Oh._

“I’m guessing _he_ doesn’t know that,” I ventured, and in spite of myself I was smiling as I pictured how that conversation might go down.

“Lord, no,” she said with a little laugh, and the arm around my shoulders gave me a shake. “I’m proud of you, though. You’re so brave. I never told _my_ parents.” I felt her kiss my hair and I wished I could stay here forever, just hiding from the world because I didn’t feel brave.

“So, you got any pics of this girlfriend of yours?” I teased, and I worried for a moment I’d gone too far but she was smiling still.

“Maybe,” she admitted a little sheepishly. “Why? Do you want to see her?”

“Yes.” I jumped to my feet and offered a hand to pull her to hers, already dragging her to the door. “I’ll make the hot chocolate and you get the photos – I wanna meet your lady love.” A hand on my shoulder made me pause, and I turned back to see her smiling indulgently at me.

“How about you go wash your face,” she said carefully, a hand on my cheek as her thumb brushed at the drying tear tracks. “And I’ll get the chocolate _and_ the album, hmm?”

“Are you suggesting I can’t handle it?” I folded my arms in mock-annoyance at the insinuation.

“Sweetie, you can do many things,” she said fondly, reaching up to pat me patronisingly on the head. “But if I ever catch you in my brand-new kitchen it’ll be the last thing you ever do,” she adding, breezing past me with a chuckle.

“Oi,” I grumbled quietly, but I knew it was well-deserved, even if she’d spent a good few days fretting about smoke inhalation and “You could’ve _died_ ” before she really got mad about the burnt-out stove. I couldn’t help smiling as I grabbed my phone, sending Wil a quick “all good ttyl” and a thumbs up. Miraculously things had turned out ok again. I didn’t even look that bad when I splashed some water on my face in the bathroom. Eyes a little red but to be honest that was probably more pot than crying, and by the time I was heading downstairs I’d got a reply from Wil that if I needed to escape I should come over later. A tempting offer.

If dad came home soon I’d probably take him up on it.   

***

**15 th Jan, 12.05pm, Surfers Paradise. 1 days 22 hours and 2 minutes until the reckoning **

**Current mood: 7 Minutes In Heaven (Atavan Halen)**

“Hold still,” Wil said, reaching out to grab her chin this time and turning her face back to him. “And shut up for five minutes. I swear it must be genetic.” Nat pursed her lips and acquiesced, but when I stuck my tongue out at her I could see how badly she wanted to retaliate reflected in her eyes. Wil was patiently smoothing out the contour on her cheeks, tilting her face side to side as he checked the effect. As soon as he let her go to rummage through the supplies spread out on the coffee table she turned a grin on me.

“Am I gorgeous?” she asked, primping from where she was sitting cross-legged on the couch and I arched an eyebrow at her.

“You look marginally better than your normal shrek face,” I informed her, but before she could match an indignant response to the face she was making, Wil had told her to sit still again, touching a fine brush to the tip of a tube of eyelash glue. I left them to it, wandering over to the kitchen in search of a drink. Nat had promised to shell out for a full shoot, and to my surprise Wil had seemed happy to do it. He’d already curled her hair, the silky strands falling in tousled waves around her shoulders and they’d even picked her outfit. I hadn’t been invited for that but judging by the ridiculous giggling I’d heard coming from Wil’s room I didn’t think I’d missed anything important. I poured a whisky over ice, watching Nat from over Wil’s shoulder as he carefully set the false lash along her own.

“I hate these things,” she complained lightly, but Wil tutted her.

“Not my fault your eyelashes are non-existent.”

“Gee, thanks Wil,” she said, rolling her eyes as he prepped the second one. Her gaze landed on me a second before the command to close her eyes came, and she shut them obediently. “It’s so unfair. Seb’s got eyelashes for _days_ and they’re totally wasted on him.” I chuckled, taking another sip and watching them.

“Don’t hate me coz you ain’t me, cuz.”

“Ugh, who’d _wanna_ be you?” was her derisive reply but Wil had just sat back.

“Ok, you’re all done.” He was already rising from the couch, and Nat fell on the mirror to examine her face from every angle.

“How’re you so good at this, Wil?” she cooed, pouting and smiling in turn as she admired the effect. “I mean you could defs do this for a living.”

“I’d rather just take photos,” he said easily, and I held out my glass in an offer as he wandered closer. He took it with a grateful smile, but only took a small sip before handing it back. Nat got up from the couch, shaking her long hair back and raising a hand to run through it. “Do _not_ touch your hair,” he said and her hand froze mid-motion.

“Fine, fine – I’m just gonna pee before we start, k?” she said flippantly, and she was skipping off to the bathroom. The satin robe she was wearing was slipping down her shoulder and she tugged it back into place, flashing us a bright smile over her shoulder. “Back in a sec!”

“Well she’ll be at least half an hour,” I said, getting comfortable on the couch now that Nat had vacated it. “You know she’s gonna be staring at herself for ages.” Wil just hummed noncommittally, already playing with his camera in his lap. “And you could’ve said no, y’know,” I told him after another sip, but he shrugged, getting up and disappearing into his room.

“I don’t mind,” his voice floated back, sounding distracted. “It’s good practice, adds to my portfolio…” he trailed off and I got up to wander over, leaning in the doorway as he focused on attaching his camera to the tripod. He was peering through the viewfinder, adjusting the focus and then he waved me over with a hand overhead. “C’mere and help me block this shot.” I brought my drink with me, tugging the sheet straight before crawling up on the bed on my knees. I sipped my drink while Wil adjusted the focus, waiting for further direction. “Bit to the left – my left,” he murmured, finger pointing out from the camera that still hid his face and I shuffled over a little. “ _Perfect_ …” I smiled at the sound of the shutter, slowly raising my glass to take another sip and keeping my eyes fixed on a point just to the left of Wil. I’d done this enough to know my best angles. Wil’s Instagram was full of me and I shamelessly followed him there for pretty much that reason alone.

“Can you lay down?” Wil asked, and I reached out to leave my drink on the bedside before lying down on the cool satin sheets. I stretched an arm overhead, feeling the silky smooth fabric on my bare arm and wishing I was wearing less to appreciate it fully. For a while there was only the click and whirl from the camera, no more instructions from Wil as he let me do my own thing until we both turned towards the annoyed sigh from the doorway.

“Go away, Seb – this is my shoot,” Nat said firmly, and I smiled as I reached for my drink, tipping the last of it down my throat. She’d left the robe untied, sashaying over in matching lingerie and I rolled my eyes at the spectacle.

“It’s all yours, princess,” I said, affecting a magnanimous look as I slid off the bed for her to take my place. My phone buzzed from the living room where I’d left it, the sound echoing against the glass of the coffee table and as Wil directed Nat’s first pose I wandered back over to retrieve it. A smile lit up my face as I read the message, coming back to lounge in the doorway as I read it out to Wil. “Damien’s bored and wants to come over.” I paused, watching the effect that had on him. His back looked a bit straighter, shoulders back, but he wasn’t saying anything. “Should I tell him you’re too busy?”

“I don’t care if Nat doesn’t,” Wil said, and I watched as Nat cast a curious look over at me.

“You inviting your skeevey friends over to perve?” she asked, and it was Wil who leapt to his defence.

“I doubt he’s interested – Damien’s gay.”

“Ok, then sure, whatever,” Nat said, completely reassured by that one fact and it was tempting to inform her that being gay didn’t somehow magically make you not a skeeve.

“Just…whatever you do, do it quietly.”

“Yes, _Wilem_.” I tapped out a response, and almost immediately Damien’s excited _cool omw_ came back. Thank god for that, because without some entertainment in the form of attractive eye candy, I would’ve had nothing to amuse me all afternoon. Within half an hour the chime of the intercom let us know he was finally here. I’d had about all I could take of watching Nat preen in front of the camera, although at least I got to listen to Wil’s voice as he directed her. “Come on up, Day,” I told the excited face on the screen, and a minute later he was bounding in the front door.

“Hey Seb,” he called eagerly as soon as his searching eyes found me, and I saw him hesitate on his way over, gaze hovering on my neck and the visible bruise I’d completely forgotten about until now. I was leaning in Wil’s doorway, still watching but keeping out of the way and he stopped by my side, peering in curiously and spotting Wil behind the camera. “Lo, Wil,” he said in a more measured tone, and Wil waved a hand to return the greeting without looking up. “Is it ok I’m here?” he asked in a quiet voice, focused on Nat as she made bedroom eyes at the camera. She knew she looked good in the lacy lingerie they’d picked – black lace and purple satin and the colour popped against the silvery grey of Wil’s sheets. 

“Of course, it’s just Nat,” I said, waving a hand dismissively in their direction, prompting an indignant _hey!_ from the girl in question. Damien slapped a hand over his mouth to supress a laugh and I gestured with my almost-empty glass out the door. “Let’s leave them too it,” I said in a stage whisper, catching the quick look Nat gave me and the frown on Wil’s lips just visible before he called her back to attention.

He followed me to the couch, and when I stretched my arm out he took the hint and sat close, pulling my hand down over his shoulder as he shuffled nearer. “So, is that another _friend_ of yours?” he asked with a cheeky grin.

“Hardly,” I said derisively. “This one’s a cousin,” I supplied, watching the way that made his eyes light up and his smile brighten, and I found myself wondering just how deep this boy had fallen. I hoped he’d be able to climb back out on his own. “Can I get you a drink?” 

“I’ll get it – what do you want?” he said immediately, eyes already scanning the coffee table and noting the empty glass I’d left there. “Whisky, coming right up.” I smiled smugly as he shot up, moving around the kitchen like he lived here and returning with two tumblers but while he passed me mine his went on the coffee table. “Your cousin’s hot,” he said, eyes flicking over to Wil’s door, which had closed at some point before he settled back on the couch. “Guess it must run in the family.”

“Flatterer,” I accused, but it was with a smile. I was lucky Wil wasn’t seeing this – Damien’s flirt game was strong today as he confidently straddled my lap.

“I was hoping I’d get to see you again soon,” he said softly, and the hand lightly trailing down my chest was losing the guise of innocent touching the further south it dropped. “I’ve been getting off thinking about you for days.” I took a slow sip, letting the whisky coat my tongue while he shifted, knees spreading wider for more contact. “Have you been thinking about me?” he asked, and I let him take the glass from me, watching as he arched his back to set in on the table next to his. My hands went straight to his hips as he rocked against my lap, lower lip caught in his teeth as he waited for an answer.

“Sure,” I said calmly. “News said the surf was excellent yesterday.” He groaned but his pout was pulling up into a smile before he leaned in to brush a hesitant kiss to my lips.

“Did you think about me like this?” he asked again, but every last trace of shyness had gone as he rocked his rapidly swelling dick against on my own. He didn’t need a verbal answer this time – my interest was apparent enough and with a hand on the back of his neck I pulled him in for a real kiss this time, deep and dirty. We were interrupted by the sound of Wil’s door squeaking as it opened, and I slid a hand down to push him back as Nat’s voice called out loudly.

“We’re taking a break!” Damien was still on my lap, and I knew the second Nat noticed because the next words out of her mouth were, “Oh for fucks sake Seb, not again. I mean I _sleep_ there, come on.” Damien’s cheeks flushed and he clambered off my lap, a bashful look on his face as he apologised and introduced himself. “I’m Nat,” she said with a cheerful-enough grin as she returned his handshake. She’d put the robe back on, tied loosely around her waist. “Has someone given you the warning yet?” she asked, jerking a thumb in my direction. “This one’s more trouble than he’s worth.” She shot me a Look then, arms folded across her chest and I stuck my tongue out at her.

“So I’ve heard,” he said with a chuckle, and when he looked back, eyes raking over me with renewed interest I gave him a smug smile.

“Don’t I know you, though?” she said, tapping her chin thoughtfully and then her eyes were lighting up with the discovery. “Of course! I just saw your shots on Insta.” She looked back over her shoulder for a moment, a thoughtful look on her face before looking back at Damien. “They were pretty steamy, dude.” Damien grinned shyly at the praise.

“Thanks.” He licked his lips, looking back at me and I gave him an encouraging smile as I reached for my drink. Nat homed in on it instantly.

“ _Yaas_ , gimme a sip, Seb – I’m dying,” she said, but Wil’s voice was floating back out to us warningly as Damien sat back down on the couch. I couldn’t help noticing the space he left between us while Nat was still so close by.

“No drinking, Nat,” Wil said as he wandered to the kitchen to pour his own drink and Nat turned to pull a face at the back of his head. “No eating either, unless you wanna bloat.”

“ _Goddammit_.” She put her hands on her hips, still pouting and I smiled up at her sweetly, making sure she was watching as raised the glass to my lips.

“How goes the photoshoot, cuz?” She pursed her lips at me for a second, eyes flicking back to where Wil was already almost back to his room – the coast was clear – before making grabby hands for my drink.

“ _Quick, while he’s not looking_ ,” she said _soto voce_ and I relented and held it up. She took a dainty sip, carefully checking the glass for lipstick marks before handing it back. “Am I busted?” she asked, one fingertip carefully wiping the corner of her mouth and I announced she was in the clear. “Awesome.” She turned to Damien again, hand on her hip as she struck a pose.

“So, tell me I’m beautiful,” she demanded, and Damien grinned and agreed.

“You look gorgeous.”

“Thanks, honey.” She preened at the praise, and I had to admit despite her prompting it had sounded genuine. Wil finally appeared, wandering past to the kitchen and she turned to follow his progress. “Wil’s an amazing artist.”

“I know, right? I was looking at my photos again the other night and I can’t believe they’re really me.”

“Aw, you’re so modest,” Nat said, reaching out to run her fingers through his hair. “A real looker though,” she added. “You should _own_ that shit.”

“That’s what I keep telling him,” I added, and Damien was hamming it up, turning a shy smile on me.

“Ready to go?” Wil called and he hadn’t raised his voice but the contrast between his no-nonsense tone and our happy banter was noticeable.

“All yours, let’s do this!” Nat was instantly skipping back to Wil’s room and I turned my attention back to Damien, beckoning him closer with a finger as he leaned forward eagerly.

“Let’s get out of here,” I murmured, and he nodded, excitement burning in his eyes as he rose to follow me to the balcony.

***

“Is Wil alright?” Damien asked in a soft voice, and I turned to lean on the balcony to watch him. He’d carefully closed the door behind us, throwing a look over his shoulder. “He seems kinda quiet today.”

“Same as ever,” I replied with a carefree shrug. Damien joined me at the balcony, arms folded on the railing as he leaned out, eyes on the view.

“We’ve been hanging out a bit lately,” he said, and I didn’t miss the way he kept checking for my reaction but I was being careful not to give him one. I just raised an eyebrow, silently inviting him to go on. I had a pretty good idea where this was going already. “He actually came to see me the other day.” I saw his eyes flick to me yet again. “He asked me out.” That must’ve been that “errand” he’d had to run so late the night Nat turned up.

“And what did you say?” I asked, surprised at how easy it was to fake interest in his teenage drama as his cheeks filled with colour.

“The truth.” He paused, eyes flicking to me before he looked back at the city skyline glittering in the sun. “I really like him as a friend, but I’m not interested in having a relationship right now.” _Oooh, interesting. Playing it my way. Bet that stung, Wil._

“And how’d he take it?” Not well, judging by Wil’s moping when he’d finally come home. Poor, soft-hearted Wil. When will he learn? At least that explained why he’d been so eager to jump back into bed with me but that thought was enough to wipe the smirk off my face. Damien on the other hand was having a much better time pulling a convincing concerned face. I almost believed he felt sorry for him.

“Yeah, not great.” He stood up abruptly, turning to face me, hands gripping the railing tight. “I might’ve…” He stopped to take a deep breath, really selling it. “I told him we slept together.” _Aw, honey_ , I thought uncharitably, _you know he already knew that_. God, this kid was sicker than I’d thought. But I reached out to mess up his hair, earning a grin as I dragged my palm across the top of his head and dropped my arm around his shoulders.

“Don’t stress about Wil. He’ll get over it,” I told him confidently. I could feel him thrumming with tension where he was pressing against me, white-knuckled where he still gripped the railing. “So if you’re not interested in a relationship…” I said generally, then leaned in to whisper the next in his ear, “what _are_ you interested in right now?” I heard him swallow before he could answer, and immediately my mind was filling with recollections of that throat swallowing something else.

“No agenda,” he said, remarkably steadily giving the slight tremor that just went down his spine. His eyes were on my neck again, looking but not looking, bottom lip worried in his teeth. “Just having fun.” I gave him a smile, a reward for a correct answer.

“Sounds good to me.” It was all the encouragement he needed to turn towards me more fully, the hand on my cheek a hesitantly soft touch as he pressed his lips to mine, quickly growing in confidence when I didn’t pull away.

“I really like kissing you,” he said breathlessly, stopping only long enough to confess that before doing it again. The hand on my cheek slid down to my neck and I pushed closer, feeling his thumb brush over the pulse in my throat, fingers curling to press on the purpling bruise. He was learning fast, picking up all the cues and testing limits and I felt a swell of pride when he perfectly imitated my favourite move with his tongue, then kissed the moan right off my lips.

“ _You’re such a fast learner_ ,” I murmured appreciatively, earning a light-hearted laugh.

“Well you’re a good teacher,” he quickly replied, one hand catching mine and fingers lacing until he was holding my hand tight. “Plus the lessons are hella fun.” He lifted our hands, turning them so my hand was on top as he raised them between us. “If school was half this fun I wouldn’t’ve skipped so much.” The light flashed, caught in the crystal eye of my dolphin ring and I saw the exact moment Damien noticed it. “What the hell…?” He turned our hands so he could see it more clearly, examining the ring from every angle with a _how long has that been there_ look on his face.

“I like dolphins?” I said like it was an excuse, and he blinked at me with confusion in his eyes, clearly waiting for more of an explanation.

“Kinda cheap, isn’t it?” he commented eventually, but I wasn’t interested in explaining about the competition with Wil.

“That was the point.”

 “You’re so weird.” It sounded less like an insult when he paired it with that grin.

“Just one of my many charms.”

“Sexy though,” he added, and when his grip on my hand loosened I turned it around so I could grab his hand, tugging him closer until he had me pushed up against the railing.

“Yeah?” _God_ I loved this, all this hot and firm muscle pushing me around and I was reaching for him, bringing those lips closer to mine. “You’re not so bad yourself, Day.”

 


End file.
